I know this is probably a highly sensitive topic, I don’t mean to cause any hurt by asking this question, the thought has just been bothering me for some time and I know that talking is far better than staying quiet.
I have been completely abstinant from alcohol for almost 12 months (I know, I’m crazy proud of myself!) and over the time, I have learnt so much about myself, and genuinely my world has done a complete 180. I’m a completely different person and it’s wonderful.
Now this is going to sound crazy, and I’m actually a bit ashamed/embarrassed talking about it, but part of me has been thinking about having a drink after my 12 month mark. I know for some people, abstinance is the goal (as it has been for me) I’m just also aware that moderation is a genuine technique some people use instead… but I have no idea how many people try it, or if it’s even a safe idea. so I was just wondering if anyone had heard much about it, or if anyone has tried it before.
I know full in myself I could abstain and keep going - I don’t have cravings anymore. I do however just miss the social side of things, and ‘celebrating’ without it. I’m 26 so it’s still a big part of my friends life; usually it doesn’t concern me at all, there just is a part of me that misses ‘having a few drinks with your mates.’ of course the hardest part is controlling yourself after that first drink. I’m not sure why I’ve been thinking about all of this, but like I said earlier i’d rather try and talk it out with people than keep quiet.
Before you get a torrent of “Moderation kills!” responses… Its entirely up to you and whether you think you’re able to do it. I personally cant, many others here cant either - If its something you want to try, just be careful.
I will be quick for a change. Ask yourself why you gave up in the first place and do you want to go back to living like that. if you couldn’t moderate before then you won’t now. Your ego is a very patient liar.
Cravings come in all shapes and sizes. For me if I’m thinking about moderation that means I’m having a craving. Alcoholism is a tricky disease because once I feel a little bit better I think I’m cured.
Why did you stop drinking in the first place? I think if you go back to what your life was like before you quit and think again about what your goals were you may find the right answer for you.
For me I am an alcoholic and I will always be an alcoholic so moderation is just not an option for me. I could try but I know deep I side that I will end up right where I was before and likely much worse.
Yip I so get it. I had 4.5 years up and had the same thoughts going on in my head that you describe. I would also say… I’m a druggie not an alcoholic. I actioned my thoughts and was able to contain my addict for a whole year. I thought I had this thing covered and then… New Years Day my addict came out and long story short. I harmed someone and lost myself again. I know I would of made better choices if I was sober. The longing for company or social interaction for me, was heightened by the illusion of what looked like people having fun drinking, but I know I was just trying to compensate my poor ability to find fun any other way. Basically drunk people seemed fun and straight people seemed boring in a blunt way.
I think for myself I have substituted false happiness for contempt and stability. I’m learning to have normal fun instead of the high and intense fun I have experienced most my life. Dont know if this makes sense but l just know where your at. I love my recovery today and have alot of fun and joy. The simple things mean alot and parties are not so. To be honest… you ain’t missing out on shit and sont be fooled by the masks.
You stopped drinking for a reason. If you could have been drinking in moderation all this time you wouldnt need complete abstinance in the first place. Addiction is a chronic disease. And thinking that after a long period of abstinance we can control it is just a mechanism it has to fool us into using again. I’ve done that in the past, thinking i could control it after about 12 months clean. I couldnt. And if you are diagnosed with addiction, you wont control it. Trust me.
“Its still a big part of my friends life”, sounds like it’s still a big part of your life too. Abstinence isn’t the only way, it’s the only fool proof way
Well done on the almost year. That’s a lot of days sober.
I think, from people’s responses, that you know the general consensus.
You may start off with all the good intentions, but what happens if you end up back where you were?
Do you really want to risk that?
I get the occasional thought that I could, maybe moderate, I think we all do. But why would I risk it?
Thinking about this s’more, is it possible it isn’t really the drink you’re missing but some kind of connection with the mates?
Scratching at one year sober (and massive applause for this, btw), there’s all that newness of rebecoming one’s true self. Something I still struggle with is getting used to this new person.
At one year sober, working a program of recovery, I remember half loving/half cursing it. Learning all those new ways of living and viewing things. And they fricken worked! No doubting the results. Yet my own new thinking felt somehow foreign and, at times, lonely.
It wasn’t the drinking I wanted to reconnect with though, it was the people around me who I now loved profoundly. And focusing attention on my family and fellowship really brought home what I was seeking more than booze.
There is a saying in another program I follow besides the 12 steps, Recovery International. It is: how can we trust an imagination that has lied to us and led us astray in the past? I feel like it could be applicable here.
The addicted/addictive brain is a cunning and crafty thing. I used to think I knew exactly what was going on in my life and brain. I thought I should know exactly why I did or thought everything. I WAY underestimated subliminal thinking and things playing out in my mind and life that were part of deeply ingrained pathologies. Lesson learned. There is more going on than I am aware of.
This is all my way of saying I think your alcoholic mind is trying to trick you. My opinion only of course. Good luck.
Maybe rethink this a few weeks after you hit your 1 year. I struggled really hard around the one year mark, some of it looking like what you are going through. I’ve not met a single person who didn’t have some type of struggle before the big 1.
I have to agree with so much that is being said in these replies. Your brain is definitely lying to you, you’re definitely experiencing craving in a way you aren’t used to, this is definitely a bad idea. There are a lot of red flags. But, like I said, it doesn’t sound strange that you are going through this right before you 1 year.
In the end, it is your decision. But PLEASE wait to decide until at least a few weeks after the anniversary. I’m willing to bet that your mindset will be completely different.
I was taught that while I was getting sober, my disease was working out. Doing push ups.
This is a progressive disease. It progresses even in abstinence. So for a real alcoholic, there is no successful drinking. Maybe once or twice or 29 times. But a real alcoholic will always end up where the started.
I know that I’ve tried moderation and it didn’t work out so hot for me. A hundred people told me that would be the case but it fell on deaf ears, some lessons can only be learned first hand. Point is the choice is all yours, best of luck to you either way you decide.
