Why does it feel so real this time

Advice & Questions
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Hi Everyone

I am sure alot of you see newcomers in and out of here. Im not new. I’ve been here before, but I have been so hesitant to post anything in the event that I mess it all up and delete this whole thing a few days later.

I’ve had several attempts over the years to stop the drinking, none which lasted long term. I hold a good job, I make decent money, and am generally a fit person. People tend to tell me, you’re not an alcoholic, for these reasons. I do know differently. Alcohol has been the cause of many evils in my life, the list would be too long to mention here.

Recently my boyfriend and I split. Which has crushed me. Now knowing that he has moved on has made me feel even worse, and yet for some reason, this time around I don’t feel the need to constantly drink it away, just yet. I’ve not had a drink for 5 days, and I know that at any given point I might hop up and say that’s it, I’m going for a drink. But I’m trying to get through it differently this time. Why though, does it feel like I cannot stop these tears. I’ve been a constant waterfall of emotions. I’ve been sober for longer than this before and within worse emotional situations, but have never felt the emotions this intense. It’s almost as if I’m processing my whole life of hurt all of a sudden from that one break up which brought it all on.Why this time? Does this make any sense? Because all I want to do is sleep or cry. Whether that’s better than having a drink, I do not know.

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Robyn, I’m glad you are here. The breakup of your relationship is painful. And rather than drinking away the pain, you are allowing yourself to feel it. Even if it feels like a huge tidal wave of emotion and it is exhausting. I admire your courage! In the midst of this pain, it may be hard to see that there is also tremendous opportunity. A chance to make the changes you want to make for yourself. Hang in there. Get whatever support you need. Come here often. Because here, you are never alone. Love and strength to you!:heart::butterfly::butterfly:

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Welcome Robyn
Congrats on your 5 days.
Beautiful first post.

Crying was on the top of my list of emotions I couldn’t control when I first quit drinking. For quite awhile actually. I still cry a lot. I’ve been bottle up those emotions for so many years. And I guess mine come out in tears.

I’d sit here doing my gratitude in the morning and all of a sudden the tears would flow. Then my wife walks in the room :scream: What are you crying about? I never knew what to say. I guess it was my break up over alcohol, a long time friend. Or was it? It wasn’t. But it was a break up. But I was more angry and crying. Not tired.

The gratitude thread was a great place for me to start my sober journey here. Daily Gratitude, The Air Of Recovery #6
All I have to do is list what I’m grateful for each day now that I’m sober. And I got so much when I’m sober. And there is no way to “mess it all up.” It’s my gratitude and it’s a powerful tool when I practice it every day.

But, it’s the sharing that heals. Not the person that listens.
Believing In Myself

I hope to read you around.
:pray:t2::heart:

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The difference between this time and past attempts…could simply be that you are now ready to take this journey.

Many of us here tried over and over. For me, this last time felt different. I was ready to start healing and fixing. Now, i still had the urges, and the temptations. But this time, i was ready to be stubborn and say “NO” to those urges and temptation. It wasnt easy, bit 100% worth it.

This time I would cry over EVERYTHING! I swear a gentle breeze would move me to tears.
As i worked on myself, started finding the “why I drank”…and fixing those…life got better.

Reach out often here if you need help.

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Hey there. Just gonna give my experiences and hope it can help in some way. My relationships were always the downfall of me in big ways. Each time got harder. All long term relationships. I got so fed up with being used and wasting my time. Which led me into just that. A pity party and me not coping the right way with my emotions. Until finally I got fed up with myself. Life had better plans and I didn’t know it. What made me see that was finally being like, hey I need to take care of me! I’m worth it. No one else is stepping into my life in that form again until I give myself a tune up and fix the issues going on inside. Booze will and has never gotten me to the right place. Sit there and cry. Go through it. Pray or speak to whoever whatever everyday about how you feel. One day, it’s going to shed light and you’ll feel and see things more clear. Don’t give in to the booze. It helps no one. Ever! Prayers for strength and calmness during this time :blue_heart:

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Thank you all for your kinds words. I take comfort in knowing that none of us are alone on this road

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