Back again made it through my 1st 24hours sober again but this time I feel more disappointed in myself than any other time before. There was no trigger for me to have that first drink, I had been doing pretty well but I didn’t keep up meetings and got too far ahead of myself in confidence of being in control when I know that is one thing I do not have when it comes to drinking.
I’ve been put on a waiting list for a residential 4 week programme and hopefully I won’t be waiting too long before I can get a place. I’m nervous about it though, not having as much contact with my family or friends and I know in my head that’s all small time stuff because I’ll only lose said family and friends if I don’t knock this horrible disease.
Right now I’m feeling down and I wish I could just turn back time and never make that choice to drink again. I didn’t harm myself or anyone else or get into trouble. I seen my key worker today and she pointed out that it’s the longest period of time I’d managed to stay sober since I started drinking and to take that as something I know I can do as long as I work towards it.
It happened. It’s in the past now. You cannot change it. You need your higher power to grant you the serenity to accept that.
What you may also need is the courage to change what you can. Which in this case seems to be your present. Your here and now. Learning from that relapse that the ego is always there…waiting to be given the stage. Living one moment at a time. Gratitude for being here. And the desire to work towards it.
Stay strong friend. One day at a time.
And if you can find a meeting…please do. They really do help. x
You did 71 days, so you can do that again and more. See it as a hick up for now and keep moving forward.
Those sober days aren’t gone. Recovery is growing so try to learn from this relapse to avoid a new one. Make a plan. What made you relapse and what can you do differently next time?
Sobriety must be my priority every single day. Sure, i have choices, but going back out is not one of them. I’ve yet to see someone come back from a relapse saying things were different (better) this time around. I have to remember that I have another relapse in me but I’m not guaranteed another recovery. This disease kills…plain and simple.
I will lose anything I put in front of my sobriety.
I like this acronym.
Day 2 down, not much lifting on the mood side of things. Been feeling somewhat worse not sure why but I do know this feeling can last the few days. I feel like I’m in a zombie like feeling in my head. I’m sober so I am at least greatful for that and all I can do is get to sleep early and wake up feeling a little bit better. Thanks for all the kind words
Made it through day 7 today. It’s a strange feeling I have, my 71 days sober before I ended up drinking feels so achievable to reach again. I’ve never come back from a relapse and felt as disappointed in myself and feeling like I hit a new low. The first couple 2 days this timw were probably the lowest I had felt because I had worked so hard to not hit day one again.
I have my normal weekly appointment with me with key worker in the morning and I’m not feeling as anxious as I normally have been. Anxiety is one of many things I have issues with but probably the hardest to deal with. I think I have done the ground work with getting supports and working on myself everyday in my sobriety journey and it’s why I feel I have been able to reflect, accept and move on and only focusing on getting through another day sober.
I’m also aware with my mental health issues some diagnosed and some awaiting diagnosis that this feeling I’m having right now of elation and happiness and excitement could be a symptom of those issues. But I’ve been trying not to speculate and dwell on those thoughts and instead am just recognising that I am working every moment of everyday to stay sober.
This might just be a ramble but I really felt the need to just get that out there as it is a positive and one that I am proud of.