Seriously what is wtong with me? I want to get piled up and say fuck all. Ive gottwn nothing but more stress poured on over the last 3 weeks and honestly i dont even care if i wake up with nothing agian because guess what! I already lost everything. Why do i feel this way? I know its “wrong” and just yesterday i felt so good about sobriety and proud of myself for dealing with all the shit in a healthy way.
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Ive been here. Its not that crazy. There is less pressure if you commit to a self destructive spiral instead of intimidating responsibilities and embarrassing accountability for your actions.
However there is no bottom to hell!! I assumed I could smoke with abandon because I lost everything over 5 years ago and now i curse myself every day for how dangerous that was and how that choice has followed me and ruined my life even more.
3 weeks isnt that long and you have good things worth fighting for. You deserve to give yourself time to fully rebuild.
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Right now im holding in there because i have my kids and i simply wont. But, hopefully ill get myself together before opportunity arises.
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Stick around here for support. Don’t crave alone. Stick around in a community, ask for company; the cravings will pass. They always do. Storms pass, waves pass, cravings pass. 
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One thing I do is turn on the selfie cam on my phone and talk to myself: this will pass, this will pass; I will not give in, I will not give in, I will not give in.
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Thanks guys, i made it past the hours the liquor store is open so. Win for today.
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Congratulations @Trdamsel ! One day at a time… just for today! ODAAT JFT
I think sometimes people are afraid of success especially if they’re used to failing all the time. Here you are proud of yourself but you’re thinking about sabotaging it. I think that’s a normal feeling to have, I know I have had it. Instead what we need to do is embrace the success that we have, Give ourselves a big pat on the back and say this is what we like and this is what makes us happy and this is what we want. Maintain the sobriety. Just like you did. Congratulations for making it through a hard time.
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Glad to see you trudged through. Well, as you know with being sober we get our emotions back about everything, and sometimes all the shit missiles we launched leave a big mess we gotta live in for a while.
We stick to our sober paths and it gets cleaner as the days stack up. Hugs
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It’s the addictive voice, it’ll use any situation to try to get you to drink…
Having a bad day? It’ll point that out and say “well might as well have a drink”
Having a good day? It’ll point that out and say “it’s not fair, you should be having a drink to celebrate”
Etc etc etc.
The addictive voice will use any situation as a reason. You’ve got to ignore it.
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Solid gold that
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I logged on to post this link on the Recovery Dharma thread, but it seems relevant here too!
I think it’s something to do with dopamine. The greedy little dopamine lizard in our brain does not understand context. It just knows you are feeling uncomfortable in some way and is willing to try anything for its dopamine hit. It knows you got some from your DOC once and because it is a lizard, it does not care for consequences because it cannot understand them.
Feed the lizard something else, it will get used to it!
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This. Theres a few activities that give huge dopamine hits and after things like that i feel much less craving. Gonna do some hiking today that should give me a little hit of dopamine 
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Made it through the long weekend! Weekdays are easier because work takes me out of the toxicity and takes me out of my head.
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That’s great! Keep it up 
Keep in touch and don’t be shy to reach out
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The Souix war chief Sitting Bull once said “Inside of me live two dogs. One is mean and angry, the other good and kind. They fight each other constantly”. When asked “which one wins?”, he replied “the one I feed most”.
We addicts have two dogs within us. One craves our DOC, the other craves life. When we use, we are feeding the dog that doesn’t care about living. Feed the dog that wishes to live: be very active here. Go to meetings if you must. Put as much space as you possibly can between your using life, and this moment. Feed the dog that wants you to live!
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Ive never heard that quote, but i like it.
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