It’s been roughly 5 years I’ve been on my sober journey. I haven’t been sober the whole time, but my goal has always been to lead a healthy happy life and that comes with ups and downs like anything else.
Through it all I’ve finally started understanding the root cause of so many issues that simply going to meetings, therapy and doing the “recovery” work never seemed to address.
I have always had a hard time relating to the stories of others in meetings. My experiences and struggles just haven’t been/feel the same. And this has mirrored how I’ve always felt about the people in the world around me - that I’m not like them.
I learned recently that these lifelong struggles I’ve had are symptoms of a long undiagnosed ADHD, which presents very differently in women and are usually diagnosed later in life for various reasons - but we aren’t the bouncing off the walls like the ADHD boys were when we were kids. The H is silent on our versions.
And I’m starting this thread today because I need to find a community around this diagnosis, especially because I’m an adult woman also going through menopause which brings an entirely new layer of challenges.
My head has been spinning with all the realizations, disappointments, fears and while the menopause seems to be causing more hot flashes than emotional issues right now, I don’t know what I’m in for.
I do know that instead of going to a bar or buying beer I’m putting on headphones and hiding in dark rooms to meditate when I’m overwhelmed or overstimulated. I’m making all these a-ha connections between how I’m living/coping and ADHD I never could before because of the knowledge In finally gaining, too. For me, knowledge is my higher power because it helps me create a plan and a way firward. To say learning about this diagnosis was life-changing is an understatement. I had been up against a wall and now I’m not.
I know that I feel deep shame for the parts of my life I can’t manage because of the adhd and am still trying to figure out how to do it.
I was not “better off” not drinking in the sense that being sober didn’t really help me fix problems I was having with anxiety, depression, feeling like life was an uphill battle all the time, making mistakes in things that others seemed to do so well.
It has many benefits like clarity of mind, better physical health, but I found the problems unrelated to drinking were still there and the framework I was functioning under for getting myself together were things like “I have depression”.
But the depression was caused by ADHD. The pleasure seeking was because I’m already at a dopamine defecit. Finding out how this disease has affected my life from as far back as I can remember has been wild. Head spinning. Enraging. Exciting.
Finally knowing has been relieving. I finally feel like in sobriety I can also be alive and have a way forward.
I want to share stories, ideas, advice with women like me, too.
I’m just starting this new leg of this journey and so I’ll post here things I’m learning, questions, hopefully make connections with others, too
And my weight is brutal. I’ve been going up and down about 5 pounds every week. I swear it’s day to day. What I eat the day before really affects my weight the next day. Sure, it’s only going to be water but it is also bloating so clothes fit differently from day to day.
and received the official diagnosis.
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