Ah yes this is the chart I went off of for Step 9 - So I guess I thought first part of Step 10 resembled the questions from Step 9. May need to give it more thought and time to see what the differences are.
1 Like
Here.
Notes i wrote in Part 8.
1 Like
The funny thing is that I did feel like I was in a calm space and yet did not have an answer to that question. Did feel off balance but not off kilter if that makes sense. Will revisit this question before moving onto step 10 Which may be a wait as I feel step 10 is loaded with inventory and I need to be in the right headspace for it 
1 Like
I see, but, yeah, these steps take time..
Sometimes months, sometimes a year lol.
To really get in the deep-deep stuff.
1 Like
Oh - I didn’t realize that. Totally makes sense now on why it would take that kind of time.
1 Like
Like i said, when you were like I did 2 or 3 stpes in a few hours im like, damnnnn, okay you were in thaat.
However, even though the beginning is easier. Still. Lol.
It all takes time. Then you do the 8 steps, then you come back to them and do them again lol.
Welcome to the rest of your life. 
It’s definitely a “wild time”, wooo work
1 Like
. Wild time eh…ok..I’ll take your word for it
1 Like
@Butterflymoonwoman
@JazzyS
@Jette
@Amelie
@WCan
PART XIII 
One of the greatest blessings i recieved from our Lord, was to start making amends, to stop running away and start building. Right here, were I stand, and move forward. In that I have, because of God, met some truly wonderful people. As time went on, my mind renewed and I seen my past even worse. It was tough, but seeing your past as something to learn from instead of wanting to go back. Has so much value. Think about it? Where does bitterness and anger come from as we get older? Wanting to go back, wishing something would have gone a certian way. Non acceptance.
But, when we take Jesus into our life, He accepts us, and says move forward, Go, for I will be with you. I will make all crooked lines straight.
Sure people can try to do it by yourselves, and maybe you become successful, but there will always have a piece missing. Accepting God bringing him into our lives, will always be the piece that gives you life. Regardless of your own thinking of sucess.
When I followed my own thinking it brought me to misery, using people, fear, resentment, power trips, control, manipulation and a deep brokeness.
Or, also just a deep seated fear, and leaned into my own abandonment issues.
You know that brokeness after months of doing what you wanted, then you just sit there in your room. You hate everything, bitterness, sadness and a deep lack of hope comes.
Yeah… i can honestly say with Jesus, ill just never be… there again.
The greatest love i recieved from God was I can honestly say, I won’t become bitter.
And that alone was enough, especially from the terrible things I had done in my past… and the terrible wicked things that were done…to me.
Thank You, Jesus, for bringing me to an abundance of amazing people, and to have sent me at least one person to have shared even my most deepest traumas. I never thought there would be a day, but that day came..
And, I do feel free. In Jesus mighty name.
…
Lets start..
…
Lets get to it.
- In principle 4 we are asked to give our inventory three times. Who are we to confess it to and why?
- Most of us find it easier to confess our wrongs to ourselves and God. We seem to have more difficulty in sharing them with another person. What is the most difficult part for you? Why?
- What is your biggest fear of sharing your inventory with another person?
- List 3 people whom you are considering sharing your inventory. List the pros and cons of each selection. Circle your final choice.
- Pick a quiet location to share your inventory.
Now you’re ready for the most freeing experiances of your life here on Earth. You will appreciate James 5:16 more.
…
Closing:
Thank you truly, in our imperfections we are still made new. Thank you to all those who are doing this. It’s all love.
Never a moment of judgement. For who am I? I probably done worse. In my deep-deep brokeness.
…
1 Like
Beautiful Andre. Great to see you building these relationships and staying to see them flourish 
WOW !!! 
keep following your path my friend - He has a wonderful plan for you!
Working on step 10 …
1 Like
For all of Us.
2 Likes
that was a mistype – I am sitting and letting each question work its way through me. Some stuff that I haven’t thought about in a long time is coming up which I guess is part of the healing.
Some I’ll share and some maybe for the next go around 
1 Like
Oh yeah even though part 9 and part 10 are similar, something about 10 just pushes a lot more.
It was my favorite, but it was also the toughest shit, next to well the most recent release.
1 Like
WOW - so I have more tough stuff to look forward to … I will embrace it.
Was only going to do a few questions but throughout today I have worked through this step…
Step X Part 1
1.Who has hurt you? (Go as far back as you can). How did the specificity hurt you.
• My grandparents with their ideologies and how they treated my mother. How they pitted me against my dad with lies and tattling on my every move (even when it wasn’t a bad move). They caused the relationship between my dad and I to explode. We are still not back to where we were and may never get that back.
• My dad for letting our relationship break so easily as he believed the lies told by his parents. I held a whole lot of anger towards him for this and all the tension and hurt it caused in our household. Luckily we shielded my siblings from it but my relation has never been the same.
o I didn’t feel like I had a father figure after that. I felt lost and felt like I needed to show up for myself.
• My aunt for how she berated me on my body when I had nothing to prove or loose. Now I am still battling body image issues and working on finding a way to love myself for who I am in the form I am.
• A family friend’s husband for trying to take advantage of me while I was drunk. I was 13 and in a different country in a car alone and luckily had the clarity to mess up his privates with my elbow. I had a hard time feeling comfortable in my skin and did not allow myself to form any romantic relationships.
• My aunt (#2) who is now divorced from my uncle and is no longer in our lives for she created many manipulative instances where she was the victim and had me and or my mother scolded cause her kids were not being included. She also created issues for the adults with her slyness. She has created a similar business to that of my mom’s in order to compete here in our small town. She has pitted my cousins against the rest of the family and unfortunately it is only their loss as we are all very much in touch and support the growing family community.
-
Who are you holding a grudge against? (Seeking revenge?
• I did hold a grudge on my grandparents for many years. I was fortunate enough to make the trip to India and say goodbye to them when they were ill. I made my amends and then years later I mentally visited my childhood and emotionally cut ties to the hurt that was sitting within me
• I still have some resentment towards my aunt (#2) - I ran into her at the store a few years back and totally did not acknowledge her. No need to give anyone the satisfaction of ruining my day. I am working on letting my resentment go. The world is big enough for all of us… I wish her well in whatever she does. -
Who are you jealous of? (Past and Presant.) Why?
• Not sure if I am jealous of anyone per se. I do wish I was able to do more but that is my own body’s limitations. I am jealous in general of those how can work out / eat well and loose weight. I know that I am battling severe inflammation and histamine issues and that is the hinderance but at the same time it is just a bit frustrating. I can gain weight but stubbing my toe… it is ridiculous and maddening… so Yes I am jealous of people being healthy and not having to deal with silly ailments. I know this too will pass and I will heal -
Who have you hurt? And how did you hurt them?
• My dad as I cut all ties emotionally with him when he choose his parents over me.
• My ex’s wife for having a long term affair with her husband. Only recently did I find out that she had known about it the entire time. That kind of hurt I would never have wanted to inflict on anyone.
• My highschool friend who I cut ties with a few years ago because it was a very one sided friendship. I know I’ve hurt her but I can’t have a friendship where I do all of the heavy lifting. -
Who have you been critical of or gossiped about? Why?
• Used to have many things to say about my co-workers to my boyfriend as we worked together. A lot of judgement on my part. Was angry with lack of work ethic and this was a way for me to complain / vent with someone
• I have shared things about my brother’s ex with my mom. This was unfair on my part as I had a distaste for her and my feelings came through in my stories. I was having a conversation with my mom on my day to day and when it came to interactions with her I may have had a angry tone -
How have you attempted to place the blame on someone else?
• Don’t think I have. I have lied to shield myself from blame but never put it on anyone else. -
What new healthy relationships have you developed since you have been in recovery?
• The one with myself. Learning to live a life of truth and honesty.
• The one with God as I am surrendering to Him and letting Him guide my way
• My relationship with my dad. We are working on mending years of hurt and resentment -
What areas of your life have you been able to turn over to God, Jesus?
• I have surrendered my thinking to God. I have asked him to help me be a better me in this life. I am praying daily and keeping Him with me at all times and ask that he not leave me. I know that my ailments and healing is a process that I must go through and I will do so gladly as long as He is by my side. I can not ask Him to relieve me of anything but can ask that I don’t endure these challenges alone -
After acting on principle 3, in what areas of your life are you still not putting God first? Why not?
• I am not seeing any areas where I am not putting God first. If one should arise I will make sure to course correct immediately as only with the blessings of God can I walk the path that I am on now. -
What in your past is keeping you from seeking and following Gods will for your life?
• I did have some time in the not so distant past where I felt like what I was going through was a punishment and made me resent God. Made me angry with Him for putting me through this living hell. This is no longer my belief or thinking. I know I will heal and I will get better in time. I have been given this gift which has allowed me to slow down, find patience and acceptance and taught me to live kindly through the pain. Just because I am in pain does not mean I have the right to lash out at anyone. I am fully committed to seeking God and having Him in my life. Nothing is keeping me from fulfilling this destiny. -
Number the following list in order of your personal priorities.
• God
• Health
• Family
• Safety
• Home
• Work
• Money -
What are your goals for the next 90 days? Keep it simple!
• Continue building my relationship with God
• Continue working on my anger
• Continue on my healing. Have started a new Aryvedic / acupuncture treatment that I am excited about. -
What areas in your life are you thankful for?
• My relationship with God. Grateful for my adopted grandfather who helped me understand the teachings of His disciples (as I am still learning to read Punjabi).
• My family and their unconditional love and support.
• My sobriety in which I can work on healing myself in every aspect – physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually -
In the past, what things have you been ungrateful over?
• I used to feel ungrateful for my inability to have kids. Funny cause when I was a kid I used to say that I never wanted children. Then when I found out that I couldn’t – well I went through a small (very small) amount of time where I wanted a child of my own.
o Grateful this never happened as I can’t imagine trying to heal myself now with all that I’m dealing with and take care of another being
• Felt ungrateful for working 100+ hours a week and being taken advantage of at work (the more I did the more got piled on)
o Realized this was my own doing. I allowed it to happen and would try to help everyone out in all departments. I was paid for my job and yet I would go around helping where ever I could
-
What causes you to lose your temper?
• Holding onto a lot of pain (physical) and the constant body itching / rashes I spend a lot of my energy in just holding a conversation without going crazy and when something goes off rails or I feel like I’m being attacked I tend to get angry – very quick to anger at that.
o I have been working on this and seems that others are noticing the changes in the past months. I am not allowing the words to hit me personally – I am not under attack. I respond after I have digested what is being said
• I also loose my temper when I have asked for my boundaries to be respected and my requests is blatantly ignored
o Finding a calmer way to state my boundaries and then give a warning that I will get mad if this behavior continues… obviously still need to work on this -
To whom have you been sarcastic to in the past?
• Basically everyone – Sarcasm is my defense mechanism and my go to when I get upset/ angry. I am working on toning it waaaaay back. I still find myself making sarcastic comments to people on the road doing stupid shit or in the store when they block the lane to talk on the phone or… well you get it. -
What from your past are you worried about?
• I have made mistakes and missteps in my past but I am not afraid of it. I am correcting my ways and learning from my past. I would not be me if it wasn’t for my past so I am grateful for the lessons and grateful that I am learning from them. -
How has your attitude improved since starting the steps?
• I feel lighter. I feel like I had a feeling like I was healed from my past hurt but in revisiting it for these questions I can honestly say that I am not letting my past hurt affect me today. Still have to work on how to deal with how I’ve hurt others but that is a work in progress. -
Does your walk as a Christian match your talk?
• I would like to think so. I walk with God and hold him in my heart at all times. I try to make sure I see God in everyone I see /meet.
• With His guidance I am working on squashing my judgements and finding empathy for all people. Being able to see the other side to the story. This is a harder task these days when you see what is going on in the world but I am working on it -
In what areas of your past have you used false humility to impress someone?
• I usually try to not flaunt my work or efforts or talk about them in a bragging kind of way but rather let my actions and the results speak for themselves. Sometimes this feels false like I’m hiding. -
Have any of your past business dealings been dishonest? Have you ever stolen things?
• I have not been dishonest in my work or business relations.
• I have stolen in my past
o Once when I was a child (about 11) I took a small toy from someone’s home. I did not know these people and felt bad immediately afterwards but never did see them again to return it. I never told anyone about it till now.
o Took some candy from the bulk section at the grocery store as a teen. I had already paid for my stash and wanted some more but did not want to wait in line. Totally an entitled move. -
List the ways you have been able to get out of your denial into Gods truth?
• By fully surrendering. Knowing that I am not able to do this journey alone. I need the support and strength of my Higher Power to guide me
• By accepting God’s truth as the truth
Left off at 94
1 Like
Before I do the deep dive, I just wanted to say thank you. You really went in, again.
How do you feel after it all?
I read them, but, I do like taking time to process ones soul.
1 Like
Thank you…take your time.
Feeling lighter this morning. Last night was a lot of thinking and emotions (all good but still a lot).
2 Likes
Yeah, thats what the steps do… it can be brutal..
Just brings up old stuff and sometimes it’ll just sit for a few days. Thats what was tough. Just the random lingering, but its good that you feel lighter today.
Steps are no joke.
This whole summer, step work, break up, the thing with my son, grieving, letting it all Go into God and not going into survival mode.
All new thinking, all new doing, every emotion.
Like I said, this summer was a complete 180.
Everything was new.. a renewal of the mind and spirit.
But, God said “Go” so I ran towards what He wanted.
1 Like
That’s powerful and so inspiring.
Grateful that you did have Him by your side when you went through all you did.
I feel like I have been working on this stuff for the past two years (not in step work but just sorting through my wounds and healing then so I don’t rely on addictions to fill the void). This may be why I’m not as emotionally drained at the moment…just my thoughts. I may need to dig deeper?
Time will tell
1 Like
You went far into it, from what you wrote.
That part is between you and God, going deeper or not.
But, as time goes on it seems, in our talks you’ll do the steps again and have already shared the good news.
1 Like
That’s wonderful to hear, just hearing what you have done and do.
Seems like you had a long summer of change too.
2 Likes