Exactly this 
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Interesting how people use your own story to prove how stronger than you they areā¦ Well, hope you feel much better about yourself after this post.
I feel good about myself because of the work I put into my recovery . I also avoid triggering environments
And belittling people is part of that work? Outstanding
Hi there.
I did not do anything wrong, I did my best, I am not guilty of anything but still, it was not good enough.
We are all substance abusers hereā¦ Donāt worry, we have all been the worst in relationships. We have had to take big and smaller responsibility for our harm, our contribution to the failiure in our relationships. Being able to identify our responsibility without the crushing shame or ego blockling our view was the success.
Also, have you ever watched Parks and Recreation? There is an amazing scene where Ron goes into a home hardware store, the clerk approaches him : āhi sir, do you need any help?ā and Ron answers āI know more than youā. Ron is an old school fellow, with many tricks up his sleeve and is handy in pretty much everything.
Iām saying this because i thought of this when you swatted away @KevinesKay advice. I urge you to reconsider the advice coming from a person of experience and solid insight.
Actually, many solid cautioning around work too on this thread. I appreciate your passion, I have the same, but my addiction is intricately linked to work, and for many many of us, it is.
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What part of my post was belittling you ?
I did not abuse any before I was discarded as garbage. I was a good husband and a good father. You assume that I must be guilty of something. Which is exactly what everybody think of men those days. Well, I was not.
And no I donāt watch this show.
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No, I dont assume youāre guilty of something, Iām highlighting that you see yourself as faultless and you tend to attribute blame outside yourself.
That mentality is a drunken mentality, so if youāre new to using, youāre in danger with these perspectives.
Take responsibility is not always about guilty of , but more what did i do to create my own circumstances, what can i do better for myself.
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Iām sorry but this is just wrong: I take responsibility when I am responsible. I have no problem with that. I am far from perfect thatās for sure. But I find all the lately interaction very judgemental here.
I must say this is really not what I expected from a community. I assumed that among us vulnerability was ok. Itās clearly not.
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Alright, I understand, but here, youāre not demonstrating this, and letās say we take the above quote, and what you write, where is your admission of responsibility?
I too felt like everyone here was an asshole and wrongly judgemental when i first got here. Not everyone is skilled also at giving feedback. But I promise, the majority want you to succeed in sobriety.
Keep telling us to go F ourselves, thats ok. Just keep trying to get sober.
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So, like in any other social media, you read 3 lines about one guy and you have him figure out.
Letās ignore the part I take responsibility for that relapse. It does not fit the narrative. Good lordā¦
I meanā¦ Common, someone you donāt know opens up. He shares. And all we got is :
- clearly he should quit his job, but of course.
- ah, he got divorced? must have deserved it based on the 3 lines I read about his life.
- he say he isnāt but commonā¦ Donāt we know those guysā¦ And itās his fault, he should plant more evidence of responsibility taking. Of course he should be ahead of potential criticismā¦
- and letās add a funny snarkly GIF while I am at itā so appropriate.
I think we should be better than that as a community. Is it really what we have to offer?
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Look, if this is what youāre getting from what I said, I will end trying and take down my gif. Its a way I express myself. I apologize for it.
Iām sorry youāre in pain. I have not experienced a divorce, much less one where someone left me. Not at all implying you ādeserveā anything bad.
This community is not for everyone, but if you give it a chance, itāll support you in ways you didnt see coming. It did for me.
Stay around, or donāt, I hope you continue on a sober path.
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Hello Cleon 
Iāve read through your thread and I want to congratulate you on your decision to be sober during this difficult life transition, which sounds quite drastic indeed. Big life changes, especially when theyāre unexpected, are so hard. I dove hard into my reliance on alcohol to cope when I quit my career due to burnout and then a few months later my husband was laid off from a lucrative engineering job requiring us to move across the country, all within a short period of time and all very jarring. While completely different circumstances from your own, I was grieving the loss of my network, proximity to anyone I could call a friend and a vibrant community. The isolation that followed was hardest. It sounds like we might relate on that point at least. Sending you my support in your efforts to pull yourself out of the isolating effects of alcohol - it just makes it worse. Iām glad you have your children to place some focus on - it sounds like you are a committed and caring parent. I would agree with @Mno that connection is important because isolation in a situation where alcohol has been involved as a coping mechanism is an added toxin, my two cents. But youāre here and I hope that is some connection for you. This place has been my only connection to people who could relate to my reliance on substances and it has made all the difference.
Iām glad you came here to start a personal journal and hope you continue. Iām glad that you push back when you feel you need to get back to your truth here. Your growth in your journey is your own, I think youāre well aware of that. One saying Iāve heard on this platform often is, ātake what you need and leave the rest.ā There are as many varying opinions here as there are people, perhaps there will be a gem here and there that youāll find useful but perhaps not. My only suggestion would be to come here when youāre feeling pushed to imbibe for whatever reason to find some grounding before picking up a drink. Even if it is just to read through your own thread or around the forum. It has helped me in the past to just read posts now and then as a reminder of why I am on this path.
Here is my very late welcome to the community and I look forward to keeping up with how youāre doing. Iām here if you ever need support.
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Thank you @RosaCanDo for your words of encouragement. I agree. I meet good people here and not so good one as well. Itās fair to assume that the distribution of goodness would remain identical within this community and also outside. I just forgot this.
We all come here I think people would be good and kind and caring and patient and respectful. Because thatās what we think people that share our struggle and come out should be. But the bell curve is the bell curve and I any human community youāll have one.
I am fighting the same battle as everyone else. And like everyone else, I have my own unique story. I tend to go through life not assuming anything about people I meet. I think itās a good policy and it avoids projecting our own views and limitations. Assuming that āhe does this for a job so he must be this or thatā always lead to terrible outcomes.
I appreciate also that you shared your story. Life must have been not easy at all.
Today is a good day though. My back is still killing me and I have still have COVID, and I still must work but all in all, itās still good. One day at a time
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So yesterday, I restarted sport again. My back still hurts but i figured out: maybe if I can get enough mobility into it, it will get better. Turns out it does. I did not do much. Barely 20min if lifting and 20min if cardio. Itās a far cry from what I used to do but itās a start. This morning the back was ok but I could not get up before 6am so my next sport session will have to be tonight.
Does it help with craving? Yes and no. It does when you do it. But after that, you feel wrongly like you ādeserveā some kind of reward so you have to fight it again but I know in the long run itās a good strategy.
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Iāve just read through this thread and wanted to throw my 2 cents. Maybeā¦ weā¦ should make it a general rule of the thumb to not suggest people leave their jobs? Especially not on this economy. I genuinely donāt know how anyone could be comfortable with potentially sharing that responsibility? Imagine if someone actually quits their job/files for divorce/leaves their family to āfind themselvesā in Bali based on advice they received from the nice sober people on the internet?
Weāre here for support and we do tend to be especially vulnerable in a community like this one.
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Thx Amy. I think the general rule I apply to myself is : āget a good picture first before taunting advicesā. And you canāt get a good picture from a few post on internet.
And thank you for reading through it
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