I have really been struggling emotionally the past few days and I’m finding it so hard to stop crying.
Im 2 weeks sober as I was binging 3- 4 times per week for years and I am realising it was to block out painful feelings and feelings of being not good enough.
Drinking of course was making me miserable and things were getting just unbearable. . .anxiety and depression etc
The thing is…although I havent had a drink in 2 weeks, I feel so low and dont know what to do with myself. I dont know if it will get better or if it normal to feel this way early on in sobriety.
I just want to sleep and shut the world out.
As it’s Christmas, I have to put on a brave face as I am with my husband’s family and Im really struggling.
Im hoping this will pass as it’s becoming unbearable.
It will get better. That is it will if you are willing to put in the work. You say you drank to bury certain feelings. Not drinking will not erase those feelings any more than drinking actually managed to hide them. For me, my addiction was actually a symptom of what was wrong with me rather than the cause. Feelings got very raw at the beginning and felt overwhelming simply because for the first time in years I wasn’t behind a chemical wall trying to convince myself that I was ok. Finally I let myself actually feel the feelings and begin to identify what each one was and why I was feeling it. Once I reached that point is when the real work began and when I started to recognize progress in my recovery.
I guess here is my main support, which Im so grateful for.
Ive no alcohol in the house and my partner is supporting me.
Im back to work on Tuesday which in a weird way is a blessing as it’s back into a routine and a distraction…
Hope its enough.
Thanks for your reply.
I think you are right. . .I’m actually ’ feeling’ things properly now and hiding behind the cloak of numbness that alcohol brings.
Im not tempted to drink at all today which us something. I just wish the sadness would lift.
Well done for going through this journey, I hope you are well
Feeling all the feels is totally normal! For me once the initial grief phase passed then i felt great. Then my mental health crashed and it’s taken some time to get to a more even place. Being an active part of this community really helped while I was doing the hard stuff. Even at my lowest points, and there were a lot of them, I never regretted being sober. I knew drinking wouldn’t fix anything. There are a lot of cliches about being in dark places and them being the point from which you find light. I found a lot of meaning in them. And generally in recovery principles. Things do change - keep going, keep connected. You can do it!
It is normal. Christmas is a lot unto itself. So many expectations and so much joy……for some of us it can be a challenging time of year to get thru mentally and emotionally. Add to that early sobriety…oof…what a mix! It is okay to feel how you feel. And you won’t always feel that way. Even tho it may feel like it right now.
Early sobriety our bodies mind and spirit are healing. They have been thru so much. All that time and poison and all those unfelt and suppressed emotions. They leak out slowly of our cells and being and we feel…actually feel all sorts of feelings we drank or used at. It is a lot and that is okay.
Plus, we grieve…the life we had (yes, we can still grieve those things that weren’t healthy or good for us), friends, ways of being. We are letting go of a version of our self, of a chapter or many chapters (for some of us an entire lifetime). So there is grief there as well.
It is a lot for anyone. Anxiety and depression were close friends for many decades. Sobriety hasn’t totally alleviated either, but once we get thru early stages and allow ourselves our feelings, once our body and mind begin regulating more healthily (without all those toxins), we often feel a lifting and change. And we are more clear and centered and able to take what steps we need to to continue to heal ourselves.
And eventually as we heal and continue our sober path, some work around the why we were using and the what we were escaping from is necessary to move forward and beyond. Journaling, body work / physical activity, programs, therapy, meditation…all these can help us heal and recover.
Feelings can be scary and overwhelming when we aren’t used to them. But honestly they do come and go if we allow them to. I really like journaling as a release, get it out and onto paper. I can leave some of the anxious feelings there, in my journal, open up some clear space inside.
So glad you reached out and asked. You are not alone in wondering.
…for some of us it can be a challenging time of year to get thru mentally and emotionally. Add to that early sobriety…oof…what a mix! It is okay to feel how you feel. And you won’t always feel that way. Even tho it may feel like it right now.