Hello family! Felt like posting a “thought-provoke”that’s been swirling in my head lately. Thanks ahead of time for your input…
So, why can’t I have a nice drink with my delicious steak dinner at a fine dining restaurant with a gf…maybe every blue moon?
This is a little frustrating. I see people all the time enjoying drinks, being responsible and knowing how to exercise self control and not worry about succumbing to addiction and just understanding the dangers of that caustic liquid, which knowingly will bring and wreak havoc into their lives. At times I get jealous of these normies. Oh I wish I knew how to enjoy and drink responsibly
Sunday will be 4mo, and it’s been wonderful and beautiful. But lately I’ve just been thinking like man…it’s not fair…”why was I born this way?” But it is a disease and I guess I was destined to catch it at a young age where I allowed it to grow, fester, expand, steal, and do the damage it’s so famous for. I allowed that…yes. Only going through this life once is already a stressful, yet at times an amazing journey….it’s just a shame that “we” realize we cannot partake of the alluring potions…because we all know where it will lead…we’ve been down that gutter too many times to count and now that we’ve finally found freedom and can experience this beautiful life…yes, we come to the conclusion it’s not worth it. Not even one…no matter the occasion. We have to work hard to fully embrace this gift of sobriety…each and every moment…but in the end…we will have proven to be overcommers with a healthy conscience and approach to life with the best version of our core design and intent. We “are” amazing humans…and we will continue to be as along as we pay attention and are aware of the ever lurking demons and distractions that outright want to see us fail, give in and welcome destruction….
It would dishonest of me if I said I had never entertained the thought of “Just one”, but as you said:
I remind myself that, I only want to moderate (just one) because that would give me permission to get drunk, eventually, and that’s what I really want, because I am an alcoholic, and that’s what alcoholics do.
It’s certainly one of the reasons I’m still here every day after 1573 days. To remind myself just one doesn’t exist for me, and for all of us. During these 1573 days I’ve not seen one person return here after an absence and declare that yes, now can have just one every now and again. Not one. All that came back couldn’t do it. All ended up worse of than before they tried it. 100%.
And if not being able to drink or use drugs no more is the worst price to pay for our disease, I’ll take it over 1000 other diseases with much more dire consequences. All we have to do is live a healthy life. And find other stuff to do. Early congrats on 4 months Chris!
I just had this conversation with my husband last night after I got home from my meeting. It is unfair. But at the end of the day, for some reason I cannot understand, I’ve been chosen to break this vicious cycle in my family. I don’t want my children to have those feelings I have and that’s really the thought that keeps me from trying “just one” because i know that’s not possible. It sucks but I’d much rather own it than sulk. (Otherwise I’d be fighting a much deeper depression than I am already) We gotta be strong. And stick together. You’re not alone in those thoughts!
I noticed this line and thought I’d changed it to
“I don’t have to partake in the alluring poisons”
I no longer feel like I’m missing out at all, I actually feel grateful I don’t have to pay crazy prices for something that for me never ends in a romantic steak dinner but possibly shaming myself etc.
I also know that what we see out and about is not always reality, I could have a beautiful looking cocktail in a dress by the beach and it may look normal from the outside but a few hours later I had scraped knees and caused a fight
My most beneficial change happened in my brain when I went from “I can’t drink” to “I never have to drink again”. Just one is three and three is eight tomorrow and eight tomorrow equals ten next week. This math is exhausting.
I see people enjoying alcohol on TV or at a nice restaurant and I know that I don’t drink like that. I’m not a normie and trying to be a normie is frustrating. I can fake it for a day or two but the real me wants to burn everything down after that just one. There is freedom in my alcoholism.
Congrats on 4 months! I raise a frosty glass of ice water to you.
Indeed! Most of what we do comes down to permission. When it comes to drinking, as an alcoholic, we know in our heart of hearts that our permission is a sliding scale, if we permit one, we’ll permit one more. We must not permit any amount, and we must be steadfast with that; which requires a lot of self discipline at first. It gets easier over time, applying the self discipline, but we must always be vigilant in practicing it.
I wise man once told me, a smart person learns from their mistakes; a wise person learns from other’s mistakes. So, one thing I do, is read the storys of people who thought they could have “just one” and see how it created a downward spiral. If you search “i thought I could control” or “i thought I could have one”, you’ll see story after story of people just like you and me who decided to test it to their own detriment. These storys keep my resolve and discipline strong.
Again, congrats on 4 months, you’re making all the right moves!!
Hey Chris - way to go on being so close to 4 months! This is amazing friend and i do know your journey has been intense in getting to this point. You are doing it by working it ODAAT!
I do understand the frustration of not being able to enjoy that one glass of wine or cold beer or the night cap. Damn it if alcohol didn’t even take over breakfast with the mimosa’s and bloody mary’s… this is a disease but the world is pushing it like it should be normal to drink and sobriety is not normal. WTF. every activity can be linked with alcohol. This is what makes us think we are abnormal. My friend - i am here to tell you that we are the normal ones. We don’t need to rely on anything to help us enjoy a meal, enjoy a day or a vacation or get through a rough patch. We are not hiding away and we are facing life head on.
I am working on re-training my mind. Finding that I am happier and healthier without the poison. I know that some can moderate but honestly I know many are like I was and just seem well on the surface. I know i would have that “just one” and then let it all go to shit in the privacy of my own home. Moderation just didn’t work for me and I really am grateful that i am not filling my body with poison (even in moderation it is slowly killing me).
I am super proud of your restraint and i do hope that you are able to form a loving relationship with sobriety. This does not happen overnight but it is possible.
Thank you! I’m seeing the benefit as well to that permanent statement of “can’t” to: I don’t have to…like I have the power and the choice to never drink again, in comparison to: I’ve been given a prison sentence….
I use to dream of the 'once in a while ’ or a social drink… I can’t do it. I think the prevalence of people drinking way too much is probably higher than we think…
I now feel more comfortable with being someone who can’t have the odd drink as i can’t… it will always get worse which just isn’t worth the hassle
