This has been on my mind the last few days as I have a few head wars, I think cos I’ve been under the most pressure I’ve ever encountered (doing a degree at 42).
I have quite a bit of clean time (8months +) , the most I have ever had because I’m actually trying to recover and absolutely know I cant pick up normally.
I would like to know what it means when you’re in a Relapse before you pick up, because I am struggling (I know I am a bit) and I don’t want to pick up and I’m reaching out to learn and get some help on any experience that I can relate to so I can spot signs.
Thankyou 
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I believe a relapse starts before picking up, and picking up is the final symptom.
What does it mean? I believe it means that you begin to neglect the work of recovery. For example: stop attending meetings, detachment from sobriety network, friends, family. Isolation. Avoiding basic responsibilities. Romanticism of drink or drugs. I’m sure there’s more, those are the ones that come to mind.
Recognizing these symptoms is an important step to prevent a complete relapse.
My previous quit, I was sober for 58 days and about a week before picking up, I started slipping. I didn’t know I was slipping until it was too late. I know now, and I know what to look for.
Hope this helps!
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For me it’s small thoughts initially. Like, I’ve been sober a while, I could probably handle it now. Then I put the thought away. “I want to be normal again”. I want normal. It was just very quiet inner thoughts entertaining the idea of drinking. Gradually over time it grew into “this is stupid, I know I can moderate since I’ve been sober a while”. Then I start by “moderating “ but I’m really not. Why? Because the entire time, I am not present. I’m focusing on how much is in my glass. How much more I’m allowed to have, and then as a few times pass, I increase the drink limit glass by glass until I’m right back at it.
For me, the relapse was in those sneaky little thoughts that had incredible power that I was oblivious to.
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Bravo for going back to school!!! That is absolutely amazing 
And definitely not easy. It wouldn’t get easier if you relapsed for sure. But to answer your question (which is an excellentone btw). I looked up the definition:
(of someone suffering from a disease) suffer deterioration after a period of improvement.
So I think the key is deterioration. That’s a process. Like the wise people said above, be aware of the signs. Then proceed with your own intervention. Meetings, ts searches, literature, whatever it takes to stop the deterioration. Crossing the line means potentially going down the rabbit hole.
You are going to do great!!! We’ll be there to cheer you on!!
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Ah amazing, keep them coming! I need to finish my step 3, and haven’t done step work since before sept so may be this week I’ll set some time to do that. I’m still in regular contact with my sponsor, and she says she ‘not going anywhere’ as in she will continue to support me . Very grateful for her in my life 
. And TS. Thankyou
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You betcha! Whatever it takes. We all have different ways to pull us back. For me, I need to read literature and Zoom. Reminders of what I would go back to…ugh…no don’t want to return to the misery 
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My relapse started a couple of years before I drank.
It all started with my thinking. I got bored with my recovery routine. I started to feel like I was missing out. I quit sharing about it because nobody in my support system would co-sign my ideas that I could maybe drink like a gentleman.
I romanced it until I acted on it. I still went to meetings but I wasn’t participating like I used to. I wasn’t working with any newcomers.
I went through some difficult life on life’s terms stuff. My brain told me if this is as good as sobriety gets then maybe I don’t want it anymore.
It was hundreds of little thoughts that built upon each other until I drank.
From there it became failure isn’t an option. I will drink successfully!
I felt that I put enough thought into it that I could manage it better this time. Even the best plans can fail. I almost drank myself to death to prove I could drink responsibly this time.
I lost the fear. That played a huge part in my relapse.
My brain created a million new obstacles to keep me from recovery.
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Yep. That’s one to think about @JasonFisher , thankyou .
@Butch had some good daily readings yesterday, about remembering the despair and the misery and what it feels like before sobriety trying to stop .
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@Hazy thank you for asking this and
@HoofHearted @JasonFisher @Ravikamor @Girlinterrupted thank you so much for what you wrote. What you shared helps with the anxiety of fearing I will drink again and how to prevent it today, in a year, on five years. What @HoofHearted said sums it up for me: “I believe it means that you begin to neglect the work of recovery.”
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I had a good network around me and a sponsor, had a desire and made a effort on my sobriety ,so maybe try a meeting and they might help .can get sober and stay sober without relapse, know a load of people who have been sober for decades, lift the phone before the drink wish you well
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I hate those thoughts that pop into my head. It’s like the good and bad devil. One on each shoulder arguing. Who will win. I too think after a short time of sobriety I can handle one or two drinks.no matter how hard I try, it always ends up finishing the bottle. I just cant have one and be satisfied. I wish it would be easier to just say no.
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For me its the thinking i dont have a problem that is the reminder of the troubles addiction have on me, like another person trying to take over my life. Peer pressure from the bad half of me saying its ok things won’t be as bad this time, or youve got it licked, just one will be fine. I know better than to trust that kind of thinking because i am my own worse enemy. Allowing myself to feel like im ok i can get complacent and forget that im still recovering
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For me as many already wrote it is the thoughts or the feelings I want to numb taking the old, wide paths that I walked so long. That never worked to improve or solve things in the long term but relieved for some hours. For me it’s when I start to lose contact to myself, don’t listen to what’s going on in myself, neglect stress, neglect when I need rest, silence and then when I am on the crossroads would take the shortcut instead of writing a friend, coming here, sit still and listen or release the stress doing sports.
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@Liz22 It can truly be like the angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other! Whenever the thought of drinking alcohol hits me I like to say “Not today devil and not tomorrow either!” 
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Sounds good. I will definitely try to say no to that devil but sometimes he can be very persuasive 
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Thoughts drive emotions and emotions give birth to action.
The simplified way of saying what so many others have already expressed.
It all percolates internally before expressing externally.
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Yes it starts before you pick up. For me it starts with this little voice in my head saying come on Chris you can have 1. But it never stays at 1. The feeling that this time will be different, that this time you can control it. It might happen weeks or months before you even complete the relapse. Just remind yourself you are 8 months in and it really sucks to say you are back to day 1. Be strong
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Ive read all the precedent generous and thoughtful posts, and still I am part of the people who’d say it is better to separate systematically a relapse (using) from the “before”.
Because if that was true, then I’d be “relapsing” right now and I would have been for most than a year, because my struggle is always to think that I will end up drinking by the end of the day, and often try to plan it. For me it doesn’t make sense to put “struggle” and “romancing” and “planning” with actually drinking. (Although I understand what people means by this, like relapse as a process.)
But, clinically, having a substance use disorder is diagnosed with “active” using or early/sustained “remission/recovery”. I am in recovery as long as I am not relapsing, and I am an active drinker if I relapse/use.
Either way I have a substance abuse disorder and that is all what we are experiencing : we do not stop having the disease if we stop drinking and work our recovery, we just stop being active on our disease.
[EDIT: by “we all are” I mean the people who identify themselves with substance use disorder, not “everyone” on this forum of course.]
Thinking that we can drink but knowing we can’t and struggling inside with that paradox is the disease itself. The process of thoughts, emotions and behaviour preceding and sometime leading to a relapse is the disease. It is not the relapse, it’s the addiction. That is the trouble itself, that we fight against and recover from.
I totally agree that what scares the most is “when we stop having the fear of drinking” (very well said), but I’d be aware to call that being a relapse, because at this point there is still a chance of turning back and keeping your head above the water.
I can’t tell myself and I wouldn’t tell anyone that they are relapsing before it’s happening, because then why would I keep fighting ? Why would I keep fighting if, when I am starting to plan secretly on drinking, and I am having a second thought like “damn am I really doing this?” and then I go “well I am totally relapsing anyways right now so it’s done anyways”… I could totally see how not separate romancing, planning and struggling from an actual relapse could personally lead me to a total relapse.
But of course, slacking on recovery programs and lacking of self care and stuff can be signs that we are marching right to an actual relapse… But the fight is not over until it’s over.
Lacking and slacking on recovery does happen before a relapse. But lacking and slacking on recovery is not relapsing, yet.
There’s still room for change, always.
Anyways that’s how I see it. I Hope this could resonate with some.
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Yes, you are in relapse before you pick up. You have that mental back and forth before you pick up. You figure out what excuse you will use to rationalize picking up, before you pick up… You make a conscious decision to pick up, before you pick up.
I look at it like cheating on a partner. It never “just happens”. No, it’s a mental/emotional process. You cheat in your heart and head, before you actually engage in the act.
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