Nailed the test I think
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October 15th 2020
I’m back.
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Where you been Dutchie. Was beginning to worry bout you.
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I took a break since I spent too much time on here
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Glad you’re back!!
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Thanks, too bad I lost my regular status when I had myself suspended
I’m sure you’ll get it back in no time! Taking time for self care is the most important thing 
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Glad it was self imposed. And glad your back! Hope it helped
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I am such an idiot. I had to stock the freezer today and we are required to wear masks. In those circumstances it’s nearly impossible to see through glasses. I took off my glasses. I left work without my glasses 
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October 16th 2020
The day is young, but so far barely any self sabotaging. I did not procrastinate yet.
Today I’m going to work an 8 hour shift. I’ve never had an 8 hour school day, nor an 8 hour workday, so this is a very new experience for me. I’m curious as to how well it will go, but really happy with the structure in my day which counters the self sabotage
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October 20th 2020
I am feeling great. It’s been almost a week since I discovered that I hate(d) myself. The first few days after did not have much change, but now I’m feeling great. Yesterday I did my fucking homework. That’s great for me
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Well done!
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There is nothing to hate Jan, we all have flaws but you are open and honest and putting in the effort so you should be proud of yourself, I had absolutely no care or desire to better myself at your age and it’s an amazing privilege to watch you grow 
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Good job Jan
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October 26th 2020
The last two days I felt a slump coming yet again. But I had expected it as it was weekend.
My hygiene had worsened again. So last night I prayed and I asked God to help me with loving myself and help me fight my self-sabotage and with my hygiene. As a very doubtful teenager I have little trust in a God who allowed me to be hurt for so long, so I didn’t have trust in God in granting me the strength. And then I realized, if I have no faith, why would He help me, and if I have no faith, my strength has already taken a massive beating.
So I decided to have faith. God will help me and that’s the truth. I will brush my teeth tomorrow morning and that’s the truth.
All of a sudden I feel strong and hopeful. God is no longer just someone in the background, God is besides me.
Sorry if this doesn’t make any sense, I’m kinda new to not being ashamed of my faith.
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October 27th 2020
The last day I’ll use the train to go to school, it breaks down. The friggin train broke down. Now I’m gonna miss my favourite subject
That sucks, (sucked?). Hope school is going well otherwise.
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November 11th 2020
Still alive
I’m planning on restarting the self improvement. Currently it feels like I’ve lost all progress by moving and my self sabotage is almost flowing freely again. Self image doesn’t seem as affected as previously though.
November 30th 2020
Good morning everyone. I’m unable to get out of bed. So I’m writing this to keep myself accountable and get my ass out of bed and it seems to be working
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Rise and Shine Jan!!! Up up up up! 
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