Everyone says that being active on here is helpful, so I will try to post more. I guess I’ll start with what happened yesterday. Yesterday was day 16 without alcohol. I haven’t made it this far since December of 2024. Anyway, work seems to be my trigger because I like to have something to look forward to when I get home, and that something has always been alcohol. For these 16 days, my motivation has been: I want to be a sober person. Well, yesterday I didn’t care about being sober anymore, and I bought two bottles of wine after work. But by the time I got home, I didn’t want it anymore, so I didn’t drink. I ate dinner and went to bed early, knowing that the wine is in the refrigerator. I’m going to return it to the store later today because I can’t have it here. It scares me that my mind can turn on me so quickly. I’m scared this will happen again, and I will give in. I do want to be a sober person. I want to see who I can be without alcohol. Today is Day 17. Thank you for reading.
Congratulations on your 16/17 days! That is a great start.
Problem with motivation is: it’s fluent. Sometimes high, then low. And your addiction is taking advantage of it. In the low moments, it will sneak in and suggest drinking again, that’s for sure.
So, you need to prepare yourself for these moments, because living a sober life is the best thing you can do, no matter if motivation is high or low.
There are different ways to do recovery work. Read around here and find your way. Maybe this thread is helpful for you: What's YOUR plan?
Keep on going, find your plan, beat addiction, ODAAT!
Congrats on your sobriety and making it through the test yesterday and today.
however… that situation needed willpower and willpower is finite. Unfortunately it took me a while to learn that!
You mentioned needing something to look forward to after work, and you’re right… your mind and body are looking for a dopamine hit. Ignoring it won’t work. What can you do to find something new to look forward to? Find that, and you’ll have to rely on willpower less.
good luck and stick around here … it helps
I use to do the same, specially with my drug dealers. Txt them and then be like no I can’t do this but I’d always wait to see what they say, if they said yes Id get ready to go pick it up and fight with myself the whole way then I’d get the stuff and repeat the cycle over and over.. definitely finding something after work to do will be a big help, something you enjoy whether it’s playing a game. Going for a walk, painting. Idk what you like but you need to keep yourself from the old cycle. Eventually the thought will be less. It takes time but it’s all worth it.
I’m glad you made it. A dangerous situation.
Work harder on your recovery, the addict mind is a tricky beast.