As I transition from one recovery program to Recovery Dharma, I want a space to log my journey as I explore new things.
I decided to walk a new recovery program in order not to stagnate in my recovery. I had a stereotypical view of something based in Buddhist teachings. I want push myself, because that is how I grow.
This will just be a boring thread of my learnings from a new path.
âSangha(community), in a very broad sense, means being willing to let other people in, to let them matter.â
All people matter, all people need community. If they matter, I must be mindful of their life, their backgrounds, what is important to them. Their unique differences from me, make the community better.
Iâm joining you on this if you donât mind. Gonna try to find an online meeting this week. Iâve read some of the book and have it downloaded. Been reading this as well. . .
âOur refusal to accept the way things are leads to wanting, or craving, which is the cause of suffering. We donât suffer because of the way things are, but because we wantâor think we âneedââthose things to be different.â
Even with 4 years of sober time, this is something I need to remind myself. My refusal might not lead me to drink todayâŚhowever: 1) wont make me happy today, 2) could slowly snowball, day after dayâŚand get me right back where I started in 2018.
âConditions or circumstances in and of themselves donât cause suffering. They can cause pain or unpleasant experiences, but we add suffering on top of this when we think we âneedâ those circumstances to be different.â
At face value, on the outside I can let bad things go. While, I know bad things happen in life, and I can move on along and make due with circumstancesâŚI latch on to them, suppressing my moodâŚacting as if I am ok. I cause suffering to myself by not letting go absolutely.
For example, if a worker pisses me off, I will deal with it, retrain if need beâŚect
But itâs in the back of my mind all day long. Even after I have dealt with it.
I totally get this. In my case though I tend more commonly to be pissed off at myself for whatever it is (not other people); but itâs the same thing I figure.
One of the things I love about Buddhism is the idea of equanimity in seeing and integrating suffering. Suffering is here, it is one part of life; not being perfect is one part of life; being in progress and ever changing is one part of life. Thereâs so much richness in that.
I think this pulls us to explore acceptance more. For me I am working to be more accepting. Iâm not sure what that will mean exactly but Iâm still here so that must be good
I need to find a way to let it go, inwardly. If that makes sense. It doesnt ruin my day, per sayâŚI can adapt and over come. I think my measurement has been, âa shitty day didnt make me drink, I survived and thrived.â All that is good, but I still latch on to it somewhere in the nether regions of my old brain.
Now, with progressâŚit use to consume me, attitude and allâŚnow it doesnt.
Learning to observe our emotions, allow them in, and allow them out, is definitely a process. We all get stuck in our reactions at times, fixated on the âthis is badâ feeling.
I return often to âlet go, or be dragged.â It serves the purpose of reminding ourselves that emotions come and goâŚit is our attachment to them that brings us suffering.
Love these quotes. Acceptance for me has been key. Not only with alcohol, but challenging situations in life in general. Itâs so much easier when you accept and let go of what you canât control. Also, knowing you are not alone in your suffering.
Some times the universe knows what I need to read. Even for the little things.
From Recovey Dharma
"There may be times when we donât necessarily want to act in a wholesome manner. We may know whatâs the right thing to do, but just donât want to do it. Itâs in these moments when we can focus on our intention. Maybe we arenât ready to do the difficult thing, to quit a certain behavior, to set a boundary, or forgive someone for whom we hold a resentment. But we can set the intention to do so, and investigate our willingness in meditation by repeating statements like âMay I have the willingness to forgiveâŚ. May I have the willingness to quit smoking (or skip that piece of cake, or stay off the internet tonight, etc.)âŚ. May I have the willingness to make amends to my partner.â
Do I know this? Yes! Did I need to hear it in another way? Most certainly!
âGenerosity comes from the awareness that weâre holding on too tightly to our selfishness in a given moment.â
That is a new level of generosity for me. Itâs more that giving 5 bucks, a lunchâŚor a helping handâŚits a thought process that encompasses everything.