In my 32 years on this ball of life there is one thing I learned. As much as you want to heal, if you do so in the place you got sick, it’ll either take forever or will never happen because all the things surrounding you remind you of the pain and other negativity you experienced.
I call myself a nomad because I refuse to settle. Everytime I settled I mentally or physically broke and had to leave to heal. Like a car going to a repair shop because fixing it on the highway will ask too much of both you and the car with oncoming danger with every passing traffic.
Ironically though, I also don’t dare to rely on myself yet and look for approval with people I trust because my inner child still needs that pat on the back and a “Good job, kiddo. Proud of ya!” every once in a while to feel even the slightest bit alive.
I was an alcoholic until 82 days ago and OD’d 8 days ago as well. As soon as I was released from the hospital, 4 days later, I looked for a different place to stay. One I didn’t know yet to get that dopamime rushing. One in a neighborhood I had never heard of before. I want to explore. I want to feel alive. And this is how. Not just working 9-5 and going back home to watch tv as dinner is made. Self-reliance is the trick to survive. No one is going to do it for you. They might support you and hold your hand but you have to walk the road to recovery. Learn to trust yourself. Especially in the harder times.
Don’t get me wrong. Routine is important. Just don’t forget there’s a person, you, in that routine that needs both mental and physical nourishment. What makes you happy? What stops you from doing it? I’m pretty sure you will find the light at the end of the tunnel if not only the goal is journeyed towards but you enjoy said journey just as much. Don’t punish yourself in the process to gain what you want.
Glad you’re here Lion! TS is a great place to find support and resources to help combat addiction and walk the path of recovery!
There is definitely evidence that trying to get sober around people/places/things (triggers) you used/drank around is significantly harder than if you remove those factors! Hanging around the people you were getting high/drunk with is going to make it a lot harder to not join in. Same for the favorite/usual spot, clothes worn or even the time of day/night when using.
For me, drug addiction/alcoholism will be a lifelong struggle. Speaking from personal experience, I thought I was “cured” of my addictions after getting sober the first time. But, here I am 13 years later still grappling with addiction and the behaviors and thought processes that come with it.
I agree that no one is going to do it for you, that you need to walk the road yourself, and that you can use support along the way. But, and again I am only speaking from personal experience, I could not trust myself, especially in the harder times. Those harder times were the times I needed others to help me along my path. I walked it myself, but only thanks to the help and guidance of others. Trust in myself and self-reliance came much later for me after initially getting sober!
I hope I didn’t make you feel like I was invalidating your experience with any of my statements, I know different people walk different paths. I definitely don’t have sobriety “figured out”, I only want to support you and anyone reading this, and if providing my experience can do that then I am more than willing.
I’m grateful that you are here, I hope you stick around and maybe feel comfortable settling down here as a place to find support and resources. Don’t hesitate to reach out if you need more support
I completely agree with this. Taking someone’s hand is not shameful. Asking for help is a strength many don’t dare come close to. Sometimes a push in the right direction is needed to start walking the road you want to walk because boy can it be scary to walk alone in the dark. I, too, became sober because a friend helped me. And the same goes for the OD. If my two friends weren’t with me on time I wouldn’t be sitting here.
As much as I wish I would’ve never touched alcohol, it also gave me lots of wisdom and lessons I otherwise wouldn’t have gotten. I became homeless not too long ago but quitting alcohol gave me the opportunity too heal in a homeless shelter, which reeked of alcohol and drugs. It turned me off so badly that my cravings instantly disappeared. Though now I have my own place again the cravings have started to appear again.
It’s weird how the intensity of a substance nearby can change one’s point of view when you’d think completely being covered by the smell, etc, would kick those cravings into gear in 0.2 seconds.
The homeless shelter taught me there’s life beyond booze if you want to. The caretakers are sweet, loyal but strict guardians when the need is there for it too. They took the time for me to patch up if I passed out from narcotics (chronic pain) and they also got me to believe in myself by giving me chores that I was capable of doing. I must admit I am still scared but the homeless shelter taught me so much about myself and my will power.
Feeling very unkind and unforgiving today. Towards others but especially myself. I need to get things sorted but I keep stalling because I feel I am not worth it. I feel pretty much drained of all joy today and have been yelling at anyone was in my way. I hate myself for if
