So there are a few reasons why im extremely hesitant to go to an AA meeting:
I read through The Big Book a little bit and I don’t like the emphasis on surrendering to an addiction and admitting your powerless. I feel like it has an extremely negative connotation that way and it’s phrased in a negative way. If anything we are more powerful than this addiction and standing up against it to kick its ass!
I don’t like the whole higher power thing. I know that your higher power can be anything, not necessarily God but I just can’t connect to that. To be honest, I feel like my sober self is my own higher power.
I don’t like to define myself as alcoholic, I’m super uncomfortable with that term and I can’t say that I can apply it to myself. I binge drink, yes. I definitely have used alcohol to cope in the past and I used to mentally and emotionally depend on it as a crutch. More recently, I binge drink because since working through my problems I’ve become a happy, fun, bubbly person instead of a depressed, suicidal person. But the term alcoholic doesn’t personally feel right to me.
This might be a silly reason but living in a resort town, 99% of the local are either current or recovering addicts so I know that I will know other people in the meeting and that makes me super uncomfortable.
The only reason I even occasionally think about AA is because it would be nice to have sober friends who engage in sober activities for once! Plus, having a sponsor seems really helpful - to have a person who is by your side, who you can call if you are struggling, and who knows first hand what it’s like.
I know the topic of AA is huge on the forum but I just wondered if anyone had any feedback.
We have a “We Agnostics” meeting here in my hometown. My first go-round with sobering up, that’s where I went 99% of the time, since I’m not big on religious things. Their take on the higher power thing was just finding that thing that you can rely on, or go to, in a time of need…which, I just used my guitar, as weird as that may sound. If I felt like having a drink, I’d go down to the basement, crank my amp and riff for a while.
I believe Chapter 4 of the Big Book is on We Agnostics, if you haven’t made it that far…but it’s been a while since I’ve read it, so I can’t swear by that. If you can find a We Agnostics meeting, I’d say take it for a test drive.
I wish I could put you in contact with the one old timer we have. 41 years sober and absolutely does not do the higher power thing. Like not even a little bit. Higher Power or not the dude has good sobriety and works the program. He uses the program as his higher power and the people in the rooms.
No one there is going to call you an alcoholic. They only call themselves that. Only you can decide that you are an alcoholic.
We have all the power in the world not to pick up that first drink. Once we pick that drink up all bets are off. For me the surrender occurred when I admitted I couldn’t do it alone and asked for help.
I will say it’s a lot about mindset. If you want the program to work and follow suggestions it will work. If you go in with the mindset that you just want to find problems with the program that’s what you will find. Trust me I tried to only work parts of the program before and I relapsed.
Will try to elaborate more later, but here are a few quick thoughts.
We are powerless over the first drink. Step one uses the past tense, i believe, for a reason. By not picking up that first drink, we take back the power alcohol has over our lives. Unmanageability doesn’t have to mean drinking bum wine out of a paper sack. Your life can be unmanageable b/c drinking prevents you from living the life you want to live. Being the better you.
The god thing is hard – but IMO and IME I cannot do this alone. I needed something bigger than me-- what I did got me where it did – my bottom. That being said, your higher power could be nothing more than the Group Of Drunks in the room. That alone has saved a many of people.
The only requirement for membership is a desire to quit drinking as @Gabe.G said. Nothing more. I will say, alcoholic, as used in the rooms has a much different connotation in the rooms than out.
I think I know the town. Yes, definite drinking culture. But all that matters is you. Once you come to peace with you, everyone else won’t matter.
Group
Of
Drunks.
Many people have used this as their HP. The rooms and the people in them is a very powerful thing. And is absolutly a power greater than myself. Here’s a couple more…
Good
Orderly
Direction
Gratitude
Open mindedness
Dedication
I know there’s more. I just can’t seem to remember them right now. But it does go to show that there are no “rules” or “requirements” on any of it. @DowntroddenGoat is right on the powerless thing. We are only powerless AFTER the first drink. After the first we can’t garentee what happens from there. We lose control of the outcome after the first cuz we don’t really know how that movie will end
Regarding the powerless over alcohol, i used to feel the same way, but @Gabe.G had said on some other thread quite awhile ago. The way he/others interperet that is, we are powerless over alcohol ONCE we take that first drink, not powerless over it period.
When he said that it allllll kind of clicked for me. Because its sure as shit the absolute truth for me.
I know an old timer in my meetings who introduced herself as, “Hi, I’m Ann and I’m in recovery.” She does not definitely herself as an alcoholic, but she’s been sober and coming to meetings for over 20 years. For her, her higher power is the collective wisdom of people in the rooms and the grace that comes with helping others stay sober.
I did some research and looked up SMART and it really resonates with me. They have an online forum too and there are in person meetings about 40 minutes from me. I think I’m going to try it out online, get the handbook, and try out the free worksheets to see if it fits with me.
This is the first time I’m trying anything besides Talking Sober. I’m not sure how much I’ll involve myself in the online forum yet and I’m not ready for meetings right off the bat but I did order the handbook and got a few worksheets online that I’m excited to look at. I just feel like I need a little bit more concrete direction this time to stay dedicated to why I’m staying sober. I think that in addition to talking sober will really help:)
I have a SMART workbook. I’ve done an in person meeting and I think the experience varies from location to location. It’s relatively new where I live and as such there was not much sobriety in the room. I think SMART would be good worked in addition to therapy, counseling or even AA.
Everyones recovery is different! I believe that whole heartedly… I currently go to AA and have a sponsor. Which in SMART they use recovery coachs, same thing, just different name… But do what works for you. But how do you know its not going to work if you dont try it ya know… like said, try it and if you dont like it, dont go back. But i do guarentee you, whatever meeting you do go to, you will take something from. Look for the simularites and not the differences… I know in my area the SMART meetings, they just sit there and bs honestly, thats what ive been told anyways. So if you get to a meeting where you dont get anything from it, make sure you hit a different one. I just wanted to be sure to throw that out there. Because all meetings are different. They have the same readings in the beginning, but every meeting itself is different… let us know what you end up trying and keep us posted please!
WV is like the recovery capital of the world right now. Our SMART meetings do not seem nearly as organized as yours. I didn’t even know about recovery coaches
I have a “sponsor” that is 10 years sober and not in AA. I am not either, and will not go that route this time around. It’s not for everyone, but it it sure does have incredible success rates. SMART is one avenue I’m exploring along with individual therapy. I’m changing my lifestyle, friends, and anything else that will lead me towards success. I think the bottom line is, if your really want to get sober, you will. It’s not easy, so having a strong support system is imperative.