At my wits end……I know my thoughts aren’t normal but I’m finding myself just wanting to end things
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Then she wins. You don’t want that. You’re frustrated because of what happened today. You want to follow through on the trial in January. Don’t let what happened today take you down. You survived four years ago snd you can survive now, whatever the verdict. Go back and read the other post especially what @HoofHearted wrote that spoke to you.
If you don’t feel “normal” and feel like you are a danger to yourself or others then call for emergency help.
You are worth a lot. You matter.
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If you’re talking about ending the trial then I can see why you might want to.
From what you wrote it sounds like you want to end your life.
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Your right. And i need to hear that. Just so frustrating x
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Please don’t give up!
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It’s so hard when i know I’m innocent but have to go to trial
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Thank you. I just don’t have faith in the British justice system x
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I had to go to trial before, to stand up against someone who attacked me. It is hard. It is scary. It is overwhelming.
But you know what? It is powerful. It is claiming your justice. And it is fighting for yourself/standing up for yourself.
They are going to claim not guilty, because they want you to drop the case/ make you think you’ll never win, testing your resolve.
Don’t let them take this from you! You’ve already healed from a stabbing, you have proven to yourself that you’re strong!
Just don’t give up
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Wow your the first person that’s given me advice I can relate to…
Everything you said makes sense.
No one else understands
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I’m sending lots of love your way. I know that you’re having a hard time and i get it. But just think how great you will feel when you’ve had your day in court to tell your story! You can do it! I believe in you
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Ive been on trial once too, @Hwest83, I was being prosecuted for something I didn’t do and it was nigh impossible to prove that I was innocent.
I know it’s a scary, stressful place to be and even more so in your situation, I couldn’t begin to imagine, but it’ll be over soon and you will be able to move on from this. One day at a time.
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I just hate dragging my parents through it and that the outcome may not go our way.
Im proud if the person I am and I did not deserve what happened but I can’t control what the jury decide.
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It’s so unnerving not knowing
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Your parents are there to support you. I don’t know them, but I am a parent, and if any of my kids had lived through what you did, I would be there every step of the way! You aren’t dragging them hun, they are your first and (hopefully) best cheerleaders 
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Thank you. This is why I opened up here.
I am the one that supports everyone- that sounds crazy I know but I need advise xx
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I carry the world on my shoulders too.
I hope you are able to find some peace, even in this situation. That it will truly be over soon, and you can fully move forward.
I also hope that you’ll let us care for you like you care for everyone else. 
Someone told me " You dont have to be a cold, hard rock anymore, you have a choice. You can be the soft, warm rock that your body intended you to be. We dont break so easily this way, we bend and fold, and it hurts much less."
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It’s 1am my time, so I’ll head to bed. I hope you are able to have a peaceful day/evening. I will check back here to see how you’re doing when I wake up.
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I appreciate your message more than you realise.
You’ve related to what I’m going through.
I’m the “strong” one but I’m really not when it comes to this x
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I’ve not been on here for a while. Won’t lie it’s been a tough few weeks. I got my doctor to sign me off from work for 2 weeks so I could get some peace before the trial in January
. The first week it’s snowed and my car broke down which cost me and lost me money.
Second week I got a chest infection 
Work didn’t pay me statutory sick pay!!!
I’ve also had signs of my mum showing early dementia which I’ve asked advised under a different title x
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I’m so sorry you’ve had such a rough time!! And it’s especially difficult when you’re the one everyone leans on. I understand. I hope you can find some way to help you mom. And that you take the time to rest up and get well. 
Are you able to go to doctors visits with your mother and ask the doctor to do an assessment for Dementia/Alzheimer’s? Maybe they can check her cognitive function now and then again in a set amount of time to see how much decline there is and how quickly.
And your car too?! I’m so sorry. It seems bad things come in piles at times doesn’t it. 
I’m sending you a big virtual hug
And I hope you are able to take a few minutes to relax soon. 