I’ve lost so much motivation with life and living on life’s terms. I still pray but I’ve abandoned pretty much the rest of my recovery. Still sober but just living in my house like a cave man. I’ve come back here to spark some fire back up because I’m sick of living like this. Motivation and doing the simplest of task just seems crippling.
I can relate to some of this. I’m not sure what your personal situation is, but apathy has become my constant companion of late and it’s not an easy thing.
I hope you’re able to find something here that can help you. It’s good that you’re still trying despite all of this.
I know for myself that I have to do for others to make me feel happy and healthy in my alcoholic brain. Be at 4 years in a couple weeks and I saw a man at a meeting tonight who just got off (hopefully) a 3 week bender and I could see the desperation, smell the booze & heard those shaking words come out when he shared. Healthy reminder of where I could be again… any of us. In no time at all. Meetings help, shit it all helps.
Oh, and accepting my disease helped a ton. Can’t cure it, so how to live with it? I get to choose-hard or soft.
I’ve been sober for 25 days. I feel bored and miserable but I forgot how I felt the first couple days. I know they were the worst feeling and the mornings after drinking were hell but I forgot the feeling. I feel like drinking again. Everyday.
I loved the feeling if helping others and meeting have pretty much disappeared around me due to covid but I’ve not really put the effort to reach out till today now it seems when my phone rings I can’t even answer it of fear of people wanting me to do something or asking me things I don’t wanna think about.
That is definitely your addiction telling you it was never that bad its a monster to wrestle with every day. Regardless how I feel today I’m a million times better then was I was in my addiction. Your doing great and keep coming here or doing some sort of recovery every day it shuts that feeling down of want. My favorite thing to do in those times is go to YouTube and listen to someone’s lead hear there story and it makes you remember how bad that addiction really was.
Just feels like living in purgatory or whatever you want to call it. Everyday thr same and nothing gets easier. Work to pay bills then go to sleep. Then repeat.
I despise this work eat sleep self care repeat cycle. I’m trying to get in the frame of mind that I GET to do this… but I’m tired of being depressed and anxious and sick all the time. Tired of being in survival mode constantly.
I know this feeling you both are having because I feel the same right now but I’ve felt this before and found hope and over came it by coming to rooms like this and putting recovery back in my life some where along the way I lost it and fell right back into the hole I’m in but with recovery you get a shovel and you got to put in the work. I’m going yo start digging myself out by setting a goal everyday to brake up this monotonous life I’m in now or repeat. I’m not sure what goals yet but my thoughts so far are doing something new today either try something new or maybe cook something new. Simple goal of instead of ignoring my phone calls I’m going to make some today I came here to tells others and get it off my chest keeping anything in only makes you sicker.
Hey you guys, I’m wondering if any of of have considered doing therapy to get to the bottom of what’s missing in your life, what emotions keep you stuck and what’s causing the anxiety? I can relate a lot to what is being described here on the thread. I’m over two years sober but sobriety is really only the baseline I need to be able to face my fears and inner conflicts in therapy. Which is helping tremendously even if it’s very tough to do. I know that for me personally, setting the goal of answering phones or getting up every day and do X would not work. I was too deep in, too broken. There’s hope for all of us though!
Wish you all the best!
I was lucky when i lost my mojo i lift the phone to my sponsor and after a long talk which i had 98 percent of the talking i felt better . i was told work with others who wernt as lucky as i was to be sober and it took away my woes became more confident and wanted to answer that phone wish you well
At eight years sober, I had gone through a bunch of bad life on lifes terms events. I was extremely depressed. I couldn’t shake it. I began to romance the idea of drinking again, until I acted on it.
It did not go well. It was way harder to come back to recovery than I could have imagined it to be.
I hope your able to get grounded in recovery again. Its not going to be any better out there than it was five years ago. Im glad your here! Keep fighting the good fight!
I am so glad you posted this. This couldn’t of come at a better time for me. I am 2 1/2 years sober. I am also struggling to keep sober. I keep imagining how I use to see myself drinking. I imagine this relaxed , easy going fun person. Now I am up tight I don’t know how to relax and I can’t calm my racing thoughts. I was playing pool at a bar yesterday and I really wanted to drink. I am so tired of being so good. I feel like all I do now is take care of my friends and tell them how they act when they drink. I am struggling with myself doing the same old shit day in and day out.
Hang in there! 25 days is a great start!
Inner peace comes with work. Its not always fun but its worth it!
I spent so much of my life drunk that it felt like it was all I knew. Its was always calling me back until I got further away from it.
Ive had to work really hard to be content in recovery.
I will keep it simple, you are who you surround yourself with.
@Marie_Barnett if you are hanging out with drinkers at bars chances are you aren’t getting much recovery there. I am not surprised you have urges to drink and are feeling like you are missing out. That is exactly how I relapsed.
@John0142 if you are isolating then you are in your own head and we all know how that goes. I am glad you are here reaching out. COVID has been a bitch for addicts and I am sorry to hear that meetings didn’t start back up in your area.
There are a TON of virtual meetings though and there’s a TON of service positions still available. If you want to get yourself back into the middle of the plate you can, you just need to be willing.
Glad you are both reaching out here before you pick up though. Was really hard to clean up after I relapsed, try to stay above water.
Have you been screened for depression? Seems to be a lot if it these days. Apparently being locked down and isolated while being bombarded with negative news has a deleterious effect on people’s outlook on life.
Now that’s the spirit.
For what it’s worth, I’ve been feeling pretty down myself lately after three plus years sober. Somedays it still feels like, what’s the point?
You’re right though. I remember enough to know I don’t stand a chance at peace if I pick up a bottle. There’s been some pretty stellar days and even a bad day is actually pretty good when I think of the before times.
As for feeling kinda crappy, I also know there’s more I’m not doing to enjoy life to it fullest. And that sober I’m perfectly capable of it.
Yknow, once I get over myself. Again.
I get what your saying but I am not going to ask my friends and gf to change because I am In recovery. Plus I love to play pool and if I didn’t play I wouldn’t feel like myself and probably become resentful if I didn’t.
I know they are close to you and you love them but anything you put in front of recovery you will lose learned this the hard way. My whole close family are in addiction and I have to love them from a far friends from the past I let go but I’ve built new family and new friends and the ones I keep know of my addiction and don’t put me in situations that hinder my recovery its just food for thought and everyone’s recovery is different but I will tell you keep putting yourself in those situations and you will drink.