I just got off the phone with my mom- she’s one of my best friends. Her birthday is coming up and I said “ just a heads up mom- I’m doing sober October???” Why couldn’t I just say I’m getting sober? I’m done drinking. Why is getting sober- embarrassing to me? I wouldn’t say anyone knows I have a drinking problem. I’m a high functioning drinker. Never a minute late to work. Perfectionist. Afterwork unwinding was my weak spot. First it was a glass or two of wine a night. Then the bottle. Why am I hiding my sobriety from my family and friends like I did my drinking? Just an odd realization I had.
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I feel the same exact way I feel like I’m embarrassed to tell people I’m trying to become sober and change my way. Instead I tell people oh I don’t feel like drinking today or I don’t feel good so I can’t drink it’s like why is my pride so big that I can’t just be honest with people and tell the truth I don’t get why it’s so hard. Stay strong and stay on the right path.
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Fuck what anyone thinks. Being sober is badass and absolutely nothing to be embarrassed of. Now that you’re sober you can do anything you want. Own your sobriety
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Thank you 
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I think maybe it’s about accountability too. If I don’t tell my family and friends, if I fail- I seem like less of a failure- in their eyes. Sad but true. All that should matter is how I see me…
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We hide because we can’t fail what we don’t commit to.
I am not saying that to be discouraging - I know you want to be sober and you recognize it’s important.
But as addicts we’ve given ourselves total freedom to do whatever we want whenever we want to. The “high functioning” label is a veil we hold over our vision; it’s a comforting lie we tell ourselves to give ourselves permission to “check out” of life & responsibility, through our addiction. (I promise I am not saying this to be discouraging, just to cut through to the heart of it.)
Recovery and accountability go hand in hand. It isn’t always possible (or appropriate) to be fully open and accountable to some people in our lives - sometimes those closest to us are themselves at risk, or there may be other concerns - but you do need to have regular, meaningful accountability. Often people achieve this through regular meetings, at which you can develop friendships that help you be who you need to be: fully present and living your life, in all the ups and downs.
You’re a good person and you deserve a safe, sober life where you can be your full self. 
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No offense taken- I just had the same realization above 
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Hmm. A couple things from my sobriety…
One, while I was keenly aware of my desire for sobriety, I slowly learned most people I knew hardly took notice.
I didn’t make many grand pronouncements, when the matter of drinking came up I learned just saying, “I don’t drink” was usually enough. Some noticed and just said, “Oh, good for you!” and accepted it. A few would ask why, and I just told them because I felt better that way. But really, other than close friends, no one really cared!
Two, I work a program and, when the time was right, came to making amends. That led to some more honest conversations one-on-one with people closer to me.
I would learn that despite thinking I had hid things well, people who were very close were at least a little aware of what was going on. And in my case, had already been relieved I was getting sober and seemed to be better. They cared and were happy I was happy again.
Anyway, at the end of the day, it doesn’t have to be something we hide. It also doesn’t have to be a major ordeal. I think if we’re sticking to the thing and getting better, it will work itself out in the end for the best. Though it does help if some we have trusted folks on our side in it to remain honest.
It happens and we find change for the better.
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I love this. Thank you
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All that matters is that you wanna be sober, basically no explanation needed. But I know that’s hard, I’m struggling with that as well sometimes.
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I’ve started being more open about it all now. I posted on my Facebook story that I’m 30 days alcohol free. Had 100 views and only 3 likes hahaha yet pics of me sunbathing gets more likes and lots of private messages…It’s funny! People either don’t care or 30 days is no big deal lol, or are jealous. If people don’t want to celebrate with me, that’s their loss.
When asked about drinking, For me I tell people I’m trying to hit sobriety. Some ask for how long and I say, hopefully forever is the goal. They ask why and I say because Ive found I use it when I’m sad, lonely, going through something, to socialise, bored etc and find I avoid what I’m going through and then I’m right back there a week or so later trying to deal with that again. I then would drink a few days in a row. I also say for health reasons. I tell them, I may as well work it out sober so I don’t have to deal with it again.
They seem to get it as I’m sure most people drink for the same reasons.
I felt shame but when I posted my pic on here the shame left me. I’ve found my script I tell people, as above 
and it works for me.
I also feel my script offers a mirror to them and a possible way out of their own trauma when they’re ready. I feel by telling this script I feel more committed to sobriety. The more I share it, the more concrete sobriety is feeling.
Honestly, if people judge me on why I don’t want to drink, I would be very surprised and would think wow, like you’d rather see me avoid my pain, feel more pain, and be unhealthy, all because you feel uncomfortable with me not having alcohol.
If someone takes your sobriety personal than it’s safe to say they have something going on they need to work on and it’s got nothing to do with you
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I think all this feed back is teaching me that however I want to go through this journey its up to me. Everyone’s sobriety journey is different, just like all of our lives are. Thanks for sharing a part of yours with me Kelly
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i can totally relate in the beginning. people shame being sober and reasons for being sober. or maybe its because we don’t want to be embarrassed if we end up using again after telling folks we’re sober? lots of reasons why it feels hush hush. it does get easier as time goes on. once i started being vocal about it, it got a lot easier. you just need to break the ice. now when i sense someone else’s dancing around talking about their sobriety, i’ll proudly chirp up and say ‘well i’m sober so…!’ and they’re like ME TOO!
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Well, me too 
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Hiding is what we addicts do. We hid our drinking because we didn’t want to seem like a failure. We hide our sobriety because we don’t want to seem like a failure. There is a lot of shame in our addiction.
BUT THAT DOESNT MAKE IT RIGHT!!
We have nothing to be ashamed of. We became addicted to an addictive substance. When someone quits cigarettes we don’t look at them like a loser who couldn’t control their smoking. No. We recognize that cigarettes are addictive and that quitting will be hard so we become their cheerleader. The same should be for alcohol. The only way it will be is if we are open about it.
But I’m all talk. I still don’t talk openly with my family or friends either. I don’t hide it, I don’t tell stories (anymore) etc but I don’t share with them how bad it was and how hard it sometimes is. I need to practice what I preach just as much as anyone. I know what I should do but I am still ashamed and hiding too.
WE CAN DO IT!!
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Some insight here,
We are addicts, we don’t want that label, I know I don’t,
In my detox I argued with my Substance Abuse Counselor, that I’m not an alcoholic or a addict.
To my family, I denied it as well I just “got out of control for a bit”
That was my story I could be fine I needed what I called an oil change, clean up for a bit, and I’ll be fine.
The 1st step says we are alcoholics or addicts and admit our lives were powerless over said DOC, it was the hardest thing for me to admit.
It’s a part of a toxic shame, like we don’t want to face the stigma, in fact in some groups I still don’t say it, I just say I don’t drink. In public personally those people don’t need to know, but the more I grew in meetings and in rehab I learned more about myself and the more I grew to accept what I am
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For me the number one reason I was ashamed in the beginning was fear of failure. I didnt want to tell everyone I quit drinking and then be drinking the next weekend.
The other major reason was accountability to myslef and others By attempting to quit and telling others I was signaling that I knew something was wrong about my behavior. Which would require me to work at fixing it even if I failed.
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I think many ( not all ) drinkers think of drinking as normal and that “everyone” should drink, and if you choose not to, then there is something wrong with you. I think some of it is them wanting accomplices on their own drinking endeavors and feeling threatened if someone dares to “jump ship”. All of us who have chosen not to drink can see the flaws in this. Not drinking is what is most “normal” and is something every non drinker should be proud of and embrace. There are really not any downsides. Feel proud of the non drinker in you. You will never regret all those drinks you did not have. AS you get more used to yourself sober you will become more easily able to declare it without feeling defensive or any other negative emotions, it is all good.
You do not have to have a “problem” drinking to want it out of your life. It is fine to just say… “I am done, I have had enough”.
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For me, to admit I am sober is to admit that my drinking was bad enough for abstinence to be my only way. My husband and kids know that well enough, but plenty of people would be shocked at how bad it got. Plenty of people just know I am not drinking ‘right now’. And that is fine. Right now is just gonna be a long time.
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This is the absolute truth, one which could potentially be hard to chew on because it’s so accurate.
Going to save this somewhere. Thank you.
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