My biggest trigger when I was in my disease was idle/isolation time. It was too easy with no accountability and no one ever around to watch, say, judge, condem, or criticize my actions. I was left to my own demise.
Thankfully my mindset and clean outlook on life has helped retrain and readdress those situations when they do arise so the path to being in the present is all the more apparent and sustainable. I have resources, distractions, prayers, support and a slew of other options to go to when those temptations come. They were always thereā¦I just chose not to partake. How selfish of me.
The reason why I labeled this topic āWhy sooo easy?ā is that at any point in time, at any moment, maybe at a whim or increased peer pressure or whatever reason and excuse you want to giveā¦itās so easy to go right back. Just like that. Itās ordering just one beer at the game. Itās having just one glass of wine with dinner. Itās just a margarita celebrating a Holiday. Whatever it is. Itās just way too easy to give inā¦ONLY if you choose of course. Thatās the criticality of it all. And thatās what separates the defining road we decide upon. Continue with sobriety and clarity; or go once again hand in hand with darkness, regret, sorrow and shame. I hate that. I hate thatās itās always right there looking sexy on the glass bar shelf, shining, colorful, cool. Even the glass itās poured in. The way itās poured. The way itās handed to you. Whether in a flute or in a tumbler, the end result will ALWAYS be the same: waste - of health, dignity, pride, finances, friends, relationships, family, work, you get itā¦
Itās like. Ok. Someone breaks their arm or their leg. They had surgery, they had to be in crutches, rehabilitation and on and on. Their lives were upended and was a major hassle until 6 months later they finally got healed up normal and they were good to go. Lemme ask you. Does that person ever want to break their arm or leg again??? Ha! Nope. No way in hell. So why couldnāt we have that initial thinking as well? After that first hangover, or puke fest or DUI, or divorce or damage or destruction, etcā¦.why in the world go back??!! Itās like going back and breaking your leg or arm all over again. Why? Itās the psychological games and torture that we go through in our minds that I think is whatās the most painful and tormenting. Idk. I guess thatās where my head has been at lately. Itās just too easy to jump back into the pool of death. And it may take a 1000 times to finally say Iāve had enough and make a change, and hopefully live a healthy and productive lifeā¦and those are the ones that choose wiselyā¦ā¦
I understand every facet of it. Alcohol is everywhere, and always will be. For me, it really does feel like I reprogrammed my brain. And it probably did take 1,000 times to get here, but what matters is I finally did. I have zero doubt about what would happen if I decided to have āoneā drink, and thereās nothing sexy about. I think about it every single day. It would be the absolute stupidest decision I could ever make. No. Iām not going back there again. None of us have to go back there again. Letās keep moving forward