I think it is very easy to get caught up in terminology. I try and avoid it. Alcoholism is a tricky thing to define.
I never drank every day, had good relationships, decent job, generally a good life. But drinking was a problem for me and so not drinking is a straightforward solution to that problem!
Any exclusion you may face is temporary. If being sober kills friendships, you will make new ones. It gets easier 
It’s easy to get hung up on “what is an alcoholic?”
What took me years to understand was that it’s not restricted to the down and out on the park bench with a brown paper bag.
Towards the end I drank every day all day from waking up till going to bed. Yet I had a job, where I built things, things that are still standing! 
Nice car, house and family.
Didn’t fit with my idea.
Now over a year sober I don’t care if I don’t fit with the “social norms” and I haven’t been excluded from anywhere through my choices.
My friends in the pub still talk to me and include me in everything.
Start by stopping, that’s the hardest part, then you can start changing how you think about alcohol.
Okay and yes that is true, it is what alcohol does. Im very aware, but yes as you say for some its okay. I glad you Arent offended - thx god, i got a bit worried
I was able to moderate for a while, but it was a slippery slope that always ended up in the same place. No amount of rules or moderation worked for me.
I had an experience at work where I told my colleagues I was doing dry January. Near the end of the month a few of them made a show of arranging after work drinks in front of me and not inviting me. Schoolboy stuff but they wanted me to know I wasn’t being invited. I’m quite shy so wouldn’t go to a pub, or out socialising in general sober. I realise that’s my cross to bear, and it’s great you have friends that don’t exclude you but for others that risk is very real.
My belief is that real friends will support you.
Work colleagues, I do not class as real friends. And if they want to exclude you then that’s their loss my friend.
That’s the way you should be looking at this. Because you are the one that matters. Not the feelings of someone who probably doesn’t even think about you when they are home.
I’m definitely an all-or-nothing person.
After many attempts, I gave up my 30-a-day cigarette habit in 1999. I’d attempt to stop, and could achieve a month here and there. Something would trigger me, and I always started back with menthols, cuz they’re not real, right? Then ‘lights’. Within a few weeks I was always back to where I was before I stopped.
With alcohol, I know it would only be days. Moderation is not an option for me, and I worked too hard to get to triple digits alcohol free!!
NOTE: Been chewing nicotine gum since 1999. Next addiction to deal with, but not yet 
I had a problem with meth, but addiction is addiction nonetheless. I thought, after almost 90 days sober, that I could just do a little dope here and there when I was tired and needed to get my house clean. I knew better. I knew I wouldn’t get a damn thing clean except a small spot on the floor at best, but I let my addiction talk me into getting some anyway. I was immediately regretful just holding the little bag. I didn’t want it as soon as I got it, but I couldn’t get rid of it either. I tried throwing it in the trash, but went and dug it out just before the trash was picked up. Another week went by of me trying to use in moderation, but I could tell everyone knew, and they were disappointed, and I was embarrassed and longed to be sober, but the nagging little bag of dope kept telling me just a little was fine and it would be beneficial if I used it. It was wrong. I let my loved ones down. I didn’t accomplish anything except a reset in my sober time. What a fucking bummer it was. I wish I had been stronger. I finally trashed it and haven’t even considered getting more. I would recommend not throwing away all of what you’ve worked hard to achieve. It is a really shit feeling.
Read your own text Ally because the answer is there already. Loud and clear. Thanks for reinforcing my own sober path and I say that absolutely free of sarcasm.
It’s interesting because just last night I could smell my husband’s glass of wine while we watched the Oscars. I thought to myself “it would be really nice to watch this with a glass too”. But I got real with myself. I know damn well I would not have had 1 glass. It would have been 4 or 5 in a very short time and I likely would ya e been passed out on the couch as they announced the winner for best picture. Moderation is just not in me. It’s all or nothing.
I just need to say a HUGE thanks to everyone for opening up and debating this with me. A lot of you are very right - I do think it’s my alcoholic mind trying to trick me, and I do also think I’m only thinking about it because other stuff in my life is going on, and I’m missing life being ‘easy’
It’s not bad stuff though, it’s good - I have a new job, I’m moving closer to my family, a lot is happening and it’s all a bit stressful, so I think deep down my mind just wants that release again. I still find it very difficult to release what I’m feeling, and alcohol was always an easy fix, so I guess that’s why my mind is trying to draw me back to it.
Abstinance really is the only way. Everyday diabetics have to watch their friends eating various foods I bet they wish they could eat, but they don’t have a choice, and alcoholics don’t either. At the end of the day putting something in your body that does you harm can kill you. I have to remember that.
Thanks again to everyone, this has really helped me and I hope if anyone else is feeling similarly they got something from this too. This forum is truly amazing.
It really helped me when I was able to reframe what alcohol was and what it REALLY brought to my life. Many of us like to think alcohol makes social situations easier to navigate, makes us fun, relaxes us…but the reality at least for me, was that alcohol made me depressed and anxious, made me do really dumb things, was brutal to my self confidence and self esteem and was propelling me to ruin my marriage…among lots of other shitty things. Once I was fully able to recognize that alcohol TOOK from my life and added nothing positive, it was easier to wrap my head around abstinence. 
I cannot moderate anything but that’s my personal experience.
If you want to try it go ahead and if you need to come back you’ll be welcomed with open arms
Some words of wisdom right there. 
I will actually write it down in my notebook. 
“When i enjoyed it, i couldn’t control it, and when i controlled it, i couldn’t enjoy it.”
That’s about where I’m at.
I have gone 3 years without drinking, picked it up again and it was the same cycle.
If its something you can control, great! But if it’s not, I’d say staying away is best. If there are certain reasons you quit, maybe think about those.
Possible exclusion was a fear of mine too. Hasn’t happened. Is not likely going to happen to you by ppl that are actually worth your while. Your tastes will change.
My wife has been sober with me lately. She stated she hated being sober at times but does it for me. Which I appreciate.
However, she wants to drink in the future and would like it if I joined.
I worry about the future.
I have looked up moderation courses and rehabs I might attend later.
However, I love my soberity, and I love her. I know the situation couples go through.
When you get in your car to drive somewhere:
Do you drive in fear that the tyre will burst?
Do you drive in fear that the place you’re going to wont be there at the other end?
Do you drive in fear that your windshield will break?
Do you drive in fear that your fuel will run out?
Do you drive over the speed limit constantly and live in fear that the police will catch you?
My guess is probably not because you automatically take care of these things before you get in the car. Given not just your commitment but also hers to your sobriety, I am sure that with a little preparation and a little “cross that bridge when you come to it”, you and your wife will be just fine 
You sound like you have a loving wife dude.
Someone in my AA meeting once told me, you can have alcohol, or you can have everything else. That stuck. 75 days sober. And congrats for the one year, rad shit. Keep it up.
Congratulations on your 12 months abstinence.
I have been trying moderation for some time but it invariably leads to a day of heavy drinking for me. Would prefer to go for abstinence now.
Do tell if you go for having small drinks.