Why dose addiction do that to you like really why it puts you through so much pain stress and agony especially for the ones that Watch you go through it like for instance my husband
We gust want through this kinda thing yesterday but it was so painful to watch even though I wasn’t the one that was under the influence but in a way it felt like I was
Like why does that happen I love my husband so much but I don’t love his addiction that side of him to be honest is so emotionally and sometimes physically abusive in a way but it’s not him I now it because when he’s not under the influence he’s so loveing and caring towards me but is it normal to kinda feel a little bit scared the next day of that happening thinking it will happen again at some point you now what I mean
It’s gust so tiring to have your gard up kinda all the time because you have to prepare yourself for that vishes moment of addiction
I’m so sorry you’re having to go through that. hugs
I understand completely.
It’s exhausting always having to be on guard and your nervous system stores the trauma of those instances so it’s not like you can force yourself to just relax or get over it.
I finally had to tell my partner that I can’t be on the premise if he chooses to indulge in his substance of choice.
So far he’s been respecting that, but I know it’s not easy.
Sometimes we have to set up boundaries for ourselves because living in survival mode and on edge is a betrayal to our own selves.
No matter how much we love somebody.
Just make sure you’re safe.
It sounds like you care for him deeply and I hope you and him can find some understanding and peace.
What you shared sounds like domestic violence and isnt acceptable no matter how loving he is when hes sober. Addiction may be the cause but you deserve to not be on edge. There is help if you want to not live with the ups and downs @Heiler1990
My husband gets very nasty when he is drinking. He takes everything out on me. He is unhappy that he is drinking to start with, he changes with the 1st drink and has said some rotten things down the year. We are together so long now I’m.not going anywhere. I know he would be happier if he gave up. Me not drinking has made him kinda prove he can give it up too. He has cut back. I notice his bad mood is still there the next day. My parents were the same, my poor Dad would get drunk quickly and he and my Mam would clash, just ended up sitting in separate rooms every evening. Untill the day he got his terminal cancer diagnosis. He never touched a drink again. He cried so much for all the drinking and he believed the drinking caused it. He said “I’m so sorry I’ve done this to ye” not that he was a horrible drunk. He was sorry he was dying and we would suffer the loss of him gone.
I agree with @Cjp@Heiler1990 no one should live with domestic violence.if he physically abused you only once this is once too many I hope you can find the courage to get help sending you love
When I got sober, my husband didn’t and he was emotionally abusive while using, but the most loving and caring person while sober. Never physically abusive - that would have sent me over the edge, straight to divorce court. That emotional stuff was a lot to live with though and I knew I couldn’t do it forever. But I also know addiction is a disease that needs to be treated, just like any other disease.
Some won’t agree but I resorted to an ultimatum. I had to put myself and our daughter above his addiction. We both deserve a healthy, loving environment. I gave him to my 1 year soberversary to do something about his addiction or we were gone. That 1 year came and he tried but failed. I didn’t leave though because I saw the effort. He continued to try and fail multiple times over the next 10 months until he finally sought help in the rooms of AA. He’s now 3 years sober and I’m hitting 5. We made an agreement that if either one of us picks up any substance at all, the other will file for divorce. I know this path doesn’t work for everyone but it did for me.
