Almost 20 days without alcohol! My husband and i have been together since 2020. Second marriage for both of us. Since we’ve been together we have had more drunk days together than sober days. It started small, taking a few shots after work and doing house work together to drinking all day long and passing out by 3pm. We both hit rock bottom and decided we need to change. We have successful careers and a bright future together. My concern is how do we move forward with a sober life together when all we really know is being tipsy/drunk together.
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Welcome Courtney.
Congratulations on your 20 days! And 20 days together! Thats awesome. Gosh I wish my wife joined in on my sobriety journey. But that isn’t my story. Anyway…… I do see couples together at AA meetings. Sometimes my wife joins me at Open AA Speaker meetings then we have dinner out. I didn’t go to meeting to “get sober.” I did it ass backwards. But I go to meetings now to learn more about how to “live life and be sober.” If that makes any sense. I was pretty nervous at first. But I found out I fit right in. Of course I do. The only requirement is the desire to stop drinking.
I wish you and your husband all the best.
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I’m not in a relationship but just reading your story is saying to me that you couldn’t make a better change in your lives and in your marriage than both being sober. Being under the influence muddles everything. Makes you avoidant of your problems. Makes conflicts bigger and less solvable. Makes you want and try to forget anything that might be wrong instead of meeting problems head on and solve them before they grow too big. So many congrats to the both of you on being sober Cortney & wishing you all success in your sober life! And welcome to Talking Sober of course!
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Hi Courtney! My sweetie and I are 1 day apart on soberism as she stopped first, I went to rehab and she gleaned from me the elements of a solid foundation of recovery. We’re 6.5 yrs sober now & going strong. I chose AA as it made sense to me and I needed some structure like I had for 20+ years in the military. I still work in medicine and she taught K-8 kiddos for 20 yrs.
She’s the smarty pants and nearly has her PhD (clinical psychology) who prefers no meetings but understands recovery is different for each.
We went through a lot of shit in the beginning but found again what made us click other than the booze: being together, sharing a common goal, sharing our thoughts/ feelings and being honest, always. Most of all, I think, is us always making the other feel wanted, heard and irreplaceable.
Super cool you’re here & got near 20 days of sanity! Stick around please.
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My husband and I got sober but not at the same time. He started about 2 years after me. Building our sober life together has more ups than downs. We’re rediscovering ourselves and each other. We go on date nights, something we never did in active addiction. We go to AA outings and socialize with only sober friends. We do work on our recovery separate though. Life is so much better now that we made a promise to each other - if 1 of us relapses, the other will file for divorce.
Wishing you the best on your journey!
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Hi. I’m on Day 4 (almost). I feel your post, as I have had no sober days with my husband ever. I have gotten sober a few times over the past 7 years with him, (like when I was pregnant with our beautiful, now 4 year old daughter), when I broke my leg (while drinking), when I had DCCP involved in our family and forced into a program). But throughout my sobriety binges, he has never quit drinking or smoking weed. He does not think he has a problem, and I didn’t think I did either. I’m finally out of denial, and I pray every day that he will join me in a better life for our family. Be well. 
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Hi Courtney, welcome to the community and congratulations on reaching 20 days of sobriety!
My relationship with my husband started off with lots of booze and cocaine. I knew he was the one when the next day he went shopping for hangover supplies (food + soft drinks etc.) and took care of me.
Over the years, pretty much all our fights were during a drug and/or drinking session. I would get verbally abusive, he’d spend the night trying to stop me from hurting myself. We had some pretty rough patches and nasty verbal exchanges, but our relationship was so good when we were both not wasted that we’d usually patch things up the following day. It really and truly was a shitshow peppered in with good times and it’s quite impressive our relationship survived.
Anyway, fast forward to now. We’ve both been off the coke for almost three years. I’m 1 year and 3 months sober from everything. He still drinks, but it’s very little and very rare, never at home, and he never gets drunk. While I was worried our relationship would get boring without the booze, things have never been better. He doesn’t have to live constantly on edge worried about my next blackout disaster. He’s more relaxed around me. We basically never fight.
You’re making a great decision to pursue sobriety that may help your relationship going forward. I didn’t think my husband and I would make it, but here we are.
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