Hey guys, so I keep struggling to completely quit and my husband doesn’t help matters due to leaving me alone over night several times in the most crucial time for me.
I know I’m 30 years old but I’m weak and feel alone at the moment so I need him. Is this a lot to ask?
8 Likes
Not sure if I’ve got any good advice. My wife and I both do shift work, we have kids and it was mental gymnastics trying to calculate how much I could drink but not be too drunk when looking after the kids. I didn’t want to moderate at all but would have to when I was sole charge. When she would go away with the kids that was like a green light for me to drink.
Since being sober I make sure that times when I would have been drinking I consciously make an effort to work through those trigger times, usually through distraction with an activity or something. I’ve also built up a bit of an evening routine at home that I stick to whether shes there or not. Part of my routine is checking in here nightly.
I guess without knowing why your husband has go i.e work or something its hard to say if its too much to ask. However as much as we all need some support and help from our loved ones ultimately at some point we need to be able to stand alone I reckon. Hope you’re going ok right now. Stay strong
6 Likes
The truth is, no one can be sober for you, you need to do that yourself. Others can support and inspire, but you gotta walk the walk yourself. It’s not easy, but power to be sober is already in your possession. Just one night, that’s all you gotta do, and you can do it.
9 Likes
Congratulations for being clean since March 21st! That’s great!
Here a quote from your profile page
“Been on and off cocaine for around 7 years.
Around the wrong people.”
I can appreciate you wanting your husband’s support and feeling deserted when he is not there to support you. On the other hand, here on this site you have a community of people 24/7 who can support you and be of help to you when he is gone or you otherwise want/need support and want to be around the ‘right’ kind of people.
You do have to do it on your own but having as many tools as you can to get you through is important.
4 Likes
One night at a time, glad you are on here looking for support. I am on day 101 and the support from this community helps immensely whenever I check in. Not knowing the exact circumstances, hard to say, but do it for you. We’re here 
4 Likes
I kept doing the same thing over and over and no one could keep me sober… my partner and mum crying and begging did not work, I would try but as soon as I was alone it would all go out the window.
I decided to go to rehab and I’m not sure if I would have been able to get away from booze/drugs long enough just being “alone”
I had finally got sick enough of myself.
If you’ve really had enough only you can make the change. I’m not saying you need to go to rehab, that’s just my experience.
There are many options… 
2 Likes
Good of you for reaching out! That is a huge part of our recovery: asking for help if we need it.
That and venting.
You are doing both so that’s a great step.
Sure support from your partner is important. But my own experience is that he could not support me the way I needed that time. That’s why I came here for the extra support. Quiting is not just not picking up ore take drugs. It’s a completely different lifestyle than we used to have. Like we say in Dutch “Het is geen kattenpis” (it no catpis, so it’s not easy doing).
It’s 2 houres later since you wrote your message, so I hope you feel a bit better by now.
Distraction is key in your situation. Maybe a hot shower? Ore wandering around here on the forum? Cleaning the kitchen? It doesn’t matter what, but keep the mind wandering of to using thoughts.
Cravings are temporary, they pass.
You can go trough this 
2 Likes
Hello, well done for reaching out, hopefully you are sleeping now.
Where is your husband going? Can you make a plan for when you are alone? I know it is tough, we are all here for you
1 Like
Hey guys thanks for the advise.
He went away to see relatives.
I guess I just had a wobble as he knows I had a relapse last week and I just needed him here over the first week of starting again.
I know it’s silly but I obviously have a trigger when on my own.
Unfortunately I did have a little relapse last night which I’m devastated about. 
sorry guys!!!
4 Likes
It isn’t silly and I am sorry you relapsed. This is a tough one as you obviously need to do it for you, but if you are vulnerable alone then it is hard. Could you go along next time? Has he got any plans to go again soon or can you have a stretch of time working on your sobriety?
The first few days are tough, no doubt. No need to be sorry for us. Dust yourself off and try again. Knowing your triggers is actually really great. You can plan ahead and find ways to walk around them. Is there other people in your life who might step in when your husband isn’t around? Meetings are always a great way to connect and find a helping hand. You got this 
1 Like
No we are going back to Cyprus tomorrow so will be together every day. We work half the year here and half there. It’s so strange as I never get like this over there it’s just here because it’s so easy. He left me for 2 days This week and I’m normally fine as I use to get drunk and have some stuff but now I want to come off it I need him at the moment
2 Likes
Yeah I’m working on my triggers at the moment and ones being alone and feeling abandoned so I need to sort this.
You guys are amazing I just wish I come to you before I jump to getting stuff
4 Likes
Contact Details Cyprus Intergroup Secretary: secretary.cyprus@aamail.org
Ayia Napa: +357 97 79 80 43
Kyrenia (North Cyprus) Currently suspended.
Larnaca +35799251792 Limassol+357 25 34 22 87
Nicosia: +357 99 01 35 96 Paphos: +35797754267
Tala +357 95 93 03 13
1 Like