For now, trying to just quit thinking about The Toxic Liquid. The reason that it is so hard for me is really not so much addiction…the stuff tastes awful, anyway…but instead that with a clear mind, the circumstances of the tragedy haunt my mind non-stop. I try to get it out of my mind but if these circumstances were known to others they would understand wny they haunt and torment me. Anyhow just…writing…because this is helping me hang on to my resolution to STOP no matter what.
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I don’t know your situation, but I am proud of you. Here if you need a friend. Keeping fighting the fight, you’ve got this.
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I’m here for you as well anytime you need a friend to lean on 
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That sounds about right. I have heard some say here that the addiction is merely a symptom of the real disease, our thinking. Like splinting a sprained ankle so it does not get more damaged, stop using poison so the brain has a chance to reorganize. This is a cunning and baffling disease, be ready at all times to have defenses set up to protect your mind from the poison it wants.
Glad you are here. No alcohol for me today is my plan.
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Thank you; and proud of you all.
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I do not know if this is day 3 or day 4. Wanting to do the deed more and more. It is like, I’m going to just go ahead and have some…then telling myself don’t you dare, then thinking just one shot wont matter, then thinking i never ever stop at just one shot, instead take six shots at the very least; then thinking well, really, it does not matter if I stay away from everyone, I need it, i need it; then telling myself you will be sorry one way or the other, and on and on for every minute i am awake. This prolonged silent soliloquy is so dreadful; yet I cannot help it. But I have not caved in. Typing about it helps, for some reason.
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How are you now?
You are doing great, writing about your thoughts!
If one day is too long, concentrate on one hour.
If one hour is too long, concentrate on one minute.
If one minute is too long, concentrate on one breath.
And then consider: What can I do for this one breath, this one minute, this one hour to stay sober?
And then do it. Write down how long you have made it, even if it is one breath long. You did it!
And then continue. One breath at a time.
If you can and think it would be helpful, make a list of things to do.
And come back and write.
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Well tonight i did give in. I worry terribly about triggering others… that is why i created my own tnread; anyways 3 shots slowly taken and i feel like Heaveh…who might have gone through this and how to overcome the more modest drinking that makes you feel likecHeavan and in fact what indeed is wrong with it if you do notvaff3ct others in any way??? M.
Maybe try ameeting might help you stay sober wish you well
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Yuck New day new attempt. Last night was an example of why it is so hard. I felt very good. I did not get anything done though. I meant to paint. Instead i just played with dolls and then fell asleep.
Some of my friends tell me they gave up drinking because they do not like who they become (mean). However (and im sure i am not unique in this respect) I have no such fear, because as i have been told i do not have a mean bone in my body. And those who know my history (misery and abuse during so called childhood and more of the same for many many years thereafter) wonder how i can be such a soft little mouse. I hurt nobody, ever. All i have ever done is turn up my music too loud. Now i have headphones. So i do not have that fear.
But one person i do hurt happens to be myself. I feel awful this morning. Alcohol mouth. Headache. Disappointed with myself.
Yet, those 2 hours of feeling like heaven are a huge temptation to me. I seem to think the price i have to pay is worth it. But it is not because i cannot stop at one drink. My roommate drinks but knows how to stop after one or two drinks. I never stop at that. I keep on and on until i either get very sick or pass out. Is that what makes a person an alcoholic ?
Fortunately i passed out yesterday after the three drinks. But i have a nasty headache and i am disgusted with myself. It is a brand new shiny Sunday though. I am back on square one again, a little pawn. I want to make it all the way across the chessboard and become a sober queen.
I cannot attend meetings for a few reasons. So i am using this app and writing in this forum. The people here are kind and understanding. Thank you all so much.
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Thank you for this. I shall read your advice over and over again. I have to try this all over again today. A nasty migraine is keeping me from even wanting ever to drink again right now. That will change as soon as i feel better again. Im thinking of dumping my remaining alcohol down the drain.
THIS is a great idea! Put that as No. ONE on your list and do it right away. No substance at home, more time to get over the cravings, before you can reach the bottle.
Keep us posted on your journey