Today marks 21 days sober. I should be thrilled, excited, motivated etc; however that’s simply not the case. I’m grieving. I’ve never grieved over someone close to me. Alcohol is the first thing in my life that’s made me feel like I’ve lost someone in my life. It’s been my best friend, my confidant, my ride or die. All of the things. I feel like I’m going through a divorce that ended in death. Im not happy at all about my sobriety, whatsoever. I want to drink. I yearn for the lifestyle & joy it brought. Yet I know it’s not healthy for myself & others around me. I feel like I’m choosing sobriety for others & not for me. That’s not right, this isn’t fair. Everyone else is gaining great things out of my sobriety. Yet, im catching hell. I don’t want this for myself. I’m having a rough time & I’d like to think this is “just a moment”. But is it? I know I need to be sober for my daughter. I need real support & a community around me. It’s been challenging finding one as a single parent with a 2 year old. I’m in therapy weekly. I work everyday. I’m doing everything for everybody & nothing for me. I want to feel love, understood, compassion & companionship. I’ve been talking with God daily. But all I’m feeling is void, empty, lost, sad & angry!!! Is this normal? Is it just me? I lost my best friend and I feel like I can no longer function. There’s my rant. This is what 21 days feel like.
Up and down emotions can be common in early sobriety yes. And yes it’s not like we wake up sober and live happily ever after. We must now face life without alcohol as a coping mechanism and our social scene changes. If these feelings persist longer it could be tied to your mental health that you are already addressing.
Sobriety is the right answer for you. Carry on as you have been.
Welcome Angela!! You are doing the right thing for yourself. Stay active on this site for a few days, read others stories. It is quite “normal” to feel so sad and lost without alcohol. There is a reason rehabs tend to last 4 weeks. The first month without a drink is scary and awful. Things will get better ODAAT
I’m sorry about that Ang. I know it sucks. I’ve been there. If it helps, you’re still in the relatively early stages. You do gain strength and confidence and health as the months stack up, if you take the time to connect with people who can coach you.
For me I started with outpatient rehab and therapy, then I joined Talking Sober, then I joined a twelve-step group. All those helped me in different ways. What they all had in common is they helped me build a community of people who understood me and could empathize, and could coach me on the next positive step to take. I have people from all those places I am still in contact with today, and the twelve-step group is an ongoing program that helps me maintain my sobriety and flourish as a person. It’s been a transformation for me, helping me connect and foster friendships around healthy things (instead of how I used to foster friendships, which was not healthy).
None of the steps are easy but they are simple and the effects are positive.
Stay connected and keep reaching out. Read some books and listen to some podcasts about sobriety - Resources for our recovery - and join a group (same link for the list of groups).
I know it sucks. Do it anyway. 
It gets better.
Everyone’s experience is different. But I do understand where you are coming from. Boozing was my god, and my favorite thing to do. Drinking was slowly destroying me and I was fine with that. It took me a while, lots of hospital visits and legal troubles to realize that it be better to stop altogether, but if I am being honest, of course I still want to drink but I just am positive that I cannot. Going to AA helped initially, but even more important is being honest with myself, the reality is for me, I may never find a joy in anything the way I found happiness in being drunk, but maybe I will. For me it helped to find other alcoholics I could be honest with, and take it from there. I never try to glorify my drinking days, but it is what it is. Your post helped me, maybe your point of view can help someone else, I hope I won’t ever drink again, So I take whatever steps I need to take to do that. If it means sounding off on how much I enjoyed drinking, then fine. As long as I am not dong it in a way that leads me to drink, or entices others who I know that struggle.