So Saturday I got my 4th DUI . Im 46 at rock bottom . I feel like shit . I haven’t slept since . Mass depression,hating life,hate life just hate and in a very bad place . I feel like I’m going crazy. I have racing thoughts feel like shit and no motivation at all. Im so dumb. I Broke up with my girlfriend 3 weeks or so ago it is probably why I went out Saturday. I haven’t worked since march, moved back home with family. Last week I checked into detox for suboxone got out Wednesday . Im on a mission of self destruction. So ya thats where I’m starting out
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That sucks. So sorry to hear that. I have only made it to my 3rd.
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That’s usually where God finds us. Not up in the clouds. Now is probably a great time to stop. Pray my friend. Give it up to God. You are powerless over alcohol.
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thanks im not really in to the whole God and prayer thing . A bunch of nuns ruined that for me in elementary school. Also if there’s a God he has his foot on my head trying to dround me.
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Thanks I am no where near as positive as you… i hope I get there. One day at a time …
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Start with family. Is your family still behind you and given support? If deep down inside you know your family still behind you, then it will be alright. So don’t turn on your family because you are angry，have a short talk or just straight apology to them.
Regarding about your girlfriend. Don’t rely any sympathy from her or angry if she want to be far and be alone. Get your self back up, family first and later maybe girlfriend will come back and even if not, you learned the lesson.
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Ya, neither was I.
Recovering catholic here.
What da ya got to loose?
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Vincent, sounds like you’re in a good place to start to turn your life around. No need to go down the rabbit hole any deeper. Incomprehensible demoralization.
A personal relationship with my higher power did me wonders. Just between me and God. I also crawled into the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous and surrendered my will, after some time I embrace the 12-step program that they offered and picked a sponsor. Due to the miracles of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous and my higher power I have been clean and sober now 1069 days consecutively. Maybe this could work for you too, just a thought.
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Hang around, there lots of people to talk with here. Maybe just take it easy for a little while and settle down?
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Or, where we finally look for God.
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I’d advise to get yaself back into detox or a 12 step program before you kill yaself or someone else ,I buried my 3 year old neice BC her mother thought it was ok to get behind the wheel drunk.no judgement just a reality check.i know where your at I came out of detox after coming off methadone and did what you are did cross addiction with alcohol that will lead you to a few places the prison,the mental unit .or 6ft under .I urge you to get back to detox or a 12 step program there all there waiting for you you just need to put one foot in front the other. for your own safety and others.I’m send you courage and strength
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I like what Russel S., a 71 year old AA with 40 years sobriety says, “you can’t get out of prison until you realize you are in prison.”
And what echoes in my mind and is very helpful to me comes from 2 Peter 2:19 (ESV): “For whatever overcomes a person, to that he is enslaved.”
Be an overcomer not a slave. I pray you are really at your bottom and will find Jesus who will save you.
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Hi, Im on day 3 right now and your posts on this thread really create a positive vibe for me! I am meditating and journaling daily, exercising and am aware of my senses and my thoughts. Your mentality feels similar to mine and I am certain that with consistency in healthy routines (including an aware and positive view on life) reaching our goals is possible no matter what starting point and conditions. Congrats on 77 days
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Wow! This is one of the most powerful things I’ve ever read here. All your hard work is very inspiring. I am very happy for you and your new life.
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I can relate to that… in addition to two years in a seminary !! But even with the religious aspect set to one side, your efforts and desire to get sober are commendable in and of themselves, just for your own good.
From the various posts that I’ve read here, few people - fortunately - are as self-deprecating and down on themselves as I am… If you look back at some of my old posts, you’ll see that I’m that guy that prayed (and still does) simply NOT to wake up in the morning.
That being said, I still want to be sober, and you should hopefully want that too, for YOUR own benefit. You can be as religious or non-religious as you like, no one here will make any waves about that, but the important thing is for you to do this for YOUR benefit… by extension, everyone around you will benefit too.
Remember this… doing without alcohol is not DEPRIVING yourself of anything, it’s FREEING yourself from an industry that has spread misery and destruction and illness for centuries.
We’re all here when you want to chat… and I suggest that you check in here whenever you can, it really helps a lot.
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During my arrest for DUI #5, time stopped. I had an out of body experience, and observed myself from a point above the car about 4 feet. I heard this message “Everything is going to be alright and you’ll be able to stop drinking now”. Time resumed, I was back in my body and the cop finished walking up to the window.
That message has been true. I haven’t had a drink since. But I did take action. 2 days later, after I made bail and retrieved my vehicle, I went to the doctor for a prescription for Antabuse. A month later I walked back into AA.
It happened for me, sobriety did. And if it can happen to such a hopeless mess of an alcoholic like me, I believe it can happen for you, Vincent. Blessings on your house
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You dont have to be into the whole God thing. Plenty of us had bad experiences with ppl supposedly of God. All you have to do is be open to the idea…and hes not trying to drown you dude…you are. And all that hate man it will eat you alive…and poison everything in your life…make a decision to get sober and stay there. We have all been where you are. Keep reaching out on here and in your physical life…sending prayers your way …even if you dont want them😁
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This has to be the best and fundamental advice to heed (talking to myself here too, as I self harmed last night…) It is so hard for me when I have no will power to overcome the strong compulsion.
We’re with you friend, we walk this wounded path together.
Hugs
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You can also look at god as a spirit within ourselves and not a figure of religion. As a person/father that keeps us on the straight and narrow. It doesnt have to be a religious concept.
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What @Donnie_Spiering said is exactly how I got sober, and remain sober well over 3 years later. The higher power, the one I pray to (when I rarely do now), is the part of me that is strong and powerful.
When I admitted I was powerless to drugs and alcohol I admitted it out loud to myself, then to others (within about 5 minutes of each other). I didn’t use those words, but I still admitted it in a way that I and others would understand. I looked deep inside myself, to that part of me that is strong and good, and went with the first thing that seemed appropriately drastic and useful. I went to the psychiatric emergency department that next morning. I wasn’t admitted, but told to do outpatient detox. I drove myself to that detox at 7 am for 3 weeks. It seemed like the right thing to do and I was willing to do anything. A was on the verge of a medical crisis the entire time, but I just kept going. 3 days after my detox ended I went back to that emergency department and for myself admitted. I was having small seizures and I wanted to die. They put me back on a detox taper for 3 more days and monitored me. I spent 11 days in that hospital and I learned how to keep things simple. Fuck what my brain thought, my inner strength knew I could do it. If I was having a shitty moment I could just fight through it to the next. It worked, and it helped. I took a lot of time off work, I went through a damn rollercoaster, but I came out the other side alive. But more importantly, I WANTED to live.
I accessed all that from within myself. I found strength when I thought I couldn’t possibly have any. I found courage where there seemed to be only fear. I pushed and pushed, and have become a much better version of myself than I ever thought I could be. I still have so much work to do, but who doesn’t? That’s life. Progress, not perfection. Haha, but with my stubborn version of progress it’s almost all or nothing.
Welcome here, friend. Please stay. Take what you need and leave the rest, but try to learn from it all. Come on this fucked up journey with us. We will be on it till the end of time.
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