Just the “Youversion”.
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Same, I love it
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So I went to the CR page to make sure that I had the right church and the listing is gone! I emailed the church and am waiting a response. Their phone number is no longer in service..very strange because it was there yesterday. The other churches have groups on evenings that I work so I guess that’s a bust unless I hear otherwise from them…oh well
Edit.. I think that I’m just going to show up there. Worst case scenario nobody is there and I just come home
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Yeah, thats an idea. Just show up and see.
If nothing well, either way I’ll be doing part 12 (not step) and getting that all finalized by 8:30 tonight.
Just gotta go over some stuff, + work and CR for me.
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Well I got a response, CR is a no go. I’m probably going to go to an AA meeting.
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Sorry to hear that..
But, yeah, AA could be good. Learn, meet, grow.
@Butterflymoonwoman
@Jette
@JazzyS
@Amelie
@WCan
PART XII BOOK 3 
…
Today, we start not in brokeness, but in the basic idea of Jesus.
If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.
Romans 10:9
So, that’s it.
No damnation, no you’re going to hell, no you’re a terrible person.
Ahh, most Churches and people have it wrong. I even remember hearing it when I was younger. I would fight back and say no, that can’t be it, and I didn’t even believe Jesus was a real person. But, in my young mind it made no sense.
Well, thats because it wasn’t right, it wasn’t biblical. It was far from the teachings of Jesus, our God.
When you decide that you want to come to Jesus in your heart and give him your complete heart or piece by piece. Remember a few things.
If you hold him, or eventually hold him #1 in your heart, He will lead you to better places.
And, He does not care about about your past, only you, yourself in the moment and for your future He is already building it, or it’s already built. Hmm, good scripture question.
But, that’s it. Because everything else is between you and God. The healing, the past, the grief, the joy, the love, the saddness. The complete road, for I don’t know, your family members don’t know, your friends don’t know what awaits, and sometimes you wont know until you get there.
Think of it like this, there will be no one you completely trust 100%, but what if God was the only thing you could trust without a doubt? Eventually.
Always around, always willing to help, never late, and you could just keep talking and praising all day long. And, that would simply be between you and God. He doesn’t judge you, for Jesus is in your heart and He sees that.
My ramble, is really this… thats Jesus’s teachings.
Now, was Jesus this absolute hippy loving person… absolutely not.
So he made a whip out of cords, and drove all from the temple courts, both sheep and cattle; he scattered the coins of the money changers and overturned their tables. 16 To those who sold doves he said, “Get these out of here! Stop turning my Father’s house into a market!”
John 2:15-16
He didn’t enjoy seeing a church become a den for thieves, gamblers and a market.
Only rule, Jesus is #1, in your heart
Thats it.
…
Alright lets get to it…
-
What wrongs, resentments, or secrets are “keeping you awake at night?” Would you like to get rid of them?
-
What value do you see in confessing, in coming clean of the wreckage of your past?
-
As you obey God’s directions for confession, what results do you expect God to produce in your life?
-
What freedom do you feel because of the words of Romans 8:1 and Romans 3:23-24? What specifically do the phrases “no condemnation” and “not guilty” mean to you?
-
After you complete principle 4, you will find four areas of your life to improve. You will be able to face the truth, ease the pain, stop the blame, and start accepting God’s forgiveness. In what areas of your life will each of these four positive changes help your recovery?
I can be more honest with…
I can ease my pain by…
I can stop blaming…
I can accept God’s forgiveness because of…
…
That concludes the questions.
Short, but bitter sweet.
What are my current sins?
… I don’t know, I guess my anger at times can drive me to be stubborn. But, currently, I can’t think of much. I gossip every now and then, but i quickly stop myself.
God really is number one, and I don’t idolize anything above him. I fell off lust, dropped ciggs, haven’t even gambled in a month or two.
Oh, I swear in my anger. I guess, I just get angry every so often about usually work.
But, i’m just starting the season of joy with God. It had been a long summer.
Just enjoying what Jesus has built, so, i’m not really complaining.
…
Praise in the worst and the best. For He guides us with Reason.
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I took time to re-read post 1-54 as first time through I was just concentrated on the questions and getting the steps worked out.
Amazing work here … thank you for this safe space and all the beautiful answers 
@Butterflymoonwoman 
I have worked through a few more steps …
Step V
- What is stopping you from asking Jesus Christ into your heart as your Lord and Savior? (If you have already asked Christ into your life, describe your experience.)
• I have accepted my Higher Power into my life and have full faith that He is beside me in this journey of life. I am dealing with some health issues as of late and for some time I did think that I was being punished for my actions of betraying another soul. I don’t see it as that but do believe that what I am going through could have been a lot worse if I did not surrender my all to my HP - How has relying on your “own understanding” caused problems in your life? Be specific
• I did not and do not have the answers. I was under the understanding that I was in control. My understanding was flawed. I can not have sound understanding without my HP in my life. Only with His love, support and guidance do I have clear understanding in life.
• My own understanding was fueled by lust and my own desires so did not have any pure direction. It caused me to lie and hide my actions as I was ashamed to be open with what I was doing (this should have been a clear sign that it was wrong). - What does "repent mean to you? What do you need repent of?
• To repent means to seek genuine forgiveness for my actions. Make changes in my mind and my actions to not repeat those actions.
• I need to repent for my 13 year affair. Grateful that I finally had the courage and strength to end it. - What does the declaration of “not guilty” found in Romans 3:22 mean to you?
• Had to look it up – 3:22 22 This righteousness is given through faith in[a] Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference between Jew and Gentile, 23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, 24 and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.
I would say this all means that we are human and therefore have sinned. In finding our path to God and accepting Him fully into our lives can we truly repent for our sins and get to be Not-guilty declaration - When you turn your life over to Jesus Christ, you have a “new life”. What does that mean to you.
• Grateful the faith I have when I turned my life over to my HP. Grateful to not feel alone. I can meditate and pray and connect with my HP. I feel lighter and full of positive light with Him by my side. - What does the principle 3 prayer mean to you?
• That I am powerless on my own. That I need to have faith, show my devotion to my HP by connecting with Him and living in his light. By accepting Him in my heart and life and allowing His guidance to help change my life into one that I can be proud of. In accepting God (my HP) into my life I can heal my wounds, repent for my sins and rid myself of anger, lust, addiction, and learn to forgive.
Step VI
- What differences have you noticed in your life now that you have accepted Jesus Christ?
- I am not as quick to anger. I am able to see others sides to the situation and empathize.
- I am more positive in my day to day. I do have dark days and moments/ thoughts but they are quickly erased when I lean further into my HP. The pain sometimes does become a bit unbearable but I know it won’t last and my HP wouldn’t give me anything that I was not strong enough to handle
- I am working on forgiving my past and paving a righteous path for my future
- How has your definition of willpower changed since you have been in recovery?
- Not sure that it has. I always had a strong willpower and I know that I can do anything I set my mind to. With the guidance of God I can set my mind to positive and righteous things
- What have you been able to turn over to God?
- My life! I now have faith that I will heal. I now know I have 0 control over things and people’s reactions. I know that with Him in my life I can work on pushing out the darkness and negativity
- What do you fear turning over to His care?
- No fear in being in His care. I do fear that I may loose it some day and therefore work diligently every day to keep my connection.
- What is keeping you from turning them over?
- Nothing – Fully and without question I am totally with God. In the early days I did question Him but now I know that I do not know the master plan and that the master plan can span many life times. For me I have surrendered to Him completely.
- What does the phrase, “one day at a time” mean to you?
- That we live in this moment in time. We live for today and do what we can to make it the best day for our life. For today I will pray, I will not hurt myself or others, I will not give into my urges
- What is the major concern in your life?
- OOF – loaded question. I am concerned that I will not heal in this lifetime. That I will not be able to see myself as I once was. To not be able to see and explore more of God’s beauty in this beautiful world
- My parents aging and the inevitable. Although we never know who’s time will come first. Death in general is something I have not come to terms with just yet.
- Whats stopping you from turning it over to Jesus Christ?
- Nothing - just a work in progress.
Left off at post #70 for my reference
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I, truly am glad you’re here Jazzy.
Your honesty, your rawness in our talks. (In your answers above)
I admire it, but, of course I am most glad you are letting go and giving it to God. That major release, into your new body, your new mind.
These are the things I cherish to see in others the most.
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Thank you Andre. I am gaining a lot from these steps and from being here 
.
Looking forward to working the next steps hopefully soon.
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Part XIII,
Sunday… i’ll try and get it in before Church.
It was a beautiful time at Celebrate Recovery today. What Jesus continues to do, is truly beautiful.
Bed soon.
…
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Beautiful words and imagery 
Good night
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Geek out my friend…what a beautiful read . Thanks for sharing
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Much love my sober peeps. Thank you for this space and allowing me to work these steps with you …
Step VII
- Why is it important for you to have a support team?
- I know I can not do this on my own. I need that reminder of what it was like on Day 0 when my mind starts to romanticize my demons.
- To feel connection and not feel like I am alone in this. To not feel unique and the only one battling these addictions
- What qualities are you looking for in a sponsor?
- I don’t have a sponsor but rely heavily on this community
- Would want a sponsor who understands the battles of addiction.
- Someone who is caring and compassionate but can show tough love when necessary
- To be available to me when I feel wobbly and need support the most
- How have you attempted to find a sponsor / accountability partner?
- I haven’t yet looked for a sponsor but do have a few friends that I check in with who help me stay grounded and on track
- What are some new places and ways you can try to find a sponsor?
- New places? — I don’t really do meetings or groups so for me I would look for other sober folk in my circle and see if we could be accountability partners for one another. Not sure if this setting would be good for finding a sponsor
- What is the difference between a sponsor and an accountability partner.
- An accountability partner for me is someone who you can check in with and you both are in the same boat helping each other out. Both are equals and on the same plane
- A sponsor is more of a teacher / coach type person in your life who you answer to so to speak. Work steps with and reach out to for support and guidance in your journey.
Step VIII
- Where will you go for quiet time to begin your inventory?
- Home in my safe space where I am in solitude
- What date have you set aside to start? What time?
- Starting today 9/19/2025 at 8:25 pm
- What are your fears as you begin your inventory? Why?
- My biggest fear is that I’ve heard others talk about “inventory” and how hard and taxing it is – I fear that I will not be able to complete. Fear that I may be biting off more than I can chew even with so much sobriety time, I do not feel ready
- What can you do to help “wake up” your feelings?
- Let go. I need to let whatever emotions arise surface and play out. I need to not be afraid of judgement. I need to be truthful and know that I have done harder things and survived.
- Describe your experience of turning your life over to Christ?
- Don’t think it was any one experience or moment. I have always believed in God and have always known that He was by my side but in sobriety I was able to stop feeling like I was living in punishment. I finally felt like I was doing what I can to live in God’s glory and for that I needed to embrace Him and solidify my connection to Him.
- How do you attempt to turn over your will to God’s care on a daily basis?
- I keep Him in my thoughts all day every day. I worship His name repeatedly with each breath. He is with me in everything that I do.
- I live my life free of shameful acts and therefore I do not have to fear future regret.
- Show love and respect to all living beings as everyone is made in His image
- List the things you have used to block the pain of your past.
- In the past I would block my pain by denying it (shoving it deep down) – mostly I would drown it with alcohol and weed. I would allow my anger to build up and replace the pain. In sobriety I am no longer blocking anything. I am embracing the pain and giving it the time it needs to heal and wash over me.
- What have you done to step out of your denial?
- I have embraced God. Giving Him myself in full surrender. I know that my pain is temporary. I know if I can strengthen my mind then the pain will lessen (It is all a matter of mind over matter). I know that by working on my relationship with God I am helping my mind become stronger – allowing myself to heal Baby steps.
- How can you continue to find new ways out of your denial of the past?
- Not sure if I need new ways. Have to give this way a fair shot first. Change does not come easy or quickly.
- Why is it important to do a written inventory?
- Gives you accountability
- Become aware of your strengths and your weaknesses so you know what to focus on and be able to formulate a plan to move forward
- What are some good things you have done in the past?
- Not sure of any… I do know that I was always available and there for anyone who needed me.
- What are some of the negative things you have done in your past?
- I betrayed someone I don’t know and had relations with her husband off and on for 13 years. No way for me to make amends with this one. Just doing what I can to not repeat my mistakes
- I have been hurtful to my dad. We both are quick to anger. I did still hold hurt in my heart over how things were handled when I was younger with family dynamics. Grateful that I have been working on seeing his side of things and slowly letting that hurt go. We are both in a better place (still not 100% but way better)
- Lied to my loved ones – it started to come so damn easily that it became scary. Grateful that I have nothing to lie about now. I have come clean with everyone in my life about my past.
- Do you have an accountability partner to help you keep your inventory balanced?
- Not yet
So maybe I am missing what Step 9 is about… are these the questions?
- The Person - Who is the object of my resentment or fear
- The Cause - What specific action did that person take that hurt me?
- The Effect - What effect did that action have on my life?
- The Damage - What damage did that action do to my basic social security, and/ or sexual instincts.
- My Part - What part of the resentment am I responsible for?
- Who are the people I have hurt
Step IX
A. My grandparents. They caused my mom some pain when she was a newlywed living in a different country with a man she had just met. They did not make life easy and I did not appreciate that. Many small incidents to discuss or remember. They seemed shady and manipulative .I have worked through them all and let them go.
• I know they did their best and did not know any better.
• I was able to make peace and give them a loving goodbye when they were getting ready to move onto the next world.
• I was not an easy child and very stubborn. Would not take shit from anyone (even family) and that created many fights. Very disrespectful in my culture and I did not make it easy for my parents
• I am sure my actions caused my grandparents pain too. I do know that my actions caused my dad pain as he had to choose between his parents and his family.
B. Adult female in my life. She forced me to have relationships with my cousins as she felt they were excluded. We were of different ages and had nothing in common. I was a free spirit but also believed in working for what I had so had many jobs as a child (odd jobs in the neighborhood). My extended family would call me names for not including my cousins / sharing my candy and then take it out on my parents for not raising me right. I worked hard for my candy dammit and I wanted to play cops and robbers not barbies.
• Learning now that my she was only in her early 30’s and a single woman taking on two families from abroad. She sponsored my family to come over from Iran during the war and my uncles family from India to get settles in the US. She was doing what she knew as a phycologist to make the peace (it totally did not work and singled me out).
• We have recently made peace and she even apologized for how she treated me / made me feel
C. Adult fenyun my life again (yup same one). For constantly telling me that I needed to loose weight. I have viewed my pictures and in no way shape or form was I heavy or had anything to loose. She was obsessed with weight and took her issues out on me (a 7 year old).
• This messed with my body image issues and to some extent I am still working through them.
• She now knows how messed up she was in her thinking and is working through her own personal issues. We have grown past it and know we have to own our own shit.
D. A male family member - having ideologies that girls were frail and less than and needed to be protected. Got pissed that I enjoyed Madona for instance and was running around playing with boys and created many issues in my home. Especially when my dad bought me Material Girl cassette (just the cover alone had him blow a gasket) 
Shit hit the fan. He pushed his views on our family and that caused tension. I again was stubborn and wasn’t listening to anyone.
• I tried to leave the family when I turned 13 but then stayed cause of my siblings. My favorite grandma got sick and I needed to be there for them. Our home was full of tension for many many years. I escaped best I could starting to drink in the 5th grade and got into smoking and heavy drinking when I turned 13. Weed followed a few years later.
• Learned that my he was brought up with this type of thinking. He has adapted to the ways of living here in the States (not India) and we have grown to love and respect one another.
************* Who have I hurt
• My parents, my aunts and uncles and my grandparents with my stubbornness
• The wife of the man I had an affair with
• Myself
Left off at post 85 for my reference
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Where you in Iran at the time, or? Already in the states?
But, a free spirit, or just anyone hearing this.
From needing to include, to weight, to moving, to tension, to probably always trying to make a point.
We lived vastly different lifestyles, but, there were definite points where I felt your pain. Many of times Andre wouldnt take shit from no one.
I deeply understand that.
But, for the rest of it.
How rude and fucked.
Fucked, but thats good though.
No judgement, honestly, I’ve been there. I get it… different stories, but I been there..
…
As always Jazzy, I appreciate the bond, the oppeness and just the opportunity to talk and get to know you.
This vulnerability, rare, but, not to much beats it in life. The rawness, the, Here I am.
…
Lastly, of course, I just want to give thanks to God, for bringing us here today. To share, and be.
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Thank you Andre 
I didn’t realize all the help I would be getting from answering these questions. It is a very therapeutic process.
In Iran. We came to the States in '85. Was a exciting journey as we could not fly out. So boats, a ship and then planes. Took about a week.
. We have all had pain. Think it is impossible to go through life without experiencing it. Now we have to learn to heal ourselves so we don’t travel on with it.
I am grateful that I’m working on this and feel like I’ve let a lot go. Some things I don’t even recall when I try to think of past hurt and I see that as a good sign.
Appreciate you and this space. 
. Grateful for God in helping us recover and heal together here.
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God is ever great!
But, also, maybe one day you’ll go attend a “irl” (i laugh, i forgot about the irl) 8 beatitudes meeting, since you understand the concept.
If done right, the vibes at those meetings are so-so good.
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Have a wonderful weekend. 
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