Come to think of it i was a drunk hermit for a while too 
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I was the kind of person who drank at every occasion possible, even lunch hours at work… Which now I am horrified by.
The way I feel now, and how it worked for me during my year Sober is that: I have ZERO interest going to a bar or club with friends, it’s so boring to ME to be around drunk or high, over the top, people. Sobriety at it’s most reductive taught me that a lot of drinking is around fakeness, for whatever reason.
I will absolute 
meet them for a meal or concert or dinner out together, or a night at the theatre or cinema. Sure, they can even drink.
I cut out a few alcoholics friends in my life (before I admitted I was alcoholic lol) because their behaviours made me feel unsafe and I couldn’t believe how crazy they were … Which bloody well says it all. I’m estranged from my mother completely due to her alcoholism and the situations around that / complex traumas.
So these people are no longer my friends anyway, my friends I keep are a small circle of dependable good folk who I trust my life with. These are the people i make time for. Anyone else, forget it. I’ll stay at home and drink tea. I don’t even go to any work events for this reason, no thanks… My life means too much to me to waste my time on things that don’t serve me.
I am not exactly sociable though, but I have a core of amazing friends and that’s enough for me.
But the flip side to this is that my previous relapses have not depended on any social prompt or gathering! I’m therefore the danger, my own mind.
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This is good advice for everyone to contemplate, but I also think that everyone is different. For me, this idea doesn’t affect much.
My triggers were coming home, especially when my ex still lived here, but also to an empty, boring house. My car was also a trigger bc that’s what took me to get my alcohol and I did more than half of my drinking inside it. I know where every liquor store within 30 miles from me is and what their hours are. I know which 711 will sell you alcohol any hour of the night, legal or not. The same one that sold it to us when we were in highschool. I know they’re going to be there no matter what and there’s nothing I can do to change that. On the contrary, I also know where every daily AA meetings are within a 30 mile radius. I know, for the most part, they will always be there too.
My mindset is what had to change. Taking straight routes to my destinations and not turning down unnecessary roads or circling blocks while fighting in my head. Telling myself ‘No. Don’t go that way.’ 50 times a day. Learning how to be able to sit with myself was key as well. If I can’t sit comfortably alone in my own home, this could never work.
Going out and socializing was never about the bar. Even when I did go out, anywhere, I had my own stash on me always. People knew I drank, just not how much. I had admitted I was alcoholic but I really tried to downplay it majority of the time. Those who came to my home, the very rare few, got to witness my true alcoholic nature.
Now brutal honesty is key for me. Every single person I know, knows that alcohol is a problem for me, even those 711 clerks(like they didn’t already 
). I don’t care if it’s the first time I’m meeting someone, they’re gonna know it too. I have no shame over my disease. I am what I am and the world is not going to change bc of it. It’s up to me.
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Absolutely! Totally agree with this 
xo.
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I think the point is is that high risk situations can be kind of different depending on how people drank/used. For me I didnt drink in bars, clubs or at weddings, etc. Hermitting and isolating was not so good for me. If you know its a high risk situation for you then absofreakinglootly avoid it. As you said, you tried that and it knocked you down so you learned for yoy what a high risk situation was.
For me, it was about letting go of my old social habits and friends and starting new ones. Avoiding alcohol or environments where it was wasnt as much apart of it for me; becayse alcohol lived in my home anyway. We all have to learn what our triggers are, and how to protect our sobriety. Sure thing going out with old dribking buddies to a park while they drank well I might as well be wearing a darn BEER ME sign. But going to a cousins wedding, something I ddint do while drinking, in early sobriety I made sure I had a pop in hand, an exit strategy and a loved one on my arm (my darling sister) who knew I was striving for not dribking. I thibk bc those environments werent my haunts, it didnt bother me. The only thing that made me feel awkward was if someone tried to offer me a dribk and Id say no and they’d give me a loud “YOU DONT DRINK??” bit I soon learned that people who reacted like that tended to be people who over did it. And most ppl didnt bat at eye at the fact that I didnt drink. I had so much fun dancing my little legs off and being with family in a way I hadnt before. It was like spreading my wings and dippung my toes into life. And over time it didnt take long for me to observe how others drank; which didnt make me crave I just saw…some people got hammered, and its likr well I dont want that! And other people seemed to have so much fun and be silly, andbits like well I dont drink like that but most pepple Id say I hardly noticed the faxt that they had had a few.
I suppose its nice we all have different viewpoints, and for me its important to share them. Believing there is only one way or one perspective for me is the opposite of having that open mind to others. Something to learn from everyones take. Xo.
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“I didnt like socializing as much as I thought I had” made me chuckle
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The way I see it is, if you broke your leg while skateboarding, you wouldn’t go skating until your bones have healed.
In early sobriety, you’re literally healing - and to continue doing the things you did that made you sick in the first place, either directly or indirectly, is like skating with a broken leg. The chance of further damage is pretty high.
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I heard that with my whole chest 
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Tomorrow is black Wednesday. If you have a year or less sober it’s probably a bad idea to go meet your friends at the location bar to “catch up” and no you will not just drink soda.
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Great advice i agrer 100%. And its cold out. Why would anyone want to go outside in the cold haha.
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The biggest party night in America, also the biggest domestic violence night in America (I wonder if it’s related 
). If you’re here reading this TS people, stay home tonight 
. Great advice:slightly_smiling_face:
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Being an American pretty much all my life, I’ve never heard of this, so naturally I looked it up. Is it an east coast thing?
Regardless, stay home! You don’t have to go!
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Not sure. I just know it’s when flocks of young adults return home for Thanksgiving and head to their favorite bar from when they lived there. It’s like a high school reunion of sorts.
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We had it in Michigan. 
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Same here. I’ve heard Friendsgiving. I don’t have friends. Nobody wants to invite a sober guy.
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Probably a good time to bump this.
Just a reminder that no, you are not “strong” enough to go to bars in early sobriety.
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Nor is there any good reason to.
Say you don’t want to go, then don’t go. If someone gets upset, the problem is their expectations of you and taking it personally, it’s not the fact you didn’t go.
Want to make sure your friends have a sober driver when they go out? That is what taxis and public transit are for. Or one of them can choose not to drink.
Want to make sure your friend feels supported when they celebrate something? Show your support verbally, or with a gesture or small gift. In return, they can support you by accepting your decision not to go on a specific outing you don’t want to go to.
Want to spend time with your friends? Plan something that isn’t at a bar.
Just want to prove you can do it? Prove that you can avoid going to the bar. If you can’t say no to the bar, how can you be sure you can say no to the drink?
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Seems like a good time for the ole bumperewski.
If someone told me I could go over Niagara Falls in a barrel 100 times and I would only die one of those times I still wouldn’t go.
I don’t take unnecessary risks with my sobriety and I’m almost 7 years sober. Life is full of challenges that are unavoidable, why the hell would I want to add to that.
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It’s like my grandfather’s grandfather said… a fool and their sobriety are soon parted.
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Simple answer - naivety!
When I first joined, I thought I knew how right I was, and how wrong everyone else was! Big lol to that one.
I was a fool. Every trap I was warned about, I fell into.
Pro-tip for anyone new - listen to the veterans of these forms, they know exactly what they’re on about!!
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