Thanks for checking in @anon84416494 It’s good to see you here, Josh. 
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@Blondie1x - Just done it for you.
@SassyRocks - Hi Liz Thankyou and nice to see you too. Yeah, not gonna lie, the last year, its not that I wanted to live an unhealthy and unbalanced life, its that I wanted to be dead. A few days of sobriety under my belt has basically made me stop and think “Okay… Get the hell over yourself and stop being such an asshole and sort your fucking life out.” I had a huge argument with my mother and step father and ended up packing up my shit and leaving. I got myself a beautiful apartment (Far too big for just me!) with a 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms - One of the bedrooms, i’ve turned into a studio and the neighbour’s don’t completely suck. Its got a beautiful view of the River Ouze outside and its quiet and peaceful. I haven’t spoken to my parents since September but to be honest, we could use a good break from eachother.
@EarnIt -Thankyou for thinking of me, its much appreciated.
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Thanks Josh 
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I understand about needing a break from family or what have you. And I also know that I had the same experience with sobriety…it helped clear up the wanting to die feelings little by little.
I should add, that family weren’t the major issue I was having, though they weren’t making it any easier by any means.
I don’t know… I’ve felt like garbage and reflected a lot for a while now. Today is the first day I’ve woken up with any modicum of acceptance and not angry or full of resentment or bitterness. I haven’t actually seen or spoken to another human being in person for 10 days now. And that’s not an uncommon thing. I actually went through all my friends on FB last night out of curiosity (i don’t have any, maybe 150) and I think 120 of them are all people I knew in Prague which is 2 and half years now - It just goes to show that for 2 and a half years, I’ve been a closed book.
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You’re welcome
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Do you miss the human connection? I am glad you woke up a little lighter. That heaviness of spirit was so debilitating for me for many many years.
I miss the connection, yes. It’s soul destroying. I’ve forgotten how to engage.
The one positive I can draw from my incredible amount of solitude and isolationist behaviour (And I really have been solitary; I’ve basically holed myself up at home for a few months - even when I would go to a bar, I’d sit alone and not talk to anyone) is my guitar playing has gone from good to near professional. I’ve been teaching online, offering/giving advice to new players, starting writing an album of my own and am also in contact with a few names in the industry; one of them is currently rated in the Top 5 greatest guitarists in the world and they’ve been of inestimable value in that area.
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Well it sounds like your guitar playing is where you are being led…not just creatively but perhaps also towards more connection. Certainly sounds like a positive force in your life.
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@Fargesia_murielae - It’d be fucking idyllic if the surrounding buildings didn’t look like Auschwitz lol
@SassyRocks - There is a local pub that is full of alternative types that doubles up as a live music venue. Sounds risky going to a pub but if its for creative purposes, its not to drink so i’m going to see if there are any bands looking for lead guitarists OR indeed, anyone who wishes to start a band and see where it goes. Last May I unexpectedly won a load of money and bought all the gear plus a new guitar (which has also been a great addition to improving my playing) so i’m ready for it!
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Hi there Josh! When I was drinking, one refrain I had was “I wish everyone would just leave me alone.”. Then they did, and I found that I still could not drink the way I wanted to and I was not enjoying it. I had to seek my higher power through a lot of contact with people, it sounds like your trip is the opposite of that. I’ve never read the Torah as such, I’m glad it has so much meaning for you.
And you’ve got some sweet views at your place!
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My refrain when drinking is “How many of these do I need to sink before I start to feel the death rattle?” I don’t need to worry about people leaving me alone, people do that anyway!
Its worth a read. I also read the testaments and the Quran but the Torah was the one I found most … I’m not sure what word i’m looking for but whatever it is, that.
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Oh, I’m around. Just a lot less frequent. Life is very busy nowadays and I don’t have a lot of time to invest in TS. I’m plugging away at sobriety. More sober than not. 3-4 relapses a year, maybe.
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I like this one a lot. It leaves very little time for criticizing!
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They’re all very good rules. The one i’m struggling most with is number 7.
@TSan I know it’s only been 3-4 days since you’ve posted, and I know you had a sh*tshow of a week last week, (and you were baking a new kind of cake for your blog!) - but I just wanted to say I miss you on the checking in thread and look forward to when life lets you resurface! Until then I hope you keep well 
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Hey mate. Thanks for missing me. Means a lot to see a stranger reaching out to me when no one else will. I’m trying to get back to work, I got a job but substances and a pathetic excuses keep me from going in need the job it’s meant to be 5 days .
Point:. Meth use about 100 week on Friday and Saturday, weed - usually every day.
.I don’t really do anything else. .
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@Lisa07 Hiya lil sis, how you doing? 
One AA zoom meeting I attended, included comments on how sarcasm is a character defect.
I. Am. Doomed.
Allegedly 
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Welcone back Cate! I saw yesterday you would be back!!
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Yay!! I’m so happy to see you back! Let the sarcasm begin. 
I’m doing well, thanks for asking. Just seeing your post made my day.
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