Wine is destroying my life

so here I am for the 2nd time as first time I convinced myself I didn’t have a problem!! however sat here alone on Xmas day after arguing with my family last night and not getting my kids home at a reasonable hour to go to bed on Xmas eve then you start asking yourself why do I drink!!
for me I just can’t stop once I start and I black out almost every time i drink, the fact it’s now ruining my family means it’s gone to far
I came out of an abusive relationship 2 years ago and it’s got worse since then, I feel I’m going to lose everything if I don’t stop now
thanks for reading Kirsty xx

8 Likes

Merry Christmas. Realizing you need to change is a great Christmas gift to yourself and your kids. I’m day 46 today. You can do it. I was drinking wine everyday for 7 years, even when I was sick. It gets better. :heart:️:christmas_tree:

3 Likes

Merry Christmas to you too!!
today has been awful, really hoping I can rebuild my family and my kids trust xx

3 Likes

Oh wow I feel this post. So many XMAS mornings were spent in that kind of depression.

I remember one in particular that I just took off on my family xmas eve night and didnt show up till late xmas day. The shame I still feel is uncomfortable to even talk about.

I can only say that this morning was not like that at all (West Coast GMT) As a sober member of AA I woke up with a loving family and bountiful gifts of love.

Never forget how you feel today. It will be the driving force to never have to feel this way again. You are so much ahead of the game just by being on this app.

Find a meeting, grab a sponsor even when your entire being is saying screw these people. Take every bit of guidance and direction someone offers.

I know its hard but you can do it. It never has to be like this again! We are all here cheering you on!

6 Likes

You recognize that your drinking is interfering with your life. Best to change that now, before life is what interferes with your drinking.

When we use alcohol as a crutch to deal with stress or emotional pain, we never realize that like any crutch, the side being propped up grows continually weaker. Emotions are like muscles. Time under tension makes them stronger.

Today ia a great day to embark upon the journey that leads to recovery. I hope you find as much support and encouragement here, as I have found. I also hope you will be there for others, when their resolve is flagging.

Merry Christmas! Let this be the first day of a sober and healthy life.

4 Likes

the shame today is killing me!!! my sister won’t speak to me but my parents and going to help me through this, but even they dont know half the things of what I’ve done when drunk
this is 1st day of rest of my life for me and my kids

4 Likes

will totally be there for others!!! this is why I’m here as I know I can’t do this alone

6 Likes

None of us can do this alone. I tried doing it alone. I failed. But I chose to fail forward, and now I’m here.

And wine…that was my favorite. Never met a red wine that I didn’t like. Problem is, they never like me back.

2 Likes

white wine for me!!! I always have at least 2 bottles and then always know I’ve let myself down one way or another, worse is that my kids are even asking me not to drink so I know I’m affecting them too
my ex husband just brought me a bottle of wine and I’ve had to explicitly tell him I don’t want it!!!

3 Likes

Wine was my Drink of choice for a long time after college. Always thought it was better than the other alternatives. During the holidays it is especially tough! I got 3 bottles for gifts at work and they say in my desk until I have them to my ex.

1 Like

that makes a lot of sense to me and I have tried to stop so many times over the last year but even with them asking me too I didn’t

today I really feel that I want to and am going to, one day at a time

1 Like

Wow, so like how I was, once you start, you can’t stop then BOOM, here comes the black out and God only knows what happened during those. I used to waken up having lost hours of my life.

Have you read the Doctors opinion in the AA big book? I would suggest reading it, you’ll find it if you Google it, see what you think about it and if you want to discuss feel free to DM me. It really answered a lot of questions I couldn’t answer for myself.

Stay strong today and start making a life for yourself. As a still suffering alcoholic you are sick, sorry if that annoys you, it used to annoy me when my sponsor referred to me as sick, but now I realise he was absolutely right, I was very sick.

Good luck :four_leaf_clover:

2 Likes

yeah I very rarely remember things when I drink as I only seems o be able to do it to excess!!!
thanks I will have a read and let you know!
this is going to be a struggle I have no doubt and will be for a long time
thanks!

It doesn’t have to be for a long time so stop thinking that way. You can do something about this now.

2 Likes

Good Luck with keeping sober. I have been there and am 10 months sober but I forgave myself for my past but I will never forget and don’t want to revisit it. It will get better

3 Likes

I have a sobriety date of 9/22/16 and if you would have told me that 15 months ago, I would have told you that you were full of crap. I drank and drugged for 20yrs and I tried and tried and tried on my own and I failed miserably. I wanted to save my relationship with my kid and my family and when I said that they told me I had to do it for me and it pissed me off. But today I get it. It says in the AA Big Book that alcohol was only a solution to our problem, we had to get down to the causes and conditions. So that tells me that alcohol and drugs were never my problem, I was my problem. After getting a sponsor and working the 12 steps, not only did I find out why I kept doing those things, it cleared all the things out of me that made me make the decisions I did. I was physically, mentally and spiritually sick. It says that the only the that stands in the way of me and a drink is God. That no human will power could have relieved our alcoholism. Now that I have cleared all those things out of me and the things that stand in between God and I, I am sober for the 1st time in 20yrs. I had to reach the point of desperation until I was ready for a change. Not only am I sober, my relationship with God is back on track which is number one, I have my daughter back and my family along with healthy friends and not the ones that will hold me back. I searched and searched my whole life of why i did the things i did and why I was the way I was. The 12 steps revealed all that to me and more. My daughter couldn’t keep me sober nor my family, that’s because they couldn’t. They couldn’t relate to me and why I felt the way I felt or did the things I did. The people in AA knew all about me and my condition. My condition was called alcoholism and I was sick. This disease don’t discriminate and don’t care who you are, what color you are, how old you are or where you come from. It’s patient and it kills. As it says it’s cunning, baffling and powerful. That’s because your fighting a battle you can’t win by yourself. My suggestion is that you get to a meeting and get a sponsor and work the 12 steps and keep coming back till the miracle happens. Nothing happens in God’s world by mistake. Just like it wasn’t a mistake that you got on here and posted this and you have all this support from people who understand. It’s the same way in the metting rooms of AA. God will restore you if your willing, that’s all it takes is willingness to do something different. I never knew about AA or anything before I came into those rooms. It wasn’t a mistake that God placed me in those rooms cause it saved my life. God Bless and Merry Christmas to you and your family. If you ever have any questions feel free to ask and don’t be afraid to ask anyone that is staying sober for advice. I have made the best of friends in those rooms and we work together to stay sober.

8 Likes

Great story. Congrats to you :slight_smile: