I have some at gym, but the others only text and have their own lives. I’ve pushed everyone away & I mean everyone except my Mom and sisters and one sister’s family and extended family. Believe me, on day 97 & have accomplished so much, so many things I had postponed. I need to be thankful that ALL of my drinking “friends” have disappeared all together. I guess they weren’t real friends or just don’t understand what I’m doing or going through (no alcohol & chronic pain), not working, etc. Believe me, I have ongoing projects, more and more as time goes on and even faster than before. Coming upon 100 days in a few. Just tired of being a self-made hermit/loner because I’m highly sensitive and people say things that make me upset easily. Anyway, I’ll continue with my tasks and hopefully get a permanent job soon. I’m not really ready to make new friends because I don’t like that people don’t understand my life and what I’ve been through. A lot of trauma - nor do I want to discuss it, yet I’m completely bored with small or surface level talk.
That is real conundrum. I’ve been thinking the same way. I live 4,000 miles from wife and kids, and 1,200 miles were I’m from and where my mom and immediate family are from. Most people I work with are married, or 20 yrs younger than me. So, it’s difficult to make a real friend! My life rotated around my kids and their events. I have an emptiness that I can quite put my finger on, or find a solution to.
I do volunteer a lot! Over 300hrs last yr a lone. I normally volunteer to coach youth sports, local homeless shelter and no kill animal shelters.
My mom was very religious when I was a kid. I was thinking about finding a church I can connect with and make real connections. Not to many places a single guy can hangout at and make friends.
I feel your pain, and understand it!
Yes, separation from your children sucks. Hopefully, you can see them or speak at least. Don’t even get onto that topic! I volunteer also with American Cancer Society and Red Cross. Why are you so far away from them?
Conventions (e.g. auto shows, art shows, Trekkie Cons), language classes, free courses or lectures from colleges, book readings, book clubs, athletic clubs, D&D, gun ranges, political activist groups, Bible, Qu’aran or other religion studies, meditation classes, cooking classes, support groups, and of course as mentioned above, volunteer work.
I’m a bit of a loner, myself. Sometimes lonely, but rarely. I enjoy being in the presence of others, but I prefer allotted amounts of time to be with them. That’s probably why I enjoy my Japanese cooking classes so much, other than the hilarity of watching myself fail to make simply onigiri correctly. Ever.
Comes down to making money and retirement/pension. I’ve been doing this long distance thing for 2yrs+. I try to fly and see them every 3-6 months. My kids have a great life, never a want! The distance has strained me and my wife’s relationship, to a point we’re not sure we belong together. I was offered a job 6 hrs away, waiting for all the paperwork to go through. Hopefully, I’ll be making 4,000 mi trip in the next few months.
Any case alcohol does nothing to help a situation, but add anxiety and hopelessness to a situation. I need a long break from alcohol.
Ty for all of the ideas. I have numerous ideas myself, but been too cold to go anywhere except Dr appt for last 6 months. Out of regular routine for gym, but still go. Don’t want to go to the events you mentioned solo. I enjoy my own company also, but don’t want to be single forever. I fend off men, because usually I foresee a problem then just call it off immediately. I.e. smoker, lack of cleanliness, lush (need sober person), non-exerciser, need someone with similar interests/lifestyle. Anyway, focusing on health and positive attitude and hoping that some warm weather will come soon. I have a temperature regulation problem and have extreme difficulty staying warm even indoors yet am supposed to avoid sun. Lol.
I have this exact problem right now coming up on a month! I have intense cabin fever but don’t know where to go to connect with people. I even joined some friends at the bar last night (remained sober) but left feeling worse because I was uncomfortable and awkward.
I even looked up some AA/NA meetings in my area, but on a Saturday night they don’t really exist. I am so glad spring is arriving because I can at least get outside and get more active. It is hard to open up to people when you’re getting sober, especially when drinks/going out is brought up. But I know that you’ll eventually find some like minded people who will enjoy and appreciate your company!
I’m sure they want you there! You said they never have a want! My story is too complicated, but if only I could turn back time…
@Livy: I haven’t even attempted to do that yet, even though I’ve done it before. Day 98, intense cabin fever totally agreed. Everyday am so grateful for this change though, so I appreciate what is happening and will accept this stage temporarily…
Did book a trip to Ireland to see family with Mom and sis for August, so there is some motivation to get back in shape and plan some great outfits. Been there a ton, but not in 6 years! Also, once March is over (busy week ahead), hoping to plan a trip somewhere warm because I have 43,000 miles to use on an airline, about a week at a hotel and a week rental car. It’s great to be able to plan ahead. Also, I’ve looked into numerous meet up groups, but haven’t attended.
Hi @NH2015 I know you’re not looking to make new friends because of what you’ve been through. I’m not looking for that now either, but if I was, always thought that volunteering with like-minded people would be a great low-pressure way to meet people. (@Shattered_dreams mentioned his volunteer work too) Another way is through meetup.com of similar sites. They even have specifically “sober” events on some of these.
@JohnSee, thx I am volunteering with American Cancer Society and Red Cross & have looked into other opportunities such as helping the elderly somehow. I have a ton of things going on right now, so after this week, things will calm down a tiny bit. I’m a member of several meet up groups, but haven’t attended. There’s a new one I just saw this morning that is for coffee @10AM, however, they can’t seem to find a location this late in the game. I do have my own LLC and if I can’t get a Perm/FT job shortly, I was considering building my own website to promote my consulting services. Also, have looked into affiliate marketing. Have so many ideas…That’s one of my problems, but taking a mood stabilizer makes life boring! (I’m not taking one btw).
Wow @NH2015 - well definitely sounds like you’re already on it! - with volunteering and groups. I hope you find the kind of friends you’re looking for. I know it can take long to build up that kind of trust with new people. I had a best friend, but he passed away a few years ago, and I never really got close with any friends after that. I am close with only family now.
I have long time friends who basically only text, known each other for 15-20 years. That’s the problem with cell phones. I basically stopped socializing or meeting up with people in person. (Yes, blaming cell phones even tho I know it’s not their fault)… Long story, was extremely ill, chemo etc. 2004/5. Health fitness fanatic, custody 8 years, 10 years of college. Life has passed by too fast. Blah blah it’s never too late for a fresh start. Yeah I can barely walk because of my toe so all of my daily exercise is shot to hell, been doing that regularly for 20+ years to stay calm and super fit. Just complaining because I have chronic pain and can’t do the things I want to do. Lol. Like since 9:30 been trying to sleep.
Go watch my motivational video I just posted 
️. I do zero impact workouts; cycling, swimming, elliptical. Never tried yoga, maybe I should put it on my bucket list… keep fighting!
The weird thing is is that the brand new meet up group was something about chronic pain, so I am definitely interested in that. I got sarcoidosis from the chemo I did for the cancer I got for being a health and fitness fanatic with missing genes. Don’t ask me what hurts, there is something from head to toe. Mostly joints, rigid muscles, toe, knees, RT elbow, neck, arms weak from spinal stenosis, nerve entrapment, arms go numb, etc. Need to exercise for.mental strength and to stay in shape but can hardly walk or do much because of all of these physical pains. Believe me, I’ve thought of and/or tried every single option.
Oh and I broke my washer combo dryer today.
I am limited to elliptical and bicycling now but my knees can be so bad at times, I can’t do these. I’ve done yoga and do floor exercises. Many yoga moves are tough bc arms so weak from the nerve entrapment I can’t even carry grocery bags without severe pain and doing down dog, etc absolutely kills my toe. Like I’m doing nothing and my toe kills. I went for 2nd opinion last week for toe and he gave me a fiber insert for under the orthotics I got last summer. I also got a shot that didn’t help. Like for example, my arms hurt typing this.
I’m complaining because I’m exhausted and can’t sleep and Klonopin doesn’t help. I dislike complaining.
Well 3 collapsed discs in my neck and reversal of curve in neck. Obviously I’m not giving up