Not knowing is part of life. The quantity of stuff you do not know is always way bigger than what you do know. All to say - you saying you don’t know if you can do it, says more about your self-concept than it does about your ability to actually do it.
You’re making excuses why you can’t or don’t want to do it. It sounds like you’re just giving up.
Anything worth doing takes effort & you always start out not knowing if you can do it. That’s fundamental to life. Why are you giving up here?
Or if you do choose to leave, leave with a purpose. Not because “oh I think it would be inconvenient for others because I made their lives harder”. You’re not in charge of their lives; imagining you’re responsible for others is another way of escaping taking responsibility for yourself (we’ve all been there; it’s the “addict brain” trying to trick you). You can’t let shame rule you; that’s a sure path back to addiction.
You have two options it seems to me:
commit to your health at work, and use that commitment as one tool to hold yourself accountable, or
leave work & its stresses, deliberately, as a tactic for a sobriety program you’re working
Either can work. It’s the commitment that will make the difference. Frankly, I don’t hear from you yet something that says you have to leave your work. A kick in the ass - as you’d be giving yourself by committing to monitored sobriety - might be exactly what you need.
I dont know if your religious but I just pray and things usually work out as long as you change your behavior i would always stay sober a while after making a bad fuck up
Thank you, that’s a lot for me to think about.
I’ve never been good with confronting my feelings, im pretty sure thats why I drank in the first place. I’ll look through the policies when I get a chance. You’re right, im very much giving up right now, and I know I need to stop. I’ve already decided that whichever way it goes im going to move up from this.
I think I probably need to make a pros and cons list lol.
Yep that is 100% the addict brain. He’s a sneaky fcker. He’ll say ‘oh just one time’ or ‘yeah but we can just ignore this’. ‘Give up, you’re just gonna fck up anyway.’
Kick that guy to the curb. He’s lying to you and holding you back.
You need to dig deep and say dammit I am doing this. And then you need to reach out and follow advice even when you don’t understand it or even if you think you can’t do it or it scares you. Tens of thousands of people before you have found sobriety by working these programs. You can too. Dig deep and say I’m not drinking today, instead I’m going to this meeting. If you’re spinning out at work and things feel nutty, you call a sponsor. You reach out. You stop your work and say you need time for your health and you’ll be back. (I had a few hard weeks where I attended SMART meetings on my lunch break. I was a bit late getting back to work after lunch but I stayed a bit later to make up, and my boss could see whatever I was doing was important. And I made it through those weeks sober.)
The simple rule is this: you’re allowed to do anything safe and legal to maintain your sobriety. There are no limits other than those.
Check back in here when you find out what those policies are. Reach out to your HR rep. Be humble and stay committed.
Well, as it turns out they do have policies if you reach out but there are stronger policies about drug and alcohol abuse on the job.
Since I showed up drunk and admitted it, in front of my peers, my boss and my bosses boss, it was pretty much a zero tolerance thing. I really screwed this one up. It hurts a lot, but I’m still in contact with my friends there, and I have plans to rebuild fresh and never let this happen again.
It’s good that you have plans to rebuild and never let this happen again… your already on your way…don’t beat yourself up over the past, it happened already and you can’t make any edits… pick your head up and keep moving forward !!! Wishing you the best !!!
There’s this quote that I really like that goes “yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift, which is why it’s called the present”. Don’t beat yourself up over what happened, you’re only human.
The first few days are hard for sure. Im sure you can do it! Message me if you ever need to, us newly sober people should stick together.
Thanks for the support
being human sucks its like to be completely sober must be divine to not need anything. Especially when doctors are prescribing 7 different types of medications that they deem normal
The first week was the hardest. The best thing to do is to set goals each day. You’re doing this for yourself! You saw there was a problem and most addicts don’t see a problem. You’re doing great
The acceptance has been the hardest part for me, I understand how you feel.
There’s been a lot of “why am I the way that I am?” And moping around trying to figure out where it went wrong.
One of the things I’ve taken away the most from everyone I’ve talked to through this is that what happened has happened and we can’t change that.
All we can do is move forward, one day at a time.
Good luck, friend.
