I’ve been reading this forum for about two weeks now and it has been the most helpful out of everything to help me gain motivation and hope again. I relapsed again (opiates) and I’m so scared. I’m terrified to go down this road again because it is the most dark and lonely place I’ve ever been. I survived an accidental OD back in September and i never want to kill myself again, that’s how I know something’s still alive in me. .
But then just as I get up and start to fight for myself again this anxiety and fear come at me so hard and I feel just stuck, frozen where I am. I know deep down I have another go in me. I’m just tired.
I need another’s motivational words or advice on how to just pull myself out of this spot and try again. I miss being able to look in the mirror and be proud of myself. Waiting on health insurance to come through so I’m kind of on my own like many other people. I just want to shake myself awake does this make any sense? I feel like I’m just rambling bullshit.
@Williske, thanks for sharing. And welcome. You did good by reaching out here for support. I think it really helps.
You can do this @Williske. Don’t give up. Your life is so worth it. And you’ll be so glad you made this step to try again and get clean. Yes, you got this!
Hey pretty girl! Just wanted to let you know I know how hard relapses can be on you. I’m so familiar with it, it kinda sucks.
But you know what?? The harder you keep trying & the days you see sober, are what should keep you going! I’m so positive you have the stregnth. You just have to want it that bad, you have to know how to tell yourself “no” even tho you could if you wanted to, you have to set your mind to it! Give your self a goal & STICK to it.
Next thing you know, it has been a whole year & all of this is behind you. We can do this! Anything is possible if we just set our minds to it. I hope you last alot longer than your last relapse But I really can’t wait til the day you don’t ever relapse ever again. You got this!! Baby steps. Much love xoxo
@Williske Thank you for sharing. It didn’t sound like you were rambling bullshit! You can do this.Your life is worth fighting for. I know it sounds cliche but it works…take it a day or a moment at a time. You got this.
There is a reason you are here. God saved you last September because it was not your time to leave this world. There is greatness instored for you and your future. Keep fighting the good fight, don’t give up! Take that fear and anxiety and show it who is in control… YOU! You are sober, you have taken back control from the dark and you are surrounded by light. Keep reaching for the light. It will be really hard at times but girl it is so worth it. We are all here for you to help support you anyway we can!
Be proud of yourself because you came here to look for help. Your journey will be hard, but you don’t have to travel it alone. As the days go by it becomes easier, and then the days become fabulous. It doesn’t matter where you start as long as you start!!! Keep your head up! Much much love
You’re just as precious and important as every other person on the planet. Nobody’s life holds more value than yours, so you owe it to yourself to protect yourself from addiction with everything you have good luck! you’re more than capable of beating this!
One of the things I have learned @Williske by getting to day 26 is that I never gave myself a chance to get past the anxiety and “bad” feelings I felt once I put down the drink. I would get 8 or 10 days sober, then couldn’t take the “bad” feelings (or so I thought) and would pick up again.
I decided I would just feel these not so pleasant feelings and see if I could not drink - for just that one day. It was a miserable day, but I didn’t pick up. I was surprised the next day that I felt a little better than the day before. I committed to not drinking again - just for the day. The days started to pile up and I’m almost to 30 days!
It is one of the most difficult things I have ever done, but it has been SO worth it! Even if you feel bad, lonely, or full of despair, say to yourself “I’m not going to use today, just for today”. Do something special for yourself - treat yourself to ice cream, a new book, or curl up in bed and indulgently watch movies with popcorn! Stay out here on the forum if you need extra support. Read through some posts and see that their are so many of us, you are not alone!
Thank you for joining us! Stay strong and stay tuned in!
Hello @Williske. I am just like you in this case… I relapsed and I was so disappointed that I went downhill.
I want to thank you for coming here and writing this post. You are doing great.
Take everyday as it comes. I am 8 days sober today, the thought of never getting my fix can be overwhelming so I stopped saying I will never drink/use again. I say to my self I wont today…
That’s just what I needed to hear! Thank you. This is such an amazing place to go for support. This morning I read your reply again and I feel a lot better. Thank you
I think the self disappointment has been up there in the top worst parts of this but I’m going to take your advice and push through each day. Try not to overwhelm. Thank you so much for your advice and words.
No problem. Just know I truly meant every word there
& right! No one knows about my problem but this is my safe place, everybody here, help get me thru the day & this is all I need.
I want it to be yours too. hmu if anything love!
Thank you so much, this gave me the first feeling of not being so alone or crazy. I’ve never tried the treat yourself for a clean day yet but that sounds like the perfect small detail I can put in my day that may make a huge difference.
I know this may be kind of a long thing to vent about but I want you to know that you and everyone else here are making such a difference in at least one person’s life and I hope I can do the same when I’m stronger:
Before a year ago (today) I had been clean for two years. I got back in school when i decided to get sober and made dean’s list for an engineering major every semester. I had a full time job and was getting so much closer and involved with my family again. Then one day i was working under my sisters car and jack gave way and the car fell on my head. I survived it by the grace of god but when i was in the emergency room they went to give me pain meds and i told the nurse about my problem and asked for non narcotics. She said there was nothing else that would help. It was the first time I had cried since the ordeal started when she was pumping that poison back in me because I knew then what was going to happen. My mom was sitting there crying for the same damn reason because I drug her through hell the first time. Since then I’ve hated myself so bad because all of that work went down the drain. I’ve struggled trying to relearn my schooling and finally gave up because I felt so defeated. That’s why what you said and the advice you gave me meant so much. I have to stop and just start forgiving myself so I can move forward and live sober. Thank you so much to you and everyone else here for caring about a total stranger enough to throw these kind words my way. I’m so happy I broke out of my shell enough to reach out because this is the hope and push I needed.
@Williske Do you know what jumped out at me in your reply? [quote=“Williske, post:17, topic:11640”]
I got back in school when i decided to get sober and made dean’s list for an engineering major every semester.
[/quote]
What an amazing accomplishment! That is truly something to be proud of. There are not many women in the Engineering field, or any science/math field for that matter, and you were on the Dean’s list! When you think back on that, try not to think of it ending badly, try to be proud of how well you did. With that said, sometimes the hardest thing to do in sobriety is to leave our past selves behind. That was the you of yesterday, and while it is admirable and you should feel proud of that accomplishment, that is not the you of today. As addicts, we need to come to terms with who we are now and play the hand that has been dealt to us.
Another part of your reply that jumped out at me:
You did the right thing and you should also be proud of that fact. We cannot always control the things that happen to us but we can learn to deal with them and move forward. We need to pick ourselves up and move forward. That’s how we achieve sobriety and some serenity. It’s easy to say this, but not as easy to live it: try to look forward. Be thankful for your sober day today and look forward to one tomorrow. Your worst day sober will be far better than your best day using. You just have to give yourself the time and kindness to get there.
I am so glad we connected today. Know that you are not alone in this struggle. There will always be someone out here with the same store (or very similar) who can help you through the rough spots. I am humbled that today I was a tiny bit helpful for you because I owe my sobriety to my Higher Power, every person on this site (including you!!) and my AA group. Stay strong and stay connected
I’m so glad we got to connect too! Thank you again, I can’t wait to continue reading on this forum and seeing other people’s journey through this and see who my new self is. It was about time I got back to living. I will stay connected on here
Hi @Williske, not much to add but just wanted to say I’ve been listening to the chat and all of the support you have attracted. Sounds like you have turned a corner and I can detect true resolve in your words. Go for it, be determined, we get what we think about the most, so be sure you focus on abstinence! Welcome aboard.
As long as you can stay true to yourself and remember you can only take care of the day that’s right in front of you but now you can make this be strong be patient your pain will go away life will be clear reality will show itself
But I really can’t wait til the day you don’t ever relapse ever again. You got this!! Baby steps. Much love xoxo
good luck! you’re more than capable of beating this! 
