I’m three months clean today. I’ve hit this milestone a billion times it feels like since I self harmed for the first time almost 4 years ago. I feel kind of proud, but also indifferent because it’s happened so many times before. That doesn’t mean I won’t actively keep from going back, I don’t want to be engulfed in darkness again like I was, that was absolute hell. It just feels weird. And I feel like I’m behind anyone else in my position, even though that shouldn’t really matter because there’s no reason to compare myself to others. But I still can’t help it.
I’m primarily the reason I’m still in recovery from self harm. As well as my family. I don’t want to leave my squishy (my niece) behind by accidentally cutting too deep and passing away. Same goes for my siblings. I also wanna get better just because. There’s a lot more to life than completely destroying my body to beyond repair on some parts of it that have permanent scarring. I’m slowly accepting my scars as they are, I still feel ugly at times and damaged, but one day at a time.
Congratulations on your 3 months. That is awesome. So happy for you. I don’t personally have this issue but there are people around here that can support you. While at the same time you will be supporting them. Your are certainly not damaged. And you worthy of happiness like the rest of us no matter what our addiction or history is. We cannot change the past. But we can better ourselves right now. This moment.
It also sounds like you have a lot to be grateful for when you’re clean. My DOC is alcohol. And my biggest tool is my gratitude list. Every day. Sometimes twice a day. I got so much to be grateful for when I’m sober. My children. My wife. My health. Waking up without hangovers.
Keep checking in you’re so worth it.
A gratitude journal would be very helpful, I’ll try it out ^^. Also thank you for the kind words and keep up your sobriety!
We got a little gratitude club over here.
We’re always looking for new members. 
Have a read around if you’re willing. Lots a great people on it. Join in or just read. I hear a lot of people are happy just reading it.
Thank you
90 days is badass. Hugs & a well deserved chip to boot!
3 month is AMAZING
You can be proud of yourself