Hey There, I’m a Young lady from Holland struggling with a smoking addiction. My writing in English is not that good but I’m trying to write as clear as possible. I’ve been 3 years clean till about a year ago. I’ve been to a rehab clinic 4 years ago and leaving the clinic I never taugt I would relapse. Well I did and it was the most terifying experience EVER… Feelin like you’ve been caught in a mole you cant get out of, no matter How hard you try. Its like the harder I Tried the more I end up in that damn coffeeshop. The weirdest part about the addiction is that youre maKing a decision to buy and use your drug of choice. But deep down inside Its not what you really want. But once I take the first, I have no control over myself and the situation anymore. I was a complete mess, feelin ashamed, insecure, not able to talk about it and not strong enough to face the reality. Untill I realize that I’veel become the old me again, that miserable person thats mean to others, arogant, manipulative, obsessed and destructive in ever wat you cant imagine . I relapse almost for a year long, becauseI was to ashamed to ask for help. But im at the point where I have to make a decision and stands by it by any means nessecary, because I know I can.
Last week I went to a NA meeting for the first time in years, after the meeting I found myself back in the coffeeshop again. Its even embarresing for me to write it down. But I know that no matter what, as long as I keep working thè steps it Will work out for me. This is my second Day without smoking any joints or sigarettes. I can use any advice or support I can get, thank you so much for reading this.
My heart goes out to all People struggling with addiction