AA wasn’t for me …. Until it was

Your Story
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My first interaction with AA was 2006. My sobriety date is in 2017. So clearly I did not go to AA and immediately get sober.

My first stint was court ordered. I arrived with 0 desire to stop drinking. Not only was I still dedicated to drinking I was completely resentful of AA before I walked in the door. I was too young (21), I didn’t have a problem (minus the arrests), fuck that God shit, fuck these bums in the room, and fuck that judge were some of the things I was saying in my head as I was getting stoned in the parking lot before the meeting. I was thoroughly convinced that even if I did want to stop, AA wasn’t the way to do it. So armed with all the knowledge of a 21 year old arrogant punk I left that meeting with a pocket full of confirmation bias. I left the meeting with as much as a desire to drink as when I went in. AA was no magic bullet for this guy,

Fast forward 10years until my next meeting. In that decade I had enough consequences pile up to start to think that maybe I need some help. After I got out of rehab I tried the buffet style AA. And it was good, for like a minute. It was good for getting my girlfriend off my back. It was good for convincing my family that I was trying super duper hard and that they should forgive me. And eventually it became good cover for going to meet the dope man. Again I started to coo that resentment against AA. I was pretty pissed that attending 3 meetings a week didn’t magically make my life perfect. Like how dare they promise me a life beyond my wildest dreams (turns out I missed the part about putting in the work) and not deliver. Again armed with the knowledge that AA doesn’t work I set off back into full blown relapse.

Fast forward to roughly 18 months later as I crawl out of my third rehab a completely broken person. I no longer had these delusions that I somehow knew best. I had been granted the gift of desperation. In my rehabs they always stressed that AA works, I had talked to plenty of people who have gotten and stayed sober through AA. But this time, rather than scoff and sneer and say this isn’t for me, I crawled back into the rooms with an open mind, and open heart. Rather than tell myself all the reasons why AA wasn’t for me, I focused on the reasons it would work. Rather than sitting back and waiting for recovery to come and find me, I dove headfirst into the sobriety pool.

Flash forward almost 5.5 years and I have been granted every single promise that AA has made to me. I have that life beyond my wildest dreams. I have been placed in a position of neutrality regarding alcohol problem. I can go anywhere and do anything so long as I maintain my spiritual fitness. I no longer crave the drink or drug.

I am a recovered alcoholic. Not bad for a guy who was thoroughly convinced AA wasn’t for me… until it was.

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For me i went to AA and i was home got it right away luck i dont know all i wanted to do was get sober , great example Derek that AA does work if you want it keep on trucking

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The first time i tried AA i left with an even stronger desire to drink than i did when i went in. All those people, looking at me, judging me. I didnt belong. I didnt fit in because i wasnt good enough and they all knew it. They all hated me.
Or so my illness was telling me anyway…
I was so sick at the beginning, i went to rehab and kept trying…if it had worked for all those people then it might just work for me.
I started getting better and those feelings that i was the most important yet the most hated person in the room started to fade and it turns out i fit right in with a room full of alcoholics :sweat_smile:
I cant NOT go to a meeting now. They keep me well, the sickness starts to creep in if i dont go i can feel it. AA is my medicine…im so glad i kept trying.

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I tried AA about 2018 a couple times. Sobbed my way thru then went to the shop to pick up booze because “i wasnt as bad as them”.

Fast forward to 2022 and i was gifted with desperation. I saw happy people in the rooms. I wanted to be happy. I was advised to keep an open mind and find the similarities. I got a sponsor, worked the steps and attend meetings regularly. I feel like i have found my people. We’re people who otherwise wouldnt associate but are bonded by our desire to beat our addiction.

I dont believe in the christian god and found plenty of space to explore what my higher power is. I pray others will give AA a try because its fucking miraculous when the promises keep coming true!

Coming up on 11 months sober for the first time after 20 years of bad decisions and booze.

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This is so well written and on point Derek. Thank you! AA has been the foundation for my sobriety.

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“Pocketful of confirmation bias.” Right on. The Promises have absolutely materialized for me since becoming sober AND embracing recovery as the beautiful way of life that it is. Derek, very powerful message. I hope it motivates others to give AA a try. It’s one of the most inclusive groups I’ve ever been a part of. I repeat. . . one of the most INCLUSIVE groups I’ve ever belonged to, all forms/versions of a higher power welcome!

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Hey Derek, thanks for such an honest post. I was introduced to AA during rehab.
It was not placed on the front burner so we had to ask to go. After shopping around for a few months, I found my home group and now I’m content.

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First time I went in I knew I was ready and was one step ahead of everyone, this was going to be great telling everyone how to stay sober, after all I was on day 3… I came back drunk a week later and everyone else was still sober.
I was so embarrassed and yet this time I was made to feel even more welcome than the first time. No one judged me, they all knew me, a few simple suggestions later and here I am. Enough ego removed to keep me sober for today and enough humility gained to know my place in the pecking order… I’ll never know it all but I’ll share what I got given.

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Thanks Derek!

I went to AA with no expectations at all. The only thing I knew was that I had enough. I would do anything to get sober. Turns out, I found friends, a tool kit for sobriety, and felt less isolated. I also heard other people’s stories and wisdom, that gave me so much strength and hope for the future. You do the work and you reap the rewards! Doing the steps was incredible helpful and helped me be more self aware. Especially the 4th and 5th steps.

I don’t credit AA for getting me sober, but I absolutely 100% credit AA for keeping me sober. I enjoy my meetings and continuing to try and help folks that were in the same situation I was when I walked in.

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A requirement to “graduate” IOP was to attend a few meetings. I thought I had nothing in common with those people and went there with the mindset that I’d fulfill the requirement and never go back. Turns out I had a lot in common. Made some great friends and stay involved with activities and service. AA has taught me how to live an amazing sober life. I love the saying… “I went to AA for my drinking and stayed for my thinking.”

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I went to AA meetings a couple of times. I could not, or I felt, that I did not fit in the group. All the talking about the things they could not do anymore… I needed the positive vibes and actions. It helped me though that they were people like me, as in clean, taking care of and normal. When I joined this community one of the members said “who are you calling normal”. I often think of that.

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Visited NA/AA a couple of times in 2012 and decided it was not for me. I thought I was still functioning, had a job and sometimes a partner. In te next ten years I switched partners and jobs regularly thinking that was the issue. Next to this I had another 3 rehabs. Until I hit total desperation and realized my alcoholism let to insane behavior. Stayed sober for 18 months before I knew I need more and started joining AA/NA again. After another 6 months I started to work on the steps with a sponsor. Currently finishing up step one at 27 months sober. Eachone has it’s own process and this is mine.

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I’ll give my opinion. I absolutely think there are SOOO many support groups available today that can provide necessary tools and community to get and stay sober. I’ve looked at and participated in many including Recovery Dharma, TLC, Recovery 2.0 and I’ve read some of the SMART materials. This is a new age, if you will, for those seeking sobriety and a new way of life.

I think Derek’s post and the responses are making a great point though. AA has itself as a group been labeled as religious, patriarchal and too “old school” by many who have never even tried it or went to one meeting looking for differences versus similarities. I do try to gently correct people making those observations, especially if they are in constant relapse mode. Fact of the matter is that AA meetings are available everywhere and at any time of the day. AA has been crucial for me to develop my spiritual connection to a higher power that not only supports my sobriety but my day to day living life on life’s terms with dignity and compassion (most of the time). Also, there is significant overlap of principles and practices used between all of the recovery program options out there, just slight tweaks to resonate with people in different ways. Indeed, it’s a great day and age to be getting sober. Lots of options. AA and TLC were and are my communities as well as TS, but I’m also attending a Buddhist 12 Step meeting today and love to add to my supports.

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Thanks @LeeHawk

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Thanks Derek! Yep, a cup of AA & TS every day keeps this alcoholic brain right where it needs to be, in the middle with the rest of my fellows.

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I can relate to a lot of this, this is a good post Derek!

I didn’t want to go to AA when I first got sober. I thought that I had this all on my own. Riiiight. I went with a girlfriend to 4 meetings. It was in a church, the big book talked about god, they held hands and prayed…I left early every meeting to avoid that. I didn’t want to be there, but I remembered how much power there was in that room as there were many people there with decades of sobriety. I didn’t know anyone else in my life who had that outside of AA. I think a part of me knew I belonged there too, because I had a REALLY hard time going through those doors. I wanted to vomit. I heard my own story being told and I saw a woman there who I said if I ever did the steps it would be with her.

Fast forward almost 2 years later. The pandemic came. I was sober but even though I had started making changes in my life and left my shitty relationship, I saw I was still repeating old patterns. I wasn’t really happy, I was just isolated and had no idea how to change anything else. The gift of desperation came and I asked whatever power was out there listening to me to show me what I needed to do.

The very next morning, someone from AA reached out and asked if I’d ever considered zoom meetings with the pandemic. I said hell no, I have not… and then remembered what I asked for the night before. I didn’t even realize what I was saying when it came out but I said I was 2 years sober and felt like I was missing something by not doing the steps. He had his wife reach out that day, and that was the lady I saw in the meetings that I knew I was meant to do the steps with. It was obvious this is where I belonged so I was ALL in at that moment. I surrendered. And thank god for that because I honestly don’t think I would have been able to stay sober in the pandemic without that.

There’s been a few times I’ve thought that I could be “done” with AA. My higer power steps in literally almost instantly on the rare occasion this has happened. One time, I decided I was “too busy” for it. My work computer went down and this AA speaker video popped up simultaneously on my phone. Instead of listening to it, I said ok I’ll work on my side business. That computer went down too. Both, black screens. I knew that couldn’t be a coincidence. So, I surrendered and listened to that AA speaker. She spoke about getting out of the program and going to church instead. She ended up ramming her car into someone else in the name of Jesus. She surrendered and went back to AA.

Another time I moved to my new dream house. Sometimes the gifts that sobriety brings us out if we stop doing what it took to obtain them. Again, I thought I was “too busy”. I found a bottle of homemade vanilla in the move that I had from years prior that I created with vodka & vanilla beans. Well, I actually found 2…one partial and one full one. I dumped the partial one and my intuition immediately told me to dump the second one. I said no way, that’s good & expensive vanilla! Plus my girlfriend was coming over in a few days and I intended on giving it to her. Later, the sneaking, cunning and baffling voice started…You’re out here all alone and no one would ever know if you drank that. I was almost 4 years sober and that sneaky voice came out of no where. The next morning I was on the phone with my sponsor and I heard this smash in the kitchen. Somehow from on top of the cabinets where there was NOTHING that could have touched that bottle, the top and bottom were together with the middle smashed out and booze was everrrrrywhere for me to clean up. Good lesson there, I end up with a mess to clean up if I don’t listen the first time.

My higher power steps in when I try to get in my own way. I ask for guidance all day every day and when I try to take the wheel back is always when I have the option to land somewhere I don’t want to be. So, I keep coming back. I’m actually getting ready to head into a meeting as we speak.

I’m grateful to be a recovering alcoholic and to have this program of action. It truly is a design for living and by practicing these principals in all my affairs, my life is a million times better than it was. It isn’t always perfect, I have a lifetime of things that I’m still changing and reprogramming but I’m thankful I surrendered and allowed AA to help me in my sobriety. My best thinking kept me sick, I needed this new way of life. :heart:

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That’s absolutely crazy AND I believe every word. In fact, I think things like that were even happening in our drinking days but we were too disconnected to notice.

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For sure!! I never used to believe so I was oblivious to what was possible. Now I literally ask every single morning for my HP to show me the way and to make it clear and obvious. I definitely need that! Ask and you shall receive. :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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It’s almost like you just got crushed enough times by your own actions before you realised that the offer of help was a good thing, and accepted it

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So well put… Newly sober folk …take note…don’t let GOD keep you from exploring this powerful program that has proven results time and time again. AA is not a religious practice… only opens the door for you to find spiritual comfort and strength to fight your addiction.

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