This part of the story has the same theme as mine - “It’s not the booze”. And for so long as I refused to acknowledge, or at least entertain the idea, for that long could I not work on the solution.
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This reading brings me back to the insanity. Always spending more than I had to spare on alcohol as it was a “necessity”. Having the shakes. Waking up sick. Being unable to eat without drinking first. The short stints of sobriety, only to fall back off the wagon. The dangerous thought I could “control” my drinking. And, just like in this story, things gradually just get worse-they never get better in active use. I had high resolve too, and still wound up drunk again-just like he did. Over and over again. It honestly makes me feel ill to remember all of this so vividly now.
I remember vividly realizing that if I kept drinking, I would die like my dad and my aunt did. I’d be leaving my son without his mom, just like my dad did. And that broke my heart. There were many days I woke up not caring if I did, but when really faced with the realization my body was shutting down and what my fate was if I kept going, it was eye opening enough for me to begin my journey. The gift of desperation had me trying something different, as I found this community and really began to talk to other alcoholics. And this is what saved me from going back out in the beginning. I absolutely could not do it on my own.
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Your first paragraph, I could have written exactly that myself.
I’ve read Bill’s story about three times recently, and this section identifies for me the inevitable downward spiral that drinking is, the destruction of self that it demands. The powerlessness I felt, that feeling of being strapped into a rollercoaster car against my will, that comes back to me strongly with each reading.
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My home group is a step study where we reference the book each week in going through the steps. Other group is a big book study where they read first 164 pages a bit at a time from start to finish over several weeks.
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I so identify. When I reached the point of it owning my mind and it becoming a daily priority was when the dark days began. I had no one, or so I felt, to check in with or be accountable to. I had quit my job and had lots of cash saved & my thoughts were just-- might as well stay in fuck it land.
After nearly a year of that I’d become a hermit, leaving the property only to go get more booze every few days. When I’d shower It was with a beer, or whatever I had grabbed to join me and when I was done I would see myself in the mirror and have a sobbing session and then go into rage of how I had become.
I tried three times to detox at home alone, each with worse physical withdrawals and hallucinations. Typically only making it 2-3 days.
Lost in my mind I began to drive drunk daily with no seatbelt hoping to end it all into a tree or off a cliff. The law & other entities saw my need for help and escorted me to the door but I had to open it.
Rehab & the fellowship of AA were what brought me out of my oblivion. Really glad I’m here and not dead in a ditch.
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I’m glad you are here too Smitty!!! Thank you for sharing this, it’s a powerful share! It makes me think of what @SinceIAwoke wrote too-feeling powerless on that rollercoaster, against our own will. But, we CAN recover! Thank you both for sharing your experiences with us.
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This week we continue with Bill’s story. Last week we felt the powerlessness and dispair if addiction. This week, there’s a whole new energy that comes in with sobriety! 
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This section always reminds me of my own life.
First, I didn’t really want to listen to those who found sobriety before me. I’d judge and say it was some crazy notion or method (especially if it could be construed as religions) and I’d find alllll the ways to pick it apart and how I knew best.
When I first got sober, I even started following an idea this lady created, which didn’t follow AA. Instead she promoted moderation…and then I learned she not only died drinking and driving but took two additional lives to the grave with her. Turns out, my own refusal to change and listen to those with decades of sobriety easily could have taken me back out, and with a lot more damage to all around me.
I’d meet up with friends and family in sobriety. They would tell me how great I looked and some even said how proud they were of me, and then they’d hope I’d have a drink with them. I’d share my story if they wanted to hear it and some did, but others just wanted their drinking buddy back instead of living in the solution. This actually still happens, 7 years later. But I stand firm in my conviction.
Just like in the story, God had done for me what I couldn’t do for myself. But I needed to be able to have my own conception of God when I came into AA. I couldn’t be told exactly what that had to be, because that never worked for me. I needed a little freedom to not have it be the God I couldn’t connect with. I needed to have my higher power meet me where I was. That’s changed over time for me. At first, a Group of Drunks was a good God connection for me. There was power in working with others. And as I surrendered to do what worked for others, not only have I stayed sober but I’ve also grown in a huge way spiritually. As it says at the end, “Scales of pride & prejudice fell from my eyes. A new world came into view.” But I needed these pioneers to show me the way by having them successfully go first.
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It’s good for me to read this. And I need to be reminded of the isolation of my drinking days. I remember for me that was some of my worst times is when I quit my job And I still had money and a apartment and I really know what that’s like to be locked away and only leaving for alcohol. When you’re drinking 24 seven and you have no obligations that’s when you really become physically addicted to the liquor and those mornings are terrifying especially when you’re getting up before the store opens and you’re not sure if you’re going to make it. Shaking from head to toe, extremely jumpy, drenched in sweat, paranoid and frightened. Knowing you need six or seven shots to feel somewhat OK. So incredibly grateful I’m not dealing with that anymore. And I definitely know what you mean about the police, or a judge, or family intervention pushing me towards recovery but it wasn’t till I literally exhausted all my options and ran out of ways to run away from my problems that’s when I really was able to get help. For myself
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I am really grateful you are doing this! While I don’t share, I do read and learn. Thank you. 
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Thank you for sharing that, I appreciate you! 
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We used to do something similar in the Lincoln BB study group.
We’d go around the room taking turns in reading part of the chapter we were studying.
Then after the break we’d share on it or be able ask questions about lines, phrases or paragraphs.
We found it an excellent way for our Oldies, but Goldies, to share their ESH and knowledge.
&
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Basically the whole of BWs story is about his ESH and about help.
But this final part points out that you really need help, going it alone usually doesn’t work.
Especially from your HP, and alone time to connect with it*, without distractions.
When you connect to it* you ask for its help, and please believe me, it’s never refused.
It goes on the make the salient point that most, not all, will need a detox, again asking for help.
He goes on to say that it is essential to help others as you’ve been helped.
Not anything from the reading, but:-
“Work with other Alcoholics before they have to work on you”.
It also shows that the support from the one who is ‘nearest and dearest’ to you will do nothing but strengthen your cause.
The benefits of service is also here, although it’s a bit subtext and takes a bit of reading between the lines.
There’s a shit load of other points, which are of course amplied in other chapters, especially ‘How It Works’.
&
- It = he, she, it, them, those or they, take your pick.
My first Sponsor told me, “Your HP can be almost anything, just as long as it isn’t you”.
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I know for myself it’s hard to highlight things in my big book because every line or sentence feels powerful. Just in these three pages you posted there is gold every sentence. There is a solution is also one of my favorite chapters of the big book. It comes down to a lot but basically the fact that in Alcoholics Anonymous I can relate to the other person pretty quickly.. even if we are completely different personality types or come from different backgrounds or bottoms but because of the insanity of my alcohol choices in the past and what I’ve gone through it doesn’t take long of a conversation to relate to another alcoholic and feel the trust to be honest. It really is that simple that working together keeps us sober. I have a brief understanding of how Alcoholics Anonymous was started but I definitely would like to know more about the history especially the Oxford group and what it was like in the beginning when it was only like 100 people. It really is an amazing program and for the longest time to be honest one of my biggest resentments was alcoholics anonymous because for years when I would relapse in the back of my head I just heard all of these AA writings and quotes and a seed was planted a long time ago and I knew there was a better way to live but I wasn’t willing to work the steps with a sponsor or take suggestions. It was definitely half measures until I had no other choice but to completely commit because my life and freedom depends on it
Ps: Thanks for this thread. I will definitely start following along when you post. I’ve had a lot of big books over the years but I have a reprint of the original 1939 edition currently that also has the original stories from the pioneers
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I can relate to so much of this.
I did NOT want to join AA when I first got sober. I thought it was good it worked for everyone else, but I was unique and I didn’t need that. Ha! I thought I had it all on my own. And the truth was, sure my willpower kept me sober for a while but even with some changes made, I was still pretty miserable. I was repeating the same patterns in relationships where I chose men who didn’t choose me, I was judgemental of people who still drank, I was isoalted and my world was getting smaller. Until one night when I asked whoever was out there in the universe listening to my plea for help to show me the way because I could finally see I was the problem and common denominator and had no idea how to fix me. The next morning I was brought to AA in a series of events where I knew it was nothing short of an undeniable divine miracle. I finally became willing to try life a new way. And it paid off in a huge way, and still does. It works if I work it.
I’m so SO grateful that these two men started this program to help SO many of us live life in a new way and recover. This chapter is the beginning of the solution and that’s exactly what I needed to not only save my life, but to make it one truly worth living.
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Here’s where it began to click for me in the beginning. Others were suffering just like me? I wasn’t special & didn’t have a special case of the fuck its… And then, if I shared my experiences with others they’d do the same and we would feel undstood, grow healthier and happier. It gave me the courage to stop living in the land of Smitty and doing for others first. Life is really good now thanks to this simple program.Thanks for listening, freinds.
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Thanks for sharing some of your story. I feel like it’s pretty normal to try every other thing until eventually you realize maybe I should just do all of the things they’ve been suggesting for years. Like I said I’m grateful that you created this thread and I’m looking forward to future postings and will try to read and post about whatever it is.
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