4 months and 8 days sober. Never thought I could make it this long. I just thought at this point I would be so proud of myself but instead I find I’m constantly having a pity party, bringing myself down. I’m not doing enough at this point my life should be different. And I’m blessed and being so ungrateful. Idk how to feel rn. Thanks for listening to my rant.
15 Likes
It doesn’t happen by magic unfortunately - it’s a skill that you have to learn and practice. Thankfully it’s not a difficult one - I try to write down 3 good things each day (then I fold them up into little paper stars and collect them up in a jar - you don’t need to do all that tho - just think of them each day)
We all suffer from confirmation bias, so when we feel down our attention goes to everything that’s going wrong, and we compare ourselves to others (nobody shows off their struggles or their failures - so we only see their highlights and wonder why we’re having such a hard time - they are too they just don’t show it! Try to focus on your own progress instead!) but if you reprogram your brain to look for positive things (can be small things, but you have to practice) it changes that confirmation bias around and you notice less of the bad stuff and more of the good, and even the bad gets a silver lining
Noone tells you (maybe we’d never start if they did) but stopping using is just the first step - after that you have to face all the stuff that had you using in the first place - thankfully it gets easier and the results get better with practice
6 Likes
Congratulations on ur sober time!! Thats quite an accomplishment! I can relate alot to what ur saying. And honestly, I think its pretty normal to feel the way ur feeling. Alot of us have used/drank for so long that now that we are sober, we may feel like we should be alot farther along in life than we are. I know i feel that way. Being 40, in debt, and not being where I feel like I should be at age 40. But we cant focus on that bcuz living like that steals the joy out of the present. If we stay clean and sober, so many doors and opportunities will present itself overtime. If u have some goals that ud like to achieve, spend some time writing out how u will achieve them. Make babysteps each day in that direction 
There is so much to be grateful for in sobriety, even tho we may not always feel that there is. Outside of writing a gratitude list daily, i like to listen to morning affirmations first thing. It helps put me in a positive mindset for the day. I found some on the Insight Timer app. Just thought Id mention that in case u might find that helpful
4 Likes
but that’s an amazing accomplishment right?
even you didn’t think you’d be able to make it that long. focus on the wins, focus on the good stuff.
but unfortunately i can totally relate and it’s something i have been working on for a long time
look for the good focus on that
2 Likes
Thank you 
1 Like
Interesting post.
Lets take a little dive into it.
So, you’re 4 months and 14 days sober now.
Human emotion is playing into your thinking quite a bit, and i remember thinking like this too.
A couple of takes.
- Be proud that you got sober, but yes remember this, getting sober gives you the ability to grow.
In addiction we don’t get very far, and for those who do, there is always a downfall.
So, yes, you’re giving yourself an opportunity.
In the sober world 4 months+ is good, its a beginning.
Lets say you live sober for the rest of your life, think about a few things here.
You won’t have to many major downfalls, pending on your choices. Which as a sober choices we tend to make better less riskier choices.
Those good choices build over time.
- So, you want to conquer the world, or a feeling of not doing enough.
Early sobriety, realistically in the first year, is honestly enough. The first year should be taking a deep dive inward at times. (Pending your daily responsibility, kids if you have any, job, work, and seeing the beauty of this world in a different lense.)
You might be looking for a dopamine rush, and those rushes are lacking. Before in addiction, thats what we went after for better or worse.
Always take just one day at time, with everything.
Over time, new doors will open, because you seem like you have a mentality of wanting to grow. So growth will come. Its just a time of learning, and webbing the new you without addiction.
Patients is indeed a virtue.
- Learning new things.
In addiction maybe we learned how to survive. How to make enough money to survive and go out drinking. Im just using my life here as an example.
All those years we survived. You’re looking to thrive with no clear basis on exactly what it is.
Good news, keep searching. Or pray, or meditate whatever you’re into, for the search. It will come up.
Humans like to aometimes overestimate what they can do in a short amount of time, but underestimate what they can do in 5 years or more.
In sobriety we take it one day at time, but if we sit in sobriety long enough and go for new things, new doors will open.
I think Hope is a good word.
Always know this, to the person who needs something might not get it. But to the person who develops confidence that things will get better, will see that things start to flow a bit more.
Its all in patients, bordum and continuing sobriety.
As far as sobriety in general. Am i proud of my 4.5 years sober? No, not necessarily, could i be farther, sure.
Sobriety can just feel like that, a moment in which we decided we didnt want that life anymore and we moved on. Kept it simple.
Not proud, not sad, not joy, and even then depression, sadness, and all emotions come anyways regardless. Why?
…its the human experiance.
…
- Bringing yourself down, and a pity party.
Hopefully you pin why you do that to yourself.
Is it just because you don’t feel like you’re doing enough? Or is there a deeper realization?
Some inner work here or talk with God, whichever you prefer is good here.
Because bringing yourself down, isn’t good for a change in mentality, or moving forward. Being your own worst critic type stuff.
I can only generalize a few things because i dont know you.
Lastly, if you don’t attend meetings or AA, should try one sometime.. talk, listen these things.
I think, being proud of sobriety isn’t the right word either. Being humbled for change, is definitely a solid idea as you continue to venture into your new world.
Hope some things helped, don’t get to hard on yourself. Well, try not too. I know some days are tough.
But, you’re doing well.
Keep your head up, and attempt to enjoy what is.
Have a good day.
Blessings are coming!
Hmm, remember this too, even if you’re not a God person.
When you’re bettering your life. The Devil or Demons will try anything to hold you down. Keep you away from Joy, from peace.
Alright.
2 Likes
I am a God person. Thanks I appreciate the encouragement. 