In a few hours I will have 45 days, my half way to 90. Sober from alcohol. I was pretty excited to get to this milestone but now I’m just feeling very different from what I expected to on day 30.
I had a dream last night that I forgot I wasn’t drinking and had one with a group of people. Once I realized, I was so upset and crying and I feel emotionally drained from it now. I’m relieved I didn’t actually drink but the dream made me think about how my pressure to drink came from my desire to fit in with people I’m not super close with. And maybe that’s how I felt in real life previously. I always wanted to entertain and please others around me, that meant drinking enough to be (what seemed to be) funny and keep things interesting.
I have also been feeling so emotional and extremely unmotivated lately and I don’t know how to shake it. Is this normal when switching your life up so drastically, even at this point? I haven’t been being social at all lately compared to weeks before so idk if that could have something to do with how I’m feeling? I just feel like everything is falling down around me and I just can’t seem to be happy or see the point in doing anything anymore. I just want to run away and start over - away from anyone who knew me when I was binge drinking. I don’t want to be around people who are waiting for me to screw up or actually turn my life around, I want people to meet me for who I really am and love me. The people I’m surrounded by now seem to have the version of who I was before stuck in their heads and can’t let it go. I just want to be accepted for who I really am, without the doubt and reminders of who I was.
I’m far too early in my own journey to speak with authority on this. However, I’d say maybe it’s just life? Like, you’re used to masking emotions with alcohol. You’re just down this week, and surely sobriety is affecting that as well, but maybe you just need to get up and get out? Read something? Don’t focus too much on the negative, just let it melt away and do something you enjoy. It’s my two cents, although I dare say it isn’t worth the two pennies haha.
Anyway, seriously. Good luck. And stay strong. You’re great and doing great.
Hey @Morg3! I can relate. I am at 49 days today, made it through 4 days of Vegas without a drink and I just feel… meh. I am still very tired and last night had some weird “visions” I’ll call them before falling fully asleep. People I knew were turning into demonic faces, it was quite strange and disturbing.
In any event, I think this too shall pass. I am not sure how long you imbibed or what you DOC was, but for me it was 20 years of pretty consistent and oftentimes very heavy drinking. Our bodies have to adjust and it takes a lot longer than 45 days to reverse the damage of 20 years. It can take several months or even years. For the time being just do what you can. Read, rest, take a walk in nature, anything to keep your mind from being idle. You are likely feeling emotional because you’ve never really “felt” your emotions. It’s hard to adjust! I had a 6 month bout of sobriety a couple years ago and about 4-5 months in I was crying my eyes out every day for no apparent reason!
It’s an adjustment period, and it WILL get better. One thing to keep in mind is that it’s worth it, over everything else sobriety should take priority. Using again will NOT help these feelings, but only stuff them back down and mask them until they surface the next go round.
Be patient, feel this like you’re meant to, and move on. You got this!! We are on it together.
I think you’re right, I’ve just been focusing on everything negative I’ve been feeling lately and completely ignoring/avoiding the things that make me feel happy and alive. I did some meditation the other day, took a long bath, and took a nap, that seemed to clear my head a bit. I think I’ll head back to the gym today to get my body moving again and hopefully I’ll start to feel more like myself. I appreciate your insight, good luck to you and your journey, it definitely is worth it to stay sober!
I struggle with alcohol…used to be a consistent heavy drinker a few years back then more recently was more of a binge drinker only on the weekends. I couldn’t control my intake or my aggressive outbursts anymore. Patience is definitely something I have a very hard time with.
I think I have been letting myself sit and think for too long since I’ve been sick for a little over a week now and I just need to get out and busy myself more often in order to not dwell on the rush of emotions I’ve been experiencing lately.
Thanks for your response…I’m glad I decided to post!