Just to clarify that doesn’t mean I go around looking for hook up but when I. Acting out can become flirtatious. As I beleive it’s defenitely parts to play for both persons
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I’m just coming out of what u have just explained. For me now it’s about liking and loving myself enough to not to be let myself be treated or give myself away as an object to objectify myself new lesson learnt.
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Oddly though deep down many many many men are ridiculous in the recovery world. I’m vulnerable and alway have been. Letting down your guard is hard but it just happens when you are ready to change : l
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A home group will prevent any 13th steppers from approaching you. The ladies in the group will protect you.
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The AA group I go to when a new person comes in if it’s a woman she gets a booklet with only the groups women’s numbers if she needs to reach out and if a man he only gets the men from the groups numbers not all AA groups are shady but apparently from what I’m reading some are you just have to find one you feel safe in
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I thought 13th stepping was aggressively going after people with the AA program. Guess I got that wrong! I accused a woman of 13th stepping me once and she must have thought, like, whaaat?? Early on, I left a couple of meetings early and she chased after me.
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Sorry, this made me lol. 
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Fixed that for you. 
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Thank you for recommending that film 
I watched the documentary 13th step last night. Primarily the focus is on the safety of AA meetings and covers that very well. I’d say it is a groundbreaking doc, I’ve never seen this covered before.
I appreciated that the film also discusses some of the inherent problems with the 12 step programme itself and why it is not successful long term in the majority of cases (5-10% success rate is mentioned in the doc).
So if AA is working for you I wouldn’t recommend this doc unless you’re just curious. But if you have any doubts at all about AA and 12 step programmes, it’s a very useful watch
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Alright I have to ask my friend, ( keep in mind I respect and enjoy your view points in all the posts we have interacted on) but if people are having doubts about AA won’t watching this documentary really turn them off and not get them in the door? I have not watched the documentary I’m just going based off of how you were describing it talked about the 5-10% long term success rate and inherent problems. The documentary Didn’t seem too positive. I never gave AA my 100% and was in and out a couple times in a couple years period. Once I fully surrendered and gave my all to the program. I have seen huge improvements. That’s just my case. I would just hate to see someone go from skepticism and doubt about the program, to watching the documentary, to never walking in the door. It helped me and I know it won’t help everyone but when the goal is sobriety at all costs you got to throw enough $@& at the wall and see if it sticks! I appreciate your take and I will check out the documentary to see what it’s about. I have heard of 13th stepping, just been lucky enough to never see it occur at the meetings I have attended. 
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Yes, it is important to stay focused on God as we understand Him, meetings, sponsor calling and working the steps. Early on it is easy to make a person our God. Also relationships have rollercoasters and early on in sobriety it is a rollercoaster anyway and we are very fragile. I got into a relationship when I was under a year sober with a guy that had 4 years. I speak also from experience. I stayed sober, let go of the person and listened to the women who were very much right on this subject. Through years of sobriety now have watched lots of people go back out in that way.
I watched women who took time alone and worked their program and listened to what they got out of it. I could feel their strength in sobriety and their closeness to relying on a Higher Power/ God. I wanted that. So eventually I followed the path and am happy to say I stayed sober.
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Sure, no worries! It’s ok to disagree!
I think knowledge is power. The more information you can gather, the more of an educated decision you can make. Most people have only ever heard of AA, and don’t realise there are many more resources available that may suit them better. Particularly if you are not into the idea of a Higher Power. The documentary highlights the other methods available. AA is close to a lot of peoples hearts and has helped a great many. But a lot of people go there and it doesn’t fit them or work for them, and they think they are doomed to failure. So it is good to hear another perspective and to learn about the negatives as well as the positives and other options. There’s plenty of info out there about the positives about AA but not many about its flaws. When I went to AA for example, I did not know there were other programmes available at that time.
So I wouldn’t say nobody should try AA, but if you go there and think it’s not right for you then no probs, there’s plenty of other programmes
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I totally agree. AA worked for me and countless others I know. I had to work it. We can only share our experience strength and hope. Don’t leave before the miracle happens is one of my favorite sayings.
Long term, I have attended meetings where the count down had people 50 some years sober. (Akron Ohio founders day) and also at local meetings we had a man Don who had 52 years sober, a few people into 40 some years etc. these people and myself still attend meetings on a regular basis and do have church etc. in our lives. Only my experience. Not sure of the other avenues to sobriety.
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I have only been sober for 25+ years. What I have had the experience in seeing is many people (including myself in 1996) early on do not want to surrender and listen to a sponsor and do what is necessary to let it work for them. Once I buckled down and gave myself to God and did what my sponsor said instead of picking and choosing by the Grace of God I have been sober, 01/06/1997.
The people making the documentary may not be sober nor that it represents the whole of AA. If you are fairly new and making these choices you may be like I was when I was new and looked for reasons not to fit and did not want to do the tear jerking hard work with a sponsor and let it work for you. Don’t know as I am not you. I suggest Joe and Charlie tapes, fun, funny, guys reading the big book and so forth. Keeping it simple and hearing how it worked for the first two members after the Oxford group. Bill W. and Bob S. “Principals before personalities” we don’t have to fit in to all meetings and with all people nor their opinions. I had to relate to the basics. Good luck on your search for a program that works for you.
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Amen to that!
I agree with you! Knowledge does help! I just know I didn’t give it a chance and if I knew of the documentary I probably wouldn’t have went back to meetings. It’s one option but not the only option! It just has really helped me and I didn’t want that new person to throw it away before trying it or not sticking around long enough to wait for the miracle to happen👍🏼
I, like you, didn’t know there was another option besides AA. I’m glad I stuck with it and it’s working for me. It seems to be the most known about recovery option, but also seems to be the most dismissed? I probably have a skewed viewpoint though.
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I fully get where you’re coming from, and I would hope that anyone gives all different avenues a shot, including AA. By the same token, I would hope that info from a different perspective on AA would give those who have tried and “failed” at AA an understanding of why it may not have worked for them and that they are not doomed to a life of alcoholism just because one approach didn’t work.
Because otherwise you get told that you simply didn’t work hard enough, you didn’t want it enough, you didn’t give yourself over to God etc. Couldn’t it be that the programme is not for everyone?
Anyway I do like to discuss these things so thanks for sharing your side of it and I’m really glad it’s helped you, and anyone else who’s life it has saved 
. No doubt it has saved countless lives over the years.
I’m going to bow out of this discussion now because sometimes these topics end up upsetting others and descending into arguments but it was nice to discuss with you, thank you 
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Your welcome! You helped me a lot too! I enjoyed the discussion and hearing your take! I appreciate you.
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