Writings,creativity,poems, coping

Share writings poems and other motivational stuff or coping mechanisms! input output support and love!

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Here is one of my writings! I’m new to this! Don’t judge! just here to help others and myself! it’s called!

Freedom!?

They say I'm a free man! free from what? Not the thoughts in my head! Not the drugs that I did! or the life i flushed down the drain! and  Not the pain that I caused! Ive lost more brain cells than I've been locked behind! time lost is never gained! just a life full of pain! Its all I've left behind! I've gained not a thing but a few lessons learned but at least a lesson learned can't repeat back around and defeat u! 

Hold ur cheeks up eyes to the stars! Try not to focus on all ur scars! always locked in the back of patrol cars wondering whos gonna save you? Not wanting to be sick from the withdrawals but u were never well to begin with! Behind bars looking for answers, u never took time when u were free to chase after! Listen to that laughter! Can u hear it! that’s u the world is laughing at! cause ur to scared to heal ur brain from all the pain others caused you! Stop it u can’t blame others for ur well being! it’s only u who can start the healing! Stop the negative thinking and internal beatings your father isn’t here anymore! He’s gone forever he can’t hurt you! so why let an external force that doesn’t exist control you! ur letting him win dummy it’s what he wanted!

Your a father now look at the example ur setting! one dead others waiting! is that the man u dreamt of!? As a child when u was hurting! The promises u made to never do the same! Promises made are never meant to be broken. Now ur the cause of all ur own broken bones and broken homes how long u gonna let this go on? Mike! sorry I mean king! King of Rock bottom isn't that what u call you! Ur no king ur just a fucking inmate! Ingrate given how many chances at a second chance? Stop looking for a way out! there's no escape if ur the only one trying to hurt you! Stop acting like A Fucking loser! Ur just a user! addiction took you! But only u can forgive you! feed the kid lost inside of you! he wants out he had a future before you started this torture! 

Where’s ur sense of purpose! How far will u let this life take you? hasn’t it gone on long enough? what’s next death! Get up king it’s ur life, stop the negative thoughts heal the wounds u blame on others! Stop blaming the world and own urself again! Environmental is what u tell urself to pass blame and stay in this state of pain! Yea of course it didn’t help but environmental is only a fraction of the cost u paid to make urself this way! Stop the voice in ur head! Yea that one! He ain’t your friend! He belongs in ur past! It’s time for this to end!

Change ur perception change ur profession change the very thing u think is ur essence! U have a message inside you! Get the fuck up pack ur bags it’s ur release date man! Another day at a second chance this time leave that baggage I’m paying ur bail the cost? His carnage the hate the hurt the negative perception! stays at that fucking gate! It’s time to release ur self from this bondage! What u gonna stay ur whole life an inmate? No not this time King of Rock bottom from here the only place to go is up! Get up Off ur knees the praying is over he can only help if u show him! show him ur true pains and ask him to show u the way! he is the creator ur just the vessel! Ur jobs to carry a message and show others! Now stand up tall tip ur crown flip that frown a smile is contagious if u show it to one person the whole world might get infected!

Love always, ur friend! King of Rock Bottom

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Love it! Powerful prose. I can hear the rhythm as i read it. Thanks for sharing and welcome!

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thank you! I’ve been looking for a place to share my writings where they will be appreciated and inspiring! hope others feel the same way and start sharing too! Thank you again! :100::muscle::100:

Demons!

I got these thoughts in me when I’m all alone! the kinda thoughts i wish i could just let go of!Like demons in my head they conjure evil! They are all around me! And i always have this sinking feeling! Ideas and beliefs that will never heal me! Words that keep me feeling like less of a human being! Demons in me trying to keep me in a state of pain! never healing these wounds inside me scars they should of been but they pick at em so they never stop bleeding! Demons inside me blinding me from seeing all that I can be! Believing their voices only confines me to be the addict that wants to destroy me! Demons conjuring evil!
Their words breed self pity and weaken My neuroplasticity! Path ways in my brain to lazy for change! Not calling me stupid just uneducated! This is a disease Im speaking of! It takes alot of knowledge to conquer it! I read books and study it! Go to meetings and try to understand it! I’m learning more than I thought I had too! And I’m still confused by it! Overthinking is a problem probably influenced by these demons!
Shhh don’t let them hear this! I think I found a way to beat them! If I close my eyes real hard and listen it’s not just the demons speaking! I hear a voice Between them screaming! It’s getting clearer! He’s saying keep on going it’s working their getting weaker! The demons are starting to feel it! Changes made won’t reflect it right away it’s a process this thing called healing! But it starts by taking away their power! Stop listening to the Demons their beneath us for a reason!
Power is in the message I try and carry! the books I study the tables and meetings! It’s a gift of healing that only starts when u believe it! Faith is a thing u gotta embrace early in it! Believe it or not ur only reason for being this way is you! Your deceiving the very being that created it! Again that’s u! it’s not a simple thing to get over but once u own it! It’s on you to get control of it!
Now listen to me carefully these next words are important! Stop Fucking listening! their just voices! demons u made them from child hood tarumas! True u were a victim, but are u gonna let forces that don’t exist anymore control u! Get over it your not responsible for what knocked you down! but u are responsible for picking urself back up! Now listen again? hear that! the demons are getting quieter! I told you! It’s working! Progress not perfection! but u will never get it listening to those demons!

Love always, King of Rock BottoM

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Alter egos!

Like my favorite comic book heros. I got alter egos living inside me! Voices in my head that tell me things! they got different personalities and I invented em to save me! Sitting in my sandbox just a wee baby! The demons were all around me! Protection I needed, so I invented these egos to protect me! I got 3 that I know of! But by now there’s probably more! Meet the first his names King he’s my favorite he’s a fighter and defender he learned how to protect me the earliest! My father was a monster, and a beast he became when the sun settled and the night came! up in my room at night wondering when the beating was coming!? King would stand guard so I could get some sleep in! it was gonna be needed Just in case I had to run again! He taught me things I needed to know to be the man I came to be! Long nights pay off! Stand tall! never show fear no matter how scared! My hands still don’t shake when Im in fear! still as steel! Open hearts never lose hope! And stay strong every storm passes! Your not alone! The things my father never could of been! He protected the boy inside of me! in hopes I would change the fate handed down In my genes! Afraid of the man I could come to be! He taught me how to fight that horrible destiny! Things like Character, bravery, try and control ur anger only use it when necessary! Protect the weak stand with the brave and always have a plan A and B ! Created in my head But reality is what he came to be! I owe him my sanity! God bless you king! Love you my friend!

Second one Has no name he’s untameable! unnameable! he’s the beast inside me protecting my very core! he’s a mix between carnage and wolverine! He taught me rage and hatred and how to release it! He’s scary! Even the king fears him! He’s the rage inside me from the beatings I didn’t escape! He’s my father’s mirror image and the world’s worst Antihero! He took me years to tame but only seconds to create! he’s the blindness! the reaction from circumstances I couldn’t control! He taught me some things tho! He gave me my work ethic the unbreakable spirit inside me. My Determination, persistence and no fear of anything that can kill me! He’s not a hero but he is now my soul protector! he gave me a release of feelings I didn’t know how to control! It could of ended horribly, I agree he’s dangerous it took decades for me and king to take control! He’s a beast to say the least! Hes the reason for most my broken bones, broken homes, lost romances and distant friendships! He’s the reason i can walk on a broken leg without feeling a thing! He’s the reason I’m partially blind in my left eye! He’s the broken bottles on my skull and the beatings I took in the back of patrol cars! He’s mostly the cause of a couple felonies! Under lock and key I hope to live in peace so the need for him doesn’t exist anymore! But life has it’s way of changing anything! When I get tested I remind myself he’s not dead he’s sleeping! Calm ur anger take control of ur situation don’t open the gate Mike what if he escapes? pray he doesn’t! But he’s still in there if I ever need him!

Third ones A Man no different than most! U can call him pops! But he’s a perfect balance of all 3 of us! He’s a father a lover a teacher and a preacher he believes in everything good! stands for something greater! He wishes to be more than he was yesterday! he’s the opposite of destruction he’s Constructive positivity! He’s a soft hand a tender kiss he’s a open hand instead of a closed fist! he’s the man we all tried to be! even the beast wanted this! Hes the creation of 3 minds combined! He’s the comedic genius the writer and scholar he’s educated and adaptable! He uses mathematics to figure out his problems! he’s the reason I Have an education a writing passion I’m a poet and philosopher! He took time to teach us everything! He loves it this thing called teaching! he spent the most time with me in my in betweens! He had amazing patience when it came to the beast and even took him under his wing! Even Took time to learn things from the king! Like how to protect me!! Actually He is me! I owe him everything! I pray he stays here with me forever! I pray all 3 do! I never had anybody stay forever! Except these alter egos inside of me! Heros we are in our own rights! Pray to God we never have to fight! cause if that time comes! The 3 of us combined are an Unstoppable Might! Alter egos inside of me invented to protect a baby from the demons lurking over him when he was alone in his imagination! GOD BLESS AND GOOD NIGHT PRAY TO GOD TO LET ME REST IN PEACE THIS NIGHT! But if I can’t at least I know I have alter egos waiting to protect me!

Love always, King, beast and I

last night I had a using dream… first one this go around with sobriety… but it was way to real… I pushed the shot in and when I was done I woke up… My skin stood on end I lost my breath for a min I felt the warmth encompass my chest andy heart raced a million beats per min… I laid there another 10 or 15 before falling asleep… :pleading_face::pensive::confused::sweat:

shits hard some days… some days I don’t even notice… :pray::muscle::100: pray for strength and the ability to carry it out… today is 5 months 20days… God bless! stay safe!

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Welcome back!

It’s hard to think just a few weeks back this life was never gonna let me win this fight! My brain deteriorating my body weak from the beatings I been given! lost and wondering if I’m even gonna survive it! survival? this ain’t survival it’s Hostile it’s self deprival it’s carnage inflicted by non other! My fucking self! Immortal I once thought it?! What a fucking crock! I’m not immortal but guess what I sure the fuck ain’t dead Am I ! I’m not the enemy I just want to be free! free from a world where everyone wanted me dead! Stuck forever in my head thinking I’m not good enough! This life is rough! but so is sobriety it’s hard to fathom I gotta meet life on its own terms! Not in control of anything, but if I stayed I know I be the next to seist to be! Existence eliminated for my affiliation in a world I barely existed in! Existence that’s a word isn’t it? a meaning I barely know a thing about! Existing is nothing without the will to carry it out! I’ll step up and be the first to admit it! I’m fucking Nothing without these lessons in me! I don’t expect a thing from anyone except myself! Feel me? I said do u hear me? King! Without these lessons you would never see the light in the tunnel the pain u cause ur loved ones The hell u lived through the bruises all over your spirit! yea I said spirit! oh that’s right u was a non believer! been forsaken forgotten and left to fend for it all by urself huh? funny it wasnt you who carried urself through that fire! It wasnt you Who sat beside you that night u almost died just a few weeks ago! Who picked u up and sat u right who made sure u didn’t choke on ur own Vomit! Sure the fuck wasnt you ya coward! It was a force from above a love u couldn’t fathom! call it what u want it’s a higher power! Granted life for another fight I dare ya to waste it! see what happens next!? thought u was alone all that time but these eyes are all over you! I’m not talking bout the shadows u been dodging the voices u been hearing the Nightmares that felt real! I’m talking about Angels demons gods and devils They all around you and it’s a battle for you! they want your soul who u gonna let have it! U better panic cause hell is real and it’s inhabitance are after you! Names not to be spoke of but stop and just focus! Hear that ? it’s clearer isn’t it? that boy inside of you the one u left behind years ago? Its ur inner child in ya he wants out again u smothered him with so much damage u forgot to let him out and grow him he had a future before u tried to kill him with this carnage! But he’s still with you now open your eyes smile and welcome him in! He has a story to tell you opposite of what ur saying ! his story is of love hope and honor family and power! How he sees it u saved him ur not a demon ur a fucking hero! Stand up man shake it off! put on ur crown ur still a king after all! Now I’m warning you even tho this battle is over! I’m sorry to tell ya the war is coming! Stand ur ground use the power provided by the ones u can’t see beside you! Put on ur Armor pick up ur sword and defend him! he’s still just a child! Learn to protect him! and if u feel overwhelmed remember your never alone in this! There’s a whole book out there to help u through this!! God bless and welcome back King of Rock Bottom!

Long live the king!