One year sober and it’s not like I imagined it would be. I guess no one promised me fast cars and a quiet cabin in the hills or anything beyond serenity for that matter.
All the better. I’d likely have wrapped the car around a tree and languished in isolation anyway. 
I didn’t know what I really wanted other than to be free from the chain of addiction.
Somewhere out there @MandiH is asking what change we notice most. Lately for me it’s compassion though it feels like it still doesn’t come out right often enough.
It’s said in my rooms, “We will love you until you can love your self.” That sounded strange, feeling “me” was the only thing I loved though for some reason I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror.
Following the leader, doing as they did, I found wholesale change. Respecting the traditions I don’t often do details here, but I am an AA and worked/work the steps. It’s working for me.
From that, the day I finally empathized with the man in the mirror broke down a barrier I didn’t know was there. I was no longer worried about him. I found a profound love again for the struggles and successes of the people around me.
They had loved me until I could love others again. And that was nothing short of a miracle.
Now any material concerns I have are blessings I have to pass the time. Frankly I still suck at knowing what to do with them, but they don’t trouble me or move me to drink. They work out with time if I do my part. As @siand pointed out to me recently, perhaps getting more comfortable in the moment. And isn’t that what we strive for?
I’m more interested in how you’re doing and only want it to be well. I still have an awkward way of showing it sometimes, if outwardly at all. Know that you are what moves me most deeply.
If you’re reading this, you have kept me sober and are teaching me how to live a better life. And for that I thank you. 
