A boring and unoriginal story

[Cleon]

Hi, I am new here and I wanted to share how I got there any maybe people will see themselves in these lines and if it can help someone to relate, I am sure it can help me too.

I live in Switzerland. I am dangerously close to being 50. And I succeeded in everything I did for the major part of this life. It took a lot of work. And I am not ashamed of what I have accomplished, being the humble son of a car mechanic and a stay at home mom. I succeeded in studies, I had a good career, I am an executive now. I make decent pay, I have 2 wonderful kids… And in 2020, my life was shattered. I failed. You see, after 22 years with the love of my life, she declared one day, out of the blue, that she did not love me anymore. And that was the end of it. And there was nothing I could do to fix that. I was done, she moved to the next guy. And it was not me.

We all know here how to cope with substance on such emptiness and sense of obliteration. Everything we built. Gone. Every sacrifice. In vain. I was just discarded. Trashed, at 50.

It has been 4 years now. 4 years of nothing. Without projects, without future. The daily grind, the daily emptiness. Yes I have my kids every other weeks and I take care of them and I love them. And I do everything I am supposed to do for them. That’s something.

But that’s not enough. Every time I see them, I am reminded of my failure. I failed at keeping my family. I failed at staying meaningful to my beloved wife. I did not do anything wrong, I did my best, I am not guilty of anything but still, it was not good enough.

The grotesque part of it is that I am stuck. You see, I live in rural area. My kids go to school at 2 places, 15kms apart. We settled there because I wanted to fullfil my wife’s dream of living in the wonderful swiss Alps. But now, I can’t move. I can’t relocate without losing my kids. And God knows I am miserable in this place I chose for her.

After 4 years of not taking care of things, of abusing what I should not, I have decided to take a step and at least regain some control over this life. What’s left of it. It has been a week. It’s not much. But that’s something, right? I hope it is.

Take care of yourselves.

[Mno]

Becoming clean and sober isn’t the solution in itself. But it’s the first condition, the sine qua non, without a better life would not be possible for any of us. Congrats on making the right decision and on taking the first step Cleon.

Welcome to Talking Sober. Here we are in it together and that’s more than just a phrase. I hope this place and the people here can be as helpful to you as it and they have been to me and still are. Welcome again and all succes.

[Cleon]

Thank you. I appreciate. It has been a lonely 4y stretch to be honest.

[19801]

Hi @Cleon welcome to the forum and for one week sober .your story is not boring or unoriginal it’s unique to you and we are all here to support you. Maybe you didn’t deserve what happened to you I couldn’t tell you that, but you are here in this place in this time for a reason and you will be happy again you will thrive again and you will have peace. we take one day at a time and find joy in the present moment because that’s all we have looking back prevents our growth and nothing good ever got done in negativity so today your life can start . Count the blessings which you do have . Take a look at our gratitude thread and pick up the many tools we have on here for your recovery. I wish you well my friend and I’m glad you’ve joined us on our forum

[Cleon]

Alright. I am not sure about the policy about thread but I am gonna use this thread as a mini journaling. Right now it’s 6AM. And I am already called into a quite stressful 2h long meeting. I know today will be a struggle later as it progresses. Whether this meeting goes good or bad. That’s the issue with abuse. You always find an excuse or a reason. One day at a time, let’s push through it.

[Mischa84]

Good morning Clenton.
Its morning time where I live as well. Congratulations on first week sober, those early days are the worst one. I see you are not so happy with the place you live right now. We addicts usually have to find new hobby, something to fill up the time we would waste for drinking/using. Often its hiking, walking, running… You have perfect condition for it! I hope to see some fotos from beautiful Alps in the near future.
Stay strong
And welcome to TS.

[Mno]

Good morning Cleon. This is the perfect thread to journal in for you I’d say. Just as long as you consider the title with a bit of lighthearted sarcasm that is. I’m glad you’re here. Hoping to see your journey unfold as you go along. One day at a time indeed. Have a good one.

[Cleon]

Thank you Mischa. I actually do, I wake up usually at 5Am and go for a bike run. But not this morning with meeting at 6. And the rest of my day is fully booked until 10PM. So I know it will be a struggle today.

[Cleon]

Thank you. You too. There is of course a bit of sarcasm in the title. And sarcasm goes with a bit of truth as always: it is becoming a generic story in our world. I tried to beat the statistics and did do for the best part of 20+ y. But here I am. Yet another divorced middle age guy with a problem. I would not read that book even if it were on sales

[tailee17]

You May not read it but you can rewrite the ending any way you choose too. A happy life does not happen by luck only by change and choices you make. Sobriety is the best way.

[Cleon]

Today is another rough day. But it is still a day. I think my body is kind of rebelling of getting rid of alcohol. I got a bit of a rash, a bit of fever, eyes are a bit irritated. I did not expect this. Did anyone expérience the same? I am not sure it’s related. But if it is, how did I ever let things degrade that bad…

[Mno]

Alcohol is poison. Our bodies adapt to alcohol being in our systems the best they can. Taking alcohol out again causes the need for new adaptations. It’s work. You and your body are adapting. It’ll get better. Just keep going friend.

[Just_Laura]

I’m not sure if it’s related. I had all sorts of symptoms and sicknesses for a long time after I quit that I don’t know were alcohol related or not. It took months to normalize. Alcohol masked symptoms so often I didn’t always know when something was wrong. Now I can tell right away. I have alot more allergies than I thought Maybe it’s just a bug you’ve got, but I’d check with a doctor if it lingers. I will say, since quitting, I haven’t suffered any ailment worse than a hangover. Hang in there

[Cleon]

Thank you for your message Laura.

[Cleon]

Thank you!

[Cleon]

Today was not a great day. A lot of stressful situation, some angry customers. Late and early meetings with people around the world. But still I kept firm to my discipline. The temptations was great tonight to “have one” to relax. But no. In all the Chaos of the day, I guess it’s a small win I can take to the bank.

[tailee17]

Good job! Breathe! Go for a walk! Just suggesting. A drink honestly will do nothing and you will feel so much better NOT!

[Cleon]

Yesterday I had a business lunch. It’s astonishing to see that alcohol is so casual in those meetings in Europe. And you are suspicious if you don’t drink. I did not have a drink yesterday but since I was driving I could at least use this as a good reason - and yes you need to come up with a good reason otherwise your business lunch will turn into a deep introspection for your partners who will start questioning their own consumption instead of making business.

All in all it was ok for me. But it’s a situation I will face daily now. Every lunch, every dinner, every cocktail event, all those business things will turn into the battle of today.

[Merryshoes]

I’m in Europe also, specifically a winemaking country in the south. My experience is that people very quickly stop asking or even noticing. Even better, with people you come across regularly, they start incorporating your non-drinking into the events. Just on Wednesday, a friend who was having a casual get-together to mark her birthday had actually got a couple of NA beers for me, in among the regular ones. Also, I come across non-drinkers more and more often these days. We’re setting trends here!

Keep on, steady on. Sobriety is worth it! The best is just ahead, one day at a time. And yes, every single day is a WIN!

[Cleon]

Thank you for your kind words. It’s reassuring.