This is kind of a follow up on my previous post “ proud of my husband “. In this topic I described how proud I am of my husband resisting temptation while on his first business being sober and his colleagues drinking after working hours. During this and the following trip he had to take he got asked the same question quite a few times while his coworkers were slamming down alcohol. “ Why don’t you drink?”. My husband and I have been bouncing of thoughts why drinkers feel the need to ask this question? What do you all think?
Is it because they think non drinkers are going to wreck the fun by not drinking?
Does it make them more aware of their own drinking behavior?
Does it make them uncomfortable to have someone there who stays sober?
They are used to you drinking and don’t understand why there’s a sober version of you in front of them? Why do they always ask this question?
Last, how do you all respond ? During the first business trip my husband’s response was” I don’t drink anymore “. The second trip he kind of got tired of the question and just right out of the gate said “ I am an alcoholic and can’t stop when I drink. Therefore I don’t drink”. Really surprised he dared saying that and again extremely proud.
Love to hear all your thoughts. Have a wonderful sober weekend. Just made my first ever self created mocktail with blackberry ice in it. Was so yummy. Don’t know why I wasted all those years drinking when I could have sipped on many other delicious and non poisonous options.
When people get drunk they usually misbehave in some way or at least embarrass themselves. When everyone around is also drunk they won‘t notice or won‘t remember the embarrassing things you did. A sober person will.
Alcohol is an addictive substance. When everyone around you drinks your own inhibition or internal voices that might try to convince you not to drink will be easier to ignore. If someone does not drink this will emphasise your own possible discomfort around drinking.
This goes in the same direction as the point above. A sober person shows that there is an alternative to drinking. That you could not partake. And this means that you could deal with life without a drug. After all we all know that alcohol is a drug, is a poison and if you drink regularly you probably at some point did something stupid while drunk. A sober person is a reminder that you could make a different choice.
A sober person reminds every one around of their own responsibility for how they behave. And a lot of people drink to avoid being responsible.
People are actually irritating about everything they do and others don’t, especially things that are proven to be bad for them. People freak out on me because I don’t eat gluten and I don’t have Celiac. M’Kay.
My huge answer is: “Last time I checked I get to make my own choices.”
Alcohol, gluten, red meat, processed food, all the things. I mean, people don’t show up naked, and they were born that way. So, all those people just need to shut their mouths!
I’m celiac, with a few other allergies milk protein included.
I still get the “But why?” questions. I don’t think people’s intentions are to be rude or mean. I think they’re just curious.
Eating differently or staying sober offers an option they might not have thought about before.
I used to be afraid of the non drinking questions, now I simply say “If I start, I can’t quit, and I’m not talking about tonight only. None of us wants to see that”
After that there’s usually no more questions about it.
Flip the question back on them and ask “Why DO you drink?” They’ll get caught up in trying to come up with a reasonable response and forget they asked. People don’t want to face their own truths.
I think it’s a combination of genuine curiosity, and maybe a subconscious interest in possibly being that person themselves someday. And sometimes it’s just peer pressure. People “having fun” want to share in that “fun” with others. It’s like trying to get the person sulking in a corner onto the dance floor, lol. Just my $.02!
But yeah, like your husband I first brush it aside, “Oh just having a break,” and then if receiving peer pressure, identify myself as an alcoholic and tell them I am currently working on recovery. And if they STILL need details, I tell them I broke an ankle last year while drinking, managed to “moderate” for a bit after that healed, but still made too many dumb decisions and nearly had my relationship ended because of it. And then finally they will hopefully not ask again. (luckily i haven’t had to give that answer yet; people have pretty much just said “cool” and we’ve proceeded to have a lovely hangout – albeit a little toned down without this “life of the party” being an unhinged little maniac, lol!!!
Thank you all for your replies. Really gave me some good insight and advice as well how to deal with that question. Thank you, I really appreciate it!!!
Personally, I don’t read anything into when people ask why I am not or don’t drink. Drinking is normalized, not drinking isn’t. When people are doing something not normal for the environment, people wonder why, it’s normal human behavior to be curious.
As for my go to answer, it’s usually along the lines of: “I’ve already had enough to drink in my life time”. It usually solicites a chuckle, followed by an “ohhhh” and that’s when I hit 'em with a wink and a smile. They get it…
That reminds me of something a now-sober old drinking buddy says, “I’ve drank pretty much every drink there is.” When I think about that, I say, “Oh damn. I think I have too.” And some of the drinks out there are REAL gross & bad. Yeah, I’ve had em.
I honestly think it could be any one of those reasons, depending. I enter these situations the same way your husband did here. Anyone who asks is gonna to know the truth. I am what I am and I’m not afraid to admit it. I’ve found staring it in the face gives me power. Sometimes there are follow up questions. Doesn’t bother me. Imma do me regardless. I’ll talk about whatever as long as they want to. I’ve definitely encountered a few who seemed desperate for help. Connecting with them is what it’s all about. I can only hope for my words to help them in any way
Here, in Germany, it’s normal to drink. When you meet for dinner or hang out or go to a party, even on a first Date.
I mean you can buy booze in every supermarket and gas station at any time if you’re 18. If you’re 16 you can buy beer, wine and champagne. Crazy.
Slowly this changes. People and government finally talk about the health problems alcohol causes, even in a tiny dosage.
I hope something changes soon.
If someone asks me why I don’t drink I say I don’t drink. End of discussion. It’s unhealthy and it doesn’t even taste good if we’re honest
(luckily i haven’t had to give that answer yet; people have pretty much just said “cool” and we’ve proceeded to have a lovely hangout – albeit a little toned down without this “life of the party” being an unhinged little maniac, lol!!!
