First-It is EXCEPTIONALLY difficult for me to ask for help, especially when it concerns my addiction.
Second-I have a very strong work ethic and am the FIRST one that co-workers call when they need days off because I VERY RARELY say no.
With that being said, I am EXTREMELY saddened and let down by my co-workers and one of the management team.
This month has been the hardest in my recovery. I asked today if anyone would be willing to cover HALF of my shift so that I could attend two meetings today. (They all know I’m in recovery and have said that they would help whenever they could.)
NOT ONE SINGLE PERSON answered until it was too late. Except for the person considered management. She said…“I’m off. Call oncall.”
I just don’t understand people’s mentality now days. You’re shit if you use and yet you’re shinned if you ask for help…smfh
I am sorry that you are going through this. Guess it’s not to be taken personally and just bc you feel like doing it, won’t imply others to do so, equally. It’s a hard lesson to learn, which I am doing as well. Glad you are staying strong. Put sobriety first, before taking shifts of others.
In these situations, I would think my coworkers had very important things going on in their own lives that they couldn’t cancel and maybe they didn’t want to share that info with me. I try not to take it so personal. I also don’t have high expectations of others and this way I’m not let down so easy.
I understand your feeling of being let down. I am often in the situation you’re describing. I would ask myself: have I done enough to ensure my request has the best chances of being anwered? Have I given enough time before hand? Have I maybe contacted ppl individually rahter than sent a group msg noone feels compelled to answer? Can I maybe talk to my boss/super to get rid of a certian shift for good so I can attent the meetings I need regularly?
It’s best to take care of yourself and not rely on the circumspection and kindness of others for things that are essential. This way, resentments don’t build up.
I’m not saying you’re doing this, but I have learnt that ppl who give too much and over-step their own boundaries for the sakes of others regularly don’t just do this “because that’s who they are” but a return/repay of this attitude by the other ppl is kinda implied/expected. When this doesn’t happen because the other ppl weren’t aware they are indepted to us in our own mind, we get resentful, disappointed, we feel entitled to more. This is codependent behaviour. I’m guilty of it many times.
Congrats on your recovery so far! I’m sure you can learn from this experience, it seems valuable to me. Maybe bring it up at your next meeting, pretty sure folks there will know what you’re talking about!
Likewise I have a strong work ethic, currently working two jobs because I’m insane
But I was always a yes man, always volunteering to cover, pick up OT, stay late etc.
In the end I suffered the most, my ability to say no reduced me to being unable to work on myself, my addiction and my own life became unmanageable. At work I was a shining star, at home I was a disaster.
You like me, need to learn to set healthy boundaries to protect yourself, and your recovery. It’s ok to say no it’s something I struggled with for a long time
@Faugxh OUCH! And Thank You! (Currently rubbing her nose gently) Your wise words hit right on the nose…but were needed. They reminded me of something I was told a long time ago…
“Stop expecting everyone to have the same heart as you, because they won’t.”
I was also told to stop wearing it on my sleeve, but that’s never gonna happen so…lol
Uff, sorry if my reply caused discomfort! It certainly comes from a good place of caring and wanting to pass on a lesson I learned and value very highly in my recovery. Still constantly working on it. Hope you’ll get to do the same, it gets better and easier with time!
Hugs!
My two cents:
People adapt to different roles that can be hard to break out of. Perhaps your co-workers have got used to the idea that you’re usually “the one” who will cover for others. If you start acting differently, or out of your “role”, there can be backlash bc you’re making them to change too.
I’m sorry you felt you’re not getting support for your recovery from them. Please don’t let that discourage you. Keep making choices that will take you forward.
@Fury The nose rubbing was because you hit the nail on the head, words rang true so it was a GOOD piece of wisdom. Thank you for sharing and please don’t stop.
Jade
