Here I am again. 06:54 Saturday morning and slightly hungover, or at least very far from my best.
Absolutely love my fitness, but it gets sabotaged all the time with drinking.
I need help.
Seems to be when I start drinking I say I’ll just have a beer, then before I know it out comes the rum and it’s 2am (10 hours after I started)
I say to my wife I’m not going to drink then she starts and I’m right behind her. Happens all the time.
I’ve been thinking for ages I’d be better on my own as I know for sure I wouldn’t drink if I was.
But I don’t want to hurt anyone.
Is this too long a post?
First one so unsure.
Any thoughts please?
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First of all good morning and a warm welcome to this fantastic app. I am identifying myself so much in this post. I am too love my fitness and my body bit it always got ruined by alcohol. I would tell my self in the morning ah today I will stay sober and when the night came I would forget all my plans…
Today I am sober for 27 days. It is not long compared to some people here in TS but it is the longest I have been in a long time and I am telling you how I keep sober. Maybe it helps you. I am on this app as often as I can. I read a lot here. Asked in the beginning a lot. Listen to the guys with a long sobriety under their belt. And take their advice. I’ve been on this app since last year but it took me a while until I was really ready to step it up and to really actually stay sober. I slipped a few times and had to reset. And I never wanted to go to AA meetings which was advised by the people here. In the end I went and I loved it. It is good to be amongst people that understand you. And it really really does help me to stay sober.
And yes you will stop but you shouldn’t do this journey on your own. Ask for help on this app or go to AA meetings. I wish you good luck and I hope I will read more about you.
Oh and what also really helped me is to talk openly and honestly to my husband who is a normal drinker. Like that I always have someone next to me who knows about my addiction and who supports me in my actions. Is your wife a normal drinker?
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Sunshine girl.
Thanks for this reply!
27 days is fantastic, I’d take that in a heartbeat.
My wife’s normal in that we both work hard all week and say we’re only going to drink on Friday night, but then she ends up drinking Wednesday Friday Saturday until really drunk and I’m right there with her as soon as she starts.
I can’t see her drinking and not join in.
Maybe sit down and talk to her? Maybe she wants to join you on the sober journey? And just maybe she also realizes that her drinking is not thaaat normal? Because she doesn’t stick to one or two days of the week… You know I would do the same only drinking in weekends. But then I would start Thursday night because it is almost the weekend and on Monday because the weekend was just over and all the other days just because 
there is always a reason in your alcoholic mind… The hard working reason I know too well… I am a mom of two little boys and I work so I could always justify so so well to me why I had to drink at night. To reward myself for a hard day. And every day was a hard day suddenly:see_no_evil:
You said now you are feeling hangover. Embrace this feeling. Save it deeply in your mind so you always get reminded when you want to drink again how shitty you feel and how fed up of drinking you are. Sit down now and write all your feelings down. And write all the reasons down why you want to stop.
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That’s quality, I’m going to do that now writing it down.
I’ve said to her loads about it, I even said last weekend and the week leading up to it right that’s it I’m not drinking this weekend. It came to Friday and she had a wine and I said I don’t think I’m going to bother tonight. Next thing she brought me out a glass of wine and that was it again.
I love her but I feel it would be loads easier to stop if we aren’t together. I’m 45 and thinking the rest of my life’s going to play out like this.
I train 6 days a week and that’s what makes me happy. I think I need to have a long think about things
It is hard being around people drinking, but not impossible. Some useful suggestions and discussions here:
It sounds like she doesn’t understand that you are serious about not drinking. Maybe it makes her feel uncomfortable about her drinking.
I am not going to weigh in on whether or not you should leave your relationship. In terms of dealing with the situation as is, I know this is easier said than done, but you don’t have to join in when she starts! You can turn that glass of wine down. Or could you leave the house? Go training and do what makes you happy!
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What you just described you trying your wife you were choosing not to drink and then her bringing you a glass, to me that screams out that she is consciously aware that her own drinking is problematic and at least a little uncontrollable. Unless she just thinks you were trying to go without for a few days, if she knows that you think you have a severe problem then it’s telling of how she views her own drinking.
I understand if you feel that you have really come to the conclusion that your would rather leave her and do it on your own. I think of I were you I would first attempt a real deep proper conversation with her about it. I know you have said that your have broached the subject and you told her in the days leading up to the weekend that you did not want to drink. I think your should have another conversation with her but not just one where you say I’m not drinking, things like this require a brutal level of honesty that most people will try and avoid as it caused them to take a long hard look at themselves. Sit her down and say look we both have a problem with alcohol and I know that you feel your drinking is out of control and have a genuine convo about it.
If she is not willing to have such a conversation don’t get angry just simply say that you want a better, alcohol free life and I’m sorry but I will do whatever I have too to make that happen. Up till now it seems you have approached it in a way to casual manner.
It’s different telling somebody that you don’t want to drink when it can come across in a casual manner then if your were to be down and honest. If she knew that your were really really worried about your drinking would she have brought you that glass of wine in. Up to now you have said little but procrastinated in your own head a lot whereas you need to try doing the opposite.
That’s just my two cents looking in from outside.
Sorry if I got any of that wrong, it’s just assume things that seemed to stand out to me a little 
First off thanks for the reply.
Yes I think your right, I need to have a good think about things and what it is I really want.
You might just find that do down she wants the same be even if she doesn’t try to give her the option first. Your can always leave her down the line when your suitably sober. Plus say of you did separate but she resented you for leaving and gets angry all the time she is bound to try and express that anger and constantly being at war with somebody is going to make it twice as hard to stay sober as there will be twice as many unpleasant things happening that you have trained your thinking to I drink and get over it.
There are a few people in this site that have shared how they were in a situation like yours but we are strongly advised against making any big love changes in the first year of recovery, toys can be things like separating etc. Like in single bit in not even going to attempt a relationship with anyone until I have at least a year because it’s a sure fire way to end up back in active addiction .
This mate I’m realising is why it’s important to share what we are going through, as other people who are not in the situation can see things that your do not from within that situation…
And prior aren’t always right, I could have got all that I said some wrong but you seem to have identified with some of it. The fact that your are open to things people suggest goes to show that your have a great mindset for having a successful sobriety. Yeah you’ve had resets bit your still going, I know your will get there 
Maybe try a meeting they will help wish you well
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Welcome to the forum.
It is hard to live with someone who still drinks.
I was lucky enough that my wife didn’t at home in my first couple of months.
She does now, but I’m comfortable in my sobriety.
Ultimately whatever you decide to do, the only person who can make you drink is you.
You just say no!
Simple, but also hard at first. But the more you do if the easier it gets. It’s like learning a new skill. It takes time and practice to get it!
The answer to your question is " it’s up to you!"
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@superB how is your day going? Have you seriously thought about talking to your wife? Good luck and come back here when you need help
You know, I thought that myself about my husband for a long time. How the hell can I not drink when he is drinking? Geez!! Could you be any less supportive?
Then a wise person on here said, hey girl, your sobriety is 100% YOUR responsibility, 100% up to you, 100% your choice. And you know, I really GOT that finally. Was it harder having someone drinking in the house? Yes, it was. Did his drinking mean I had to drink. NO. So what to do when he drank?
I went to bed early a lot. I went to the gym to work out. Or to a yoga class. I went to our bedroom and read a lot. I watched TV. Basically I avoided being around him when he drank. And I explained that to him. That I was going to need to baby my sobriety and my self for awhile. That it was hard to be around him drinking, so I needed to protect my self for the time being. I let him know I loved him, did not want to drink and did need to take care of my sobriety. Maybe a meeting those nights she drinks would also help you? Tho it sounds like working out might be a good fit.
Make this about YOU and your sobriety. Not about if others are drinking. YOU hold all the cards, you just need to learn how to play them. It DOES get easier, but it takes time.
Edited to add, I didn’t see the part where she brought you wine…I have been there. Ask her not to do that anymore. If she is like my husband, she has heard you talk about this for a long time and doesn’t take you seriously. Let her know you are serious. And BE SERIOUS. This is YOUR responsibility. And you can do this.
My big suggestion? Work on truly getting sober and your recovery first. Work on YOU. The rest will become clear as time goes on.
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Hey @SuperB! Welcome!
I’m an alcoholic but cannot relate directly because my wife doesn’t drink. But I can relate with sweets! We are both trying to lose weight and we know we shouldn’t have sweets, but when one suggests dessert the other caves. So I can see how hard that would be because it’s hard for me to say no to a big bowl of ice cream; my only weakness.
The truth is, no one can make me eat ice cream other than myself. It’s my choice. So, if I really want to lose weight, and I do, I’m going to have to step up my self empowerment game and start saying no and finding alternative activities. The question then becomes, am I ready to do this? Spoiler: I am, I begin Monday.
I’m doing this for myself, but also want to lead by example. Habits run off on those around you, good and bad. So, here’s to our sobriety and weight lose!
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Hi everyone,
Had a good day actually.
I said to my wife first thing right that’s it this time and she was like yeah right (totally understandable as it’s been said many times) so we sat and had a quick chat this afternoon where I explained how I was feeling and she’s been really supportive.
Great tips ability going out and doing other things, I am the same through the week not looking forward to the Friday because I was thinking I was going to be sitting there not drinking while she was or else knowing I was going to join in.
Friday evening will now be one of my swimming nights! Plus bath/early bed/book is a great plan.
I’m feeling quite positive.
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I love early bed! Sober sleep is amazing!! Early on in sobriety I was going to bed around 8PM,.sometimes earlier. Ain’t nothing wrong with that!
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I’m glad you chatted.
Honestly my husband used to offer me drinks all the time. Partly because he felt guilty for drinking but also partly because he didn’t realize that I meant I wanted to stop forever, not just a week.
Overtime he has understood and now is very respectful. He even drinks a lot less himself.
But to get to this place I had to be adamant that I would not drink. That meant I had to say no to ME every time I was tempted. Offering me a drink doesn’t mean I have to take it. It is up to me to say no.
Good luck. YOU CAN DO IT!!
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Hi sunshinegirl, I’m doing good thanks:) sober Saturday, Sunday and today so starting to feel fresher, which if I don’t drink thru the week usually by Thursday I’m feeling great. Just have to make sure it continues over the weekend and every other weekend going forward. Feeling determined about things though. How are things with you, is that you 30 days?
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Have you thought at all about just hitting some meetings ? Perhaps having a conversation with your wife. You and your recovery should always come first and who ever your with should understand that.