On New Years Eve after a few hours of drinking (ok alot of hours) i thought it would be a good idea to get in my car and take a 4 minute drive to visit someone and keep drinking. I think must of blacked out because I only remember the feel of being jolted and all of this horrible crashing and booming and glass breaking. I drove the car to a friends house and pulled a large branch out of the windshield. I cant close my eyes without seeing my headlights all over the night sky, and my head bouncing all over. The sounds of that night keep echoing in my mind. I should be dead. I truly had a co pilot that night. I knew in that moment that I had to stop drinking. I can go days and days without a drink but I can not have just one drink. I just have to keep drinking. I have a good support system but Im my own worse enemy. No one is harder on myself than me. Now I have no car and no way to work and I cant sleep because of the nightmares of that night. Im ashamed, embarrassed, mortified, guilty, angry, and sad. My actions have affected so many loved ones.
Welcome Debbie. That is the kind of drunk I am too. I can go days, weeks, months, but if I start up again, I have no off switch. I made the decision to never pick up that “one” I seem to be able to repeatedly convince myself I can handle. You are very lucky your accident wasn’t worse. It is indeed a wake up call for you. I can’t answer if the nightmares will stop. I just know that with things I regret, they become less nightmarish with time as long as I keep doing my daily work to stay sober. The nightmares switch to fuel and drive- I never want to be back in that place of guilt and regret, so I use the sting those memories still have to remind me to never go back and never question my decision.
You’re alive. You got a chance at changing the trajectory of your life. It’s you at the wheel and your choice to make stuff better. Sober and clean. Don’t go it alone because that’s a road to nowhere. Find help. Meetings. Professional. Whatever it takes. Let’s do this. Wishing you all strength and success. X
Sounds like you’ve reached a turning point. So glad you came here for support and love.
Me drink driving and crashing my car was my final rock bottom too. I know how you’re feeling, i really do. All you can do is thank God that you’re alive and no one was hurt and use this to fuel you in getting the help you need. Cars can be replaced but people cant…
Im like you in that i can go days/weeks/months without drinking but as soon as i have one I’m not in charge anymore and will go on for days drinking, it was on one of these binges that I drove (to the shop to get more alcohol…) and i crashed my car.
That was around 8.5 month’s ago now and i still get a tight horror feeling in my chest when i think about it, but im thankful for it now because when im having a weak moment i recall that memory and theres no denying just how bad things had become. It gives me the strength to continue when I need it most. Although of course i wish it had never happened, but it did and neither me or you can take it back. We can only learn from it.
You wont forget what happened but as time goes on and if you stick with your sober lifestyle you will think of it differently, let this be your turning point. You dont ever have to feel this way again.
You are the problem, so you can be the sollution as well.
Drinking is a progresive and killing disease.
Glad you are alive and can change the outcome of it. Give it all you can!
Trow away all the booze. Avoid every alcohol related friends, places, events for a couple of months.
And be here much for advice and back up.
That was me too. Binge drinker, could go days, weeks no alcohol or just 1 or 2 and then bam, gotta drink it all, 4 bottles of wine no problem. Drunk driving too…totalled 4 or 5 cars, cannot even remember…sad.
It definitely gets worse if you keep going.
It definitely gets better if you stop.
Over time, we do learn to forgive ourselves for all that we have done. Our actions haunt us less as we begin to heal the hole we were drinking to fill.
I am glad you are alive and did not kill or injure yourself or others. This seems like a wise time to say enough and move forward to heal yourself.
Fabulous! I had a bad day on day 4 but I called my sponsor and hit a meeting. It was bad not because I wanted to drink. That thought never crossed my mind. I was angry because Im sick and cant be like everyone else.
Wonderful to see!! (Obviously not the sick bad day part!!). So happy for you!!! Keep at it!! 
Hope you feel better soon.