Thank you to everyone for sharing these experiences. I see very many similar to MANY of my own. Somehow seeing others put it out there helps me remember: These are things we’ve done NOT who we are.
Here’s mine: I terrified my husband the last long weekend because all I did for 3 days when I was awake (which wasn’t much) was drink. So basically, each time I woke up, I’d drink to kill any hangover/withdrawal pain. This wasn’t the first time I had done this, but something about this particular incident really scared the hell out of him and my normally non-confrontational husband let me know, in no uncertain terms.
Let’s face it, I’m 52 and already was well aware of my alcoholism. This hellish weekend did prompt a renewed commitment to sobriety. Still, I get these thoughts, like “Who does this???” and the shame over the harm I’ve caused just feels like too much sometimes.
Just replying from message June 14. Relapsed on day 29 . Now I am celebrating 29 days sober. Hang in there…I joked with my husband I am such a better driver sober…
I found a video I took years ago of my ex and want to add a real gem to this thread:
you might be an alcoholic if your wife arrives happy to see you, realizes you are drunk & stinking at 9 a.m., you call her names and are mean with no understanding why she is upset, hurt and crying and then you ly down on the blank floor in the unfinished, unfurnished house and pretend you are asleep while she freaks out in hurt and frustration.
The main reason why it’s called ex now.
Oh yeah, I loved the boxed wine tricks. Good grief. Glad that is behind us.
If you are traveling out of state and a couple hours before arriving to your destination you check what time the liquor store closes. So you can plan accordingly.
You don’t want to eat a meal because you don’t want to lose your buzz. That leads to 48 hrs of no eating… I’m sick just thinking about it.
you don’t have alcohol in the house.
You go to visit friends and bring your ownsix pack in case they might not have any alcohol at home.
When you have enough alcohol in your system to be intoxicated, but you buy another bottle for the “just in case” I don’t have enough tonight or when I wake up.
I did this constantly. Especially for the next day. There were days where I thought I’d have enough, go through everything ,pass out and then waiting while very hungover for the store to open the next was agonizing. I’m never going through that again
@Jasty2 the passing out and waking up at the crack of dawn with withdrawals waiting for the store to open up . I’d pace back and forth and have the most unnerving feelings and lack of appetite. Those were some brutal mornings. I do not miss that feeling at all , with you on that one.
Those mornings minutes used to feel like hours, and hours felt like eternity.
Read through this thread today. Oh man talk about relatable haha.
So many similar behaviors getting repeated in many of the posts, and many of them that had happened or been part of my previous life.
Truely shows we are not alone in this
You buy 2 litres of vodka so you don’t have to walk to the local shop at 7 a.m to buy another one. Instead I can go in the afternoon when I have finished the first 2!!
If you religiously pick up your 5-7 nips (depending on the day) and a pack of butts (when you keep quitting both) and drive home.
If you get 2 DUI’s in a year, and total your car on the second one causing a complete emotional meltdown, you need to sell your house and move your family in to your dads basement and start over.
If you have to tell everyone this and they are going to be SO SURPRISED because, no way she’s changed so much….
If, after getting black-out drunk, you eat rotten chicken that’s been left out for days because you’ve been on a week-long bender and haven’t eaten in days…
(No idea how I didn’t get sick, and only realised I had done it when I eventually woke up with chicken in between my teeth 
)
If you rotate between different shops so the staff don’t realise how much you’re drinking and start to panic every time the same person serves you every day.
If, when putting the bins out, all your cans/bottles don’t fit into one bag.
If you buy a bottle of alcohol and then have to pretend to be sober enough to be served to get another because you drank it all.
If you black out/fall over from your way home from the bar, and can’t remember leaving or getting home.
You either end up sobbing or hooking up with people every time you go out.
Swilling almost empty bottles with water/soda to get the last dregs.
Truly embarrassing. I’m much happier (and safer) sober!!
I can definitely relate to feeling the need to rotate liquor stores. That was one of my biggest things that made me realize my drinking had gotten to a different level. It’s interesting…cause why would the cashier really care…definitely my own shame and self-judgement being projected outward!
You hide a Micky behind the garbage bag boxes, in the cleaning cupboard … because you know he will never look there. 
When you have to drink in order to write a check or a Christmas card because your hands shake so bad.
When you buy 3 cases of 1.75 liter vodka bottles on the same shopping trip. Each purchased at a different store because you’re so smart like that.
When you have 5 batches of beer brewing at the same time so there’ll always be some ready. When you drink said beer flat because you can’t wait for it to carbonate and frankly don’t care what it tastes like.
When you have a few drinks before you go out for a few drinks.
When you wake up at night and drink 3 or 4 shots so you can go back to “sleep”.
When you hide bottles from yourself not to keep from drinking them but to have something to find in a pinch.
If you get cut off on a cruise ship.
When you wake up in the morning and you have no idea if you brushed your kids teeth or gave them their inhaler and you cannot remember what bed time story you read them. Then you look and realize at least you got them in their pyjamas.
Makes me feel so sick and ashamed writing that down but using it as a reminder tool for me and also hopefully to help another mom out there. The mom guilt is real and you feel like you’re the only one sometimes.
that was me 100 percent and or show up at check out with 8 bottles and be like oh they are not all for me lol