Thanks for sharing your story! I appreciate you and all your posts. You remind me a lot of myself! Congrats on 11 months:boom:
. Keep up the awesomeness my dear! I’m about a week behind ya!!
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Thank you for sharing!!! I related to your story. I am wondering and I hope you don’t mind me inquiring but did your doctor mention PTSD because they thought you could aquire that from outing yourself in those dangerous situations? Even though you may have been blacked out? I am wondering because I worked as an adult entertainer for a couple years and I out myself in harm’s way so many times, but I was blacked out for most of them. Wondering if it’s possible any trauma I have endured is still effecting me even though I don’t remember many of the occurances.
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My PTSD appears to be related to domestic violence that I experienced in my marriage to a fellow alcoholic in my early 20s. At the time, I was in total denial about my own drinking because although I drank right alongside him, I wasn’t a violent drunk. After that, I basically shut down emotionally for the following 15 years, until it all came barrelling out when the news media last year was focused alcohol fueled violence against women. That constant stream of information (and I was a new junky at the time) seemed to trigger something in me and emotionally collapsed.
I obsessed about all the criticism that were laid at the women coming forward - “you can’t remember xyz details”, “you were drunk, too”, “you must be mistaken”, it mustn’t be as bad as you remember". I connected all this to my own experience of alcohol fueled domestic violence, much of which I remember specific scenes of (like in snapshot form), but couldn’t put a coherent narrative together with timings.
I think it is definitely possible for trauma during alcohol/drug blackouts or other trauma that our mind blocks out memories of to continue to affect people. The book “The Body Keeps the Score” is very good about PTSD and trauma and how the brain and the body work to try to understand it or block it out.
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What a great way of putting it. So glad you are getting closer to meeting yourself where you’re at and that you’re sharing it with us, even the hard stuff. I love what you have to say and have learned a lot from you 
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I am currently coming up on 1 year as of 12/30/2019 it has been a long fought battle because before I fell off the wagon I had 5 years clean and sober and in my 11th month of being sober I am finding it easier to cope and better understand my recocery better then I did before, I am thankful today for the resources I have to make better choices and I have been going to church to establish a stronger bond with my higher power.
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Amazing! Thanks for sharing! I’m still plugging away at 14.5 months and just been through my second sober Christmas. Life is so so much better and having fought through the hard times and still hard days makes it all that much sweeter.
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Loved reading your story. Today was the first time I saw it. So glad I got to read that. Congratulations on your 14.5 months.
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