Hello, this is my first post. I’m doing everything I can to get back to sobriety. I had 10 years of wonderful sobriety (I did it without AA although I had been in the rooms for around a year at the begining) In Dec 21, my neighbour built a brewery in his garage, he innocently asked if I would try a bit to tell him what I thought. I agreed what harm could a sip do? I reasoned.
Turns out, I was OK, I tried the ale, it was horrible (I didn’t tell him that) but that tiny sip convinced the devil in me that had been biding it’s time for 10 years that I now knew how to drink like a normal person.
I was so pleased with myself, I began accepting small tokens of drink at social gatherings, always keeping a handle on it, or so I thought. This morning however I woke up with a feeling that I couldn’t quite recognise at first, it was a hangover!!! Boy do I feel ill? I can’t beleive how poisoned I feel, I got drunk, the game is up, I can’t fool myself any more, I can’t drink like a normal person because I’m an alcholic.
Now I’m facing the reality that I have to start again but I’m embassed to go back to a meeting because I’m so ashamed, please can I get some advice on how to return to AA? People won’t judge me will they?
Don’t be embarrassed Elizabeth.
We never overcome addictions and stories like yours are not judged upon, instead they are cherished because they are such a powerful reminder how nasty and strong that inner voice of addiction wil always remain.
Welcome to the forums and just go back to meetings, your story matters and there’s nothing to be ashamed of !
After almost 4 years sober I had relapsed and quiet recently too. The first thing I did was pick up the phone and reach out to those who had given me their numbers in AA before. I had to be completely honest and do what it took to get sober again. I did a week of online meetings and got a sponsor. They then took me to face to face meetings and I knew I had to own my shit. I ended up picking up in the midst of my dad dying and I know this is not the way I want to go.
I had 5 years and relapsed. My “fall” was also slow and sneaky in that it took time to show its true colors. I handled it at first but eventually I was back in that dark place, hungover and ashamed. Fortunately, people in the program (and sober people in general) totally understand and are 100% accepting. Everyone just wants to help. And you are helping others, including me, by just acknowledging your journey.
I can also relate to going to meetings and doing a program for the first year or so and then staying sober by myself for the next 4 years. In hindsight, I realize that while I was clean for 5 years, my growth in sobriety slowed after I stopped being part of the community. My addictions want me isolated and to try to handle everything alone. I now see that it’s ok to need support. And it’s ok to stay plugged in. Plus, I need to help others to get out of my own head.
Again, welcome back. Congrats on achieving 10 years. Those years aren’t lost…. We just have to humble ourselves, take a few steps back, and strengthen our foundation.
I’ve been in your shoes after 5 years. I don’t go to meetings but I can say people are going to judge you no matter what. In AA and out in the world…. Whether you’re sober or not. That’s on them, not you!
You can’t control what other people think about you, but you CAN control how you feel about you. Good luck!
Thank you for your stories. I have a question. I have seven weeks today. The one thing I am noticing as I don’t find pleasure in some of the simple things in life like the morning cuppa coffee is not hitting the same. I’ve been reading a lot about dopamine and my addictive mind and for so many years I was experiencing mass pleasure and mass crash do those levels of pleasure come back over time?
Thank you for sharing your story, it really helps. I have contacted one of my old friends from AA just now and we are going to talk tonight.
I just have to be humble like you say. I know now how much I need AA and the stretgh of the people within it. Thank you.
Hello Bobbyw
I’m not the best person to answer this as I’m still fairly new but I just wanted to acknowledge your question and hope that you will one day enjoy the simple things in life, it’s early days, hang in there.
Thank you so much for sharing. I’m less than a year in and I’m thrilled to be sober. One of my greatest fears is becoming complacent. Your story helps me with that and for that I am grateful.
If you can do 10 years, then I know you can do more. Please know that we are all here for you and I’m sending best vibes to you. Take excellent care of yourself.
Hey there. I’ve been sober for about 4.5
Years after a lengthy bit of time using various “party drugs” and a lot of alcohol. My body and brain chemistry definitely took a while to right themselves, and my sobriety journey has brought up a LOT of tendencies that I was numbing with alcohol and drugs (particularly anxiety). Sobriety though, has allowed me to be clear enough to see what was going on, and strong enough to DO something about it. I am able to ENJOY every day life in a way that I honestly didn’t know was possible without the extreme highs and lows of addiction. Glad to be sober today
Great to meet you, congrats on your year. Awesome.
I was always scared of a relapse, I’d have nightmares about them in my early recovery. Now that it’s happened, I’m weirdly grateful because I now know I have to be completely honest with myself and realise I can’t do this on my own.
One thing I can say is that there wasn’t one bit of the relapse that was in anyway enjoyable. When I was just about managing to drink small amounts I was playing Russian roulette and when I got drunk last night, I lost. I embarrassed my self by shouting swear words in my respectable street late at night, waking the neighbours and I feel so sick today, I’m incapable of doing the thesis I’m supposed to be writting.
I poisoned myself last night and it all started with a sip, I didn’t set out to get drunk, but the drink set out to get me.
Russian roulette is a good metaphor. One of my biggest joys in sobriety is freeing up the mind and energy from all the drama of trying to manage my use. Years of trying moderation just resulted in more use and more anxiety and more irritation at my inability to manage.
Today is a new day and you have so much to look forward to. It’s a beautiful Sunday where I am. I hope you can get some fresh air and good food and lots of rehydration today. You’ve got this.
. Just walk into a meeting. I am sure your experience will be invaluable for others.
